BREATHE
by Alohilani
Summary: "Master Fung, I heard somewhere that if you save someone's life, you're responsible for them. Is that true? Because... there are some people I don't really want to be responsible for."
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay- this is my first XS fanfic.

*everyone wails and clicks the back button*

Sorry. Anyway, I haven't seen all of Season 3, so this may not entirely match up with the events at the end of the series. I know Jack has a few Wu in this fic that he's not supposed to have anymore. We'll just say he stole them back.

One more thing; there is no romance in this fic. Several platonic relationships are explored, and some of them get intimate in friendly platonic ways (as in, life-story sharing 'wah my parents don't understand me but you do!11!' ways, and not bare-skin ways, fff) but there will be no romance. PLEASE DO NOT ASK ABOUT PAIRINGS. THANK YOU.

* * *

The Wrist Wrap of Jong: a series of bands wrapped around the wrist, usable as five-foot-long extensions of the fingers. Sort of like a cross between the Lotus Twister and the Third Arm Sash.

According to Dojo, it was 'somewhere on this mountain somewhere. Probably high up.'

It was a big mountain. Omi went north, Raimundo south, Clay east, Kimiko west.

It was a pretty mountain. Grassy. Bordered on one side by a forbidding gray lake and everywhere else by forest. Broken up by trees and rocky cliff faces. Not all that far from the temple.

It was a brisk spring day, slight chill in the wind, not bad. The sun was bright and powerful. It soaked into Kimiko's jet black hair (which was tipped with violet today), turning it almost uncomfortably warm.

She sprinted up a slope, finding herself confronted by a large tree, with spreading branches thoroughly cloaked in green. Behind the tree, the ground fell away in a sheer drop.

Dangling from one branch of the tree was a complicated tangle of shiny blue ribbons. The Shen Gong Wu. Piece of cake.

She shimmied up the trunk, stretching her muscles and smelling the fresh scent of the tree. The bark was rough on the trunk and smooth on the branches.

She reached for the Wu. Expecting to feel a fibrous tangle, her hand instead encountered something cool and clammy. She started in surprise.

It was a familiar clammy. She looked up to meet a pair of bright red eyes. Her hand wasn't on the Wu. It was on another hand that was covering it.

"Jack Spicer," she grumbled.

Jack grinned, displaying a lot of square, yellowish teeth. "Kimiko! I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown!" His voice was bright and fast. He was _enjoying _this, the little weasel, and the fact that he lost nine out of every ten showdowns didn't seem to have occurred to him. Or maybe he just liked being the one to set the terms. "My Third Arm Sash against your…" His eyes went to the pocket of the sweet denim jacket she'd chosen to wear that day. The edge of one of her Wu was sticking out of it. "Mantis Flip Coin. First one to climb to the top of the tree gets the Wu."

It was a good day. The sun was bright, she could hear birds singing, the air was fresh, clean and invigorating. It would be a good day to kick Jack Spicer's butt.

"I accept," she said.

The tree began to stretch and to sprout many, many more branches. Kimiko clung to the one she was on as it rose to an impossible height above the ground.

Jack laughed. His eyes were shining and the wind had whipped a rare trace of color into his face. Maybe he was in high spirits from the weather or maybe he thought he actually had a chance against her. Probably both… what an idiot.

Kimiko hugged the branch with her knees and swung around upside down, solely to show off. Jack leapt off of the branch he was on, snickering. Two propellers emerged from his backpack and he hovered in the air. Kimiko rolled her eyes. As if fancy toys could help him now. Would he ever learn?

"Mantis Flip Coin!" Kimiko cried. She bounded with ease from branch to branch, covering several feet in a few seconds. Jack flew straight upwards for a few seconds and then suddenly swerved to the left, yelping. One of his propellers was sputtering and emitting a few sparks.

Kimiko hung from her branch by one hand. The wind tousled her bangs and flapped at the edges of her layered skirt. She felt beautiful and powerful. "Technical difficulties, Jack?"

"Ahh, I thought you could use a head start is all," he said, scowling up at her.

Pathetic.

Kimiko continued to climb. The ascent was almost easy compared to the kind of training she did every day. It was sort of fun, like playing on monkey bars.

Then one of the tree branches whipped out at her with the speed of a snapping rubber band. She hoisted herself out of the way just in time. "Whoa!"

Jack laughed at her. A branch promptly snapped at him, buffeting his scrawny body into a stationary branch and knocking the wind out of him.

"Third Arm Sash!" he wheezed. The sash grabbed the branch right before he could fall to the ground.

Four branches shot at Kimiko in quick succession. She dodged three and took one to the side, barely managing to keep her perch. Jack was curled up on his branch, clinging to it with the Sash, whimpering and guarding his face as branches pummeled him from every direction.

Kimiko crouched, waiting. Another branch shot at her and she grabbed it, riding it a few feet, then hopping off onto another one.

In no time she was at the top. She couldn't resist a quick arabesque with hands raised jubilantly to the sky before snatching up the Shen Gong Wu.

And now the tree was an ordinary tree, the hill was an ordinary hill. Kimiko held the Third Arm Sash draped over one arm, the Mantis Flip Coin in her right hand and the Wrist Guard of Jong around her left wrist.

Jack Spicer was sitting at her feet, hugging his knees to his chest and pouting. He stood up. "Ah, you got lucky," he said.

Kimiko scoffed.

Jack flipped her a wave and headed for the cliff. "I'd love to stay here and discuss each other's inadequacies, but I have things to do. Catch ya later, loser!"

He hopped off the cliff, probably expecting to zip showily away with his helicopter backpack. Instead, he wobbled in the air, said "Aw, nuts" to himself, and then plunged, screaming.

Kimiko leaned over the cliff in time to see Jack splash into a lake below. He came up sputtering and shaking a wet mop of red hair. His goggles had fallen over his eyes. He pushed them back up, panting.

Kimiko laughed. "I'm shaking in my boots," she mocked.

She could see a figure on the far side of the lake. Looked like Clay. He was pretty far away and hard to see but she thought he was looking at them. She hooted and waved the captured Shen Gong Wu in the air, hoping he'd see it.

"Yeah, sure! Rub it in!" Jack was saying. He was treading water and looking surly. The sun was warm, but nowhere near warm enough to make Kimiko want to go for a swim. Jack was already shivering.

"I didn't tell you to jump in the lake, but it's cool you did," Kimiko said. "Well, see you around- I have a new Wu to train with."

"Yeah, yeah," Jack muttered, turning away from her and beginning to dog-paddle for the shore.

There was a horrible electronic buzzing noise and visible arcs of electricity shot out of Jack's backpack. He froze, jittering, and then he went limp, slipping under the surface of the water.

Kimiko blinked. He didn't resurface. "Jack?" she called.

There was no answer. He'd disappeared. She waited one second, two, ten. There was no sign of 's mouth hung open. He wasn't coming back up.

No, this was silly. He had a submarine down there. Maybe this was even some kind of crazy evil plan.

He wasn't coming back up.

His backpack had shorted out. She'd seen it electrocute him. He was probably unconscious. And underwater.

Kimiko ground her teeth together and shucked off her denim jacket, leaving only a tank top underneath. She took her prized butterfly clip out of her hair.

The wind knifed through her without the jacket. She shuddered. A pox on Jack Spicer and all Spicers everywhere. She was a Xiaolin Dragon, she couldn't let a guy drown no matter how much he got on her nerves. She couldn't even risk him drowning. If this was a trap, she had no real choice but to walk on into it.

If only Omi were here- he could just snap his fingers and make some kind of waterspout to suck up Jack and plop him on the shore. Omi was however not here. Kimiko was. She leaned back and leapt off the ledge in a near-perfect swan dive.

Halfway down, she wondered if the water might still be electrified. She instinctively started flailing her limbs, trying to brake in mid-air. Raimundo might actually have been able to pull that off. She was not Raimundo. All she managed to do was cause herself to land face-down in the water with a painful slap that rippled through her body.

Well, she wasn't electrified, but the cold was something she could not have prepared herself for. It was instant, it was total, it penetrated to her very bones. She froze, gasping, and it took a few seconds for her to force herself to dive.

The water was black and murky. She swam down, down, down, and managed to touch the muddy bottom. Visibility was zero.

She felt along the mud until she found a heap wet fabric. Jack's long heavy coat and stupid backpack had dragged him all the way down to the bottom, like she'd feared.

She couldn't _see _down here. She felt along the slimy, soaked, motionless heap of Jack until her hands found his backpack strap. She grabbed it with both hands and started hauling him up to the surface.

Halfway up, the strap came undone. The free ends slid through her fingers and Jack tumbled back towards the bottom.

Kimiko had to break the surface for air. She took three long gulps and dove again.

She found Jack's inert form for the second time. She felt along it, finding coat, more coat, hair- she was paranoid that any of these things might somehow pull off of him again. She didn't grab hold until she found a cold-as-ice hand.

She hauled him to the surface and held his face up into the air while she gasped for breath. She started dragging the both of them towards the shore. Jack's stupid coat was entirely waterlogged and had to weigh about fifty pounds. He was bigger than her to begin with. She couldn't decide if the loss of the coat would afford her enough speed for her to risk taking the time (and the awkwardness) to try to get it off him.

Before she could make up her mind, her feet had touched bottom. She hauled Jack through the shallows and dropped him on his back.

He wasn't breathing.

"Come on," Kimiko growled, kneeling on his chest. She grabbed the collar of his coat and shook hard. "Come on, you creepy waste of space! BREATHE!"

Jack did not breathe. She could not tell if his heart was beating. She said words Master Fung would have caned her for and started to do chest compressions.

There was no response. She continued the chest compressions. She heard an awful cracking sound from Jack's chest. Maybe she'd gotten a bit overzealous.

Being alive and injured was better than being dead. She would feel no guilt. He probably deserved it anyway.

He was still unresponsive.

"No, no," Kimiko moaned. "Please, no. Please don't make me do mouth-to-mouth on _Jack Spicer…"_

But he wasn't breathing.

She tipped his head back, pinched his nose shut and exhaled into his mouth. It was cold and slimy. It was like kissing a fish. She pretended it was a fish. It made it less disgusting.

Her ministrations were not reviving him. Kimiko noted that there were hot tears on her cheeks. Why? She certainly had no love for this scrawny emo geek. But life was a valuable thing and really, she didn't want him _dead, _she'd never asked for him to _die, _leave her alone, sure, but not _die-_

She reminded herself of all the annoying, jerk things he'd said, the way he sometimes hit on her and how _gross _that was, how whenever he was in danger he whined and cringed and hid behind whatever skirts were available. He couldn't do any of that if he were dead.

If he were dead he couldn't suddenly wig out, tuck her under his arm, carry her through Omi's head defending her with the Reversing Mirror, he couldn't suddenly lose his mind and save the day ever again, and she would never kick his butt again. Ever.

She sobbed and leaned down to try the mouth-to-mouth again.

She felt his body spasm underneath her and she rolled off of him. He was choking and gagging.

She rolled him onto his side. He spent a few minutes puking up copious amounts of lake water and what looked like… Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Shaped like Spongebob Squarepants characters.

Oh, oh ew.

Jack moaned and curled up, clutching his sides. He whimpered. His eyeliner had run all the way down to his chin. His goggles had disappeared somewhere and so had one shoe. His hair was matted to his skull and he was smeared with lake mud. His backpack, of course, was gone. Also there was puke on his coat. Ew.

He tried to get up and fell to his knees. He tried again and managed to stand, though wobbly and looking disoriented.

Kimiko heaved a sigh, putting a hand to her head. She realized she was shaking. Every drop of warmth seemed to have been sucked out of her body. Jack was not shaking. For a moment she had the not-really-thinking thought that it was because he was wearing a coat, but then she realized he might simply be too cold to shiver.

He was looking at her with a dull non-expression.

"You were _worried_ about me," he said, in a voice weak and slurry and bizarrely, almost teasing.

Kimiko suddenly wished she had let him drown."Aah," Jack said, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "That's one nice thing about the good guys. They have to save everybody."

He started to cough, clutching his sides. He cried out and grabbed his shoulder. It was the arm she'd dragged him by- maybe she'd given him a sprain. His eyes were streaming.

Kimiko started to ask if he was alright, but her teeth were chattering. Also, it was kind of a stupid question.

"I should, um, go," Jack mumbled, averting his eyes. He lurched off into the trees.

Kimiko nodded, hugging herself tightly. It occurred to her that perhaps she should make him come back. He probably needed a doctor. She opened her mouth to call him back but sneezed convulsively instead. She wished she had her jacket, but it was all the way back up on the cliff. She sniffled.

"Kimiko!"

She turned to see Clay, Raimundo and Omi some distance away on the beach. She'd never been so glad to see them. She tried to call to them, but her voice shuddered and skipped unintelligibly.

Seeing something wrong, they ran to her. Raimundo felt her hands and her face. "Dude!" he said, eyes wide. "Ice isn't your element! What you playing at?"

"Oh, you look like a drowned rabbit!" Omi added with wonder.

She snorted at both of them, then wobbled on her feet. Clay caught her and picked her up, cradling her to his warm chest. She was struck anew by how massive he was. He could snap her like a twig any time he wanted, but his grip was very gentle.

"Guys, we need to take her to a doctor," he said. His voice rumbled through his chest and though Kimiko's body.

"G- g- g-" Kimiko stammered, trying to tell them to go to the cliff first and retrieve her hard-won Shen Gong Wu before the forces of evil started sniffing around again- next time they might be competent.

"Oh, this is most horrible! Perhaps Kimiko was attacked by an ice monster!" Omi cried.

Raimundo was still feeling her hands. "What happened?"

Kimiko went into a shiver-spasm. "Juh- Jack-" Someone had to get medical attention for him too. She had _not _given herself hypothermia saving his worthless life just so he could die from exposure or exhaustion.

Raimundo did not infer that from her words. "Jack _Spicer!" _he spat. "That low-down dirty dog, I'm gonna _kill_ him!"

"Ruh- ruh- _Rai-" _Kimiko complained. She felt light-headed and there were gray clouds behind her eyes. She buried her face in Clay's warm chest.

Omi was patting her ankle. "Fear not, friend! We will hunt down Jack Spicer and pay him pay through his hose for what he has done!" He sounded like he was looking forward to it.

It seemed like too much trouble to keep trying to communicate. Kimiko leaned into Clay's body heat and let her mind dissolve into gray.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: An update appeared! Thank you so much for all the kind reviews! They made me feel really bad for taking so long... and then posting a shortish chapter... longer update next time, I promise.

Oh hey, there's actually a song by Anna Nalick called 'Breathe'. It has _nothing _to do with this story. _At all. _But it's a great song and you should look it up anyway.

Also, if the first part of this chapter seems familiar, it's because I accidentally posted it along with the first chapter. Luckily I think I fixed it before more than a couple people saw it.

* * *

Kimiko opened her eyes to a white ceiling.

She felt sluggish. Her mat felt unusually soft… oh, no, this wasn't her mat, this was a real bed. But she knew she wasn't home in Tokyo…

Ah. No. She remembered now. She must be in the hospital. She hadn't realized anything was wrong with her.

She sat up, rubbing her eyes. She felt groggy but not at all sick or in pain. She looked around the room.

It was a standard hospital room. She wasn't hooked up to anything, at least. Raimundo was sitting in a chair by the wall, asleep.

"Hey," she hissed. "Hey, Rai."

He snorted and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah? Oh- Kimiko, you're up," he mumbled.

"Is something wrong with me?" she asked.

"No, not really. The doctor said you just fainted because you were too cold and tired. They wanted to keep you overnight for observation." He yawned. "Clay and Omi are off getting stuff from the vending machines. I can go get them."

"No, that's okay." She rubbed her eyes. "What happened to Jack?"

He made a dismissive gesture. "Ah, we couldn't find him."

"You couldn't find him?" How far could he possibly have gone?

Raimundo shrugged. "Yeah, well, we took you here first. We were worried and junk. Looks like you're fine."

"I feel fine," Kimiko said. "How long was I out?"

Raimundo rubbed his eyes. "All night."

"All night? Ugh!" Kimiko tugged on her bangs. "The Shen Gong Wu are definitely gone by now."

"What Shen Gong Wu?"

"The ones I won from Jack Spicer- and the Mantis Flip Coin. I left them on the cliff…"

"Oh. All right. What happened, anyway? What did he do to you?"

Kimiko ground her teeth together. "Nothing, actually. He fell in the lake and I pulled him out."

Raimundo raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Okay. Why?"

"He was drowning." Kimiko ran her fingers through her hair.

"Really drowning, or thought he was drowning?"

"Really drowning, Rai. He was heavy and the lake was super cold, and then he wasn't breathing at first…" She shuddered.

"Wow. That's a lot of trouble to go to over Jack Spicer."

Kimiko shook her head. "Yeah. It was. And then he just went off somewhere. He's probably dead anyway from hypothermia." She put her face in her hands. "Great."

"Kimiko, he's like a cockroach. He's not gonna die. We weren't that far from his house. He's prob'ly home crying like a sissy. We didn't look _too _hard, we didn't wanna leave you alone."

Kimiko nodded. "He looked awful when I pulled him out."

"You didn't look too great either."

She groaned and rolled her eyes. "I bet." Her hair was _all _messed up, and she was in one of those stupid hospital gowns. Stupid Spicer.

She heard quick, light footsteps approaching. She looked up to see a petite woman standing in the doorway.

"Who's that?" Kimiko asked.

Raimundo shrugged. "Thought you knew. She keeps peekin' in here."

The woman was about five feet tall, if that. She had a pear-shaped figure. She had a horrible, accusing look on her face. She had bright red hair and round green eyes. Something about her looked vaguely familiar, but Kimiko couldn't place her.

"Ah, you're awake," she said to Kimiko.

"Um, yes, did you want something?" Kimiko asked.

The woman responded with a nasty, high-pitched giggle. "Just a moment."

She disappeared.

Kimiko looked at Raimundo. He shrugged.

The woman reappeared. With her was a tall, lean, lanky man with sandy brown hair, piercing gray eyes and a straight, sharp nose. He, too, looked sort of familiar.

"Kimiko Tohomiko?" he demanded.

"Er, yes?" she said.

The man drew himself up to his full height. "My name is John Spicer Sr. and I understand you have some kind of problem with my son."

Kimiko's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"

The man stomped forward and leaned over Kimiko, snarling. "My son came home yesterday covered in dirt, crying like a little nancy boy. Scared the crap out of my wife, who rushed him to the emergency room, pitching a fit. I get called away from work, very important work, to come calm down my hysterical wife, and my hysterical son, who has a broken rib, some kind of thing with his shoulder, and a nice big hospital bill. He's sitting at home right now, watching The Sopranos and whimpering. He is going to miss at least three weeks of school over this. His grades are already in the crapper. If Jack doesn't graduate next year, that means one more year he's at home, mooning about the house wearing face paint. I asked him what happened to him and he mentioned you. Now, if you _ever _lay a hand on my son again, I will go to court. I will take every penny your family owns and use it to buy Jack a _yacht."_

Kimiko could think of nothing to say.

Mr. Spicer nodded, with a faint, grim smile. He went to the door and put an arm around his wife, who shot Kimiko one last nasty look before being led down the hallway.

Kimiko sat in silence, her jaw slack. She looked at Raimundo. Raimundo looked back at her. There was a moment of silence.

They both seemed to crack up at about the same instant. For a few minutes they were both helpless with laughter. When they finished, both of them had tears running down their cheeks.

"A yacht," Kimiko gasped, and that set them off again.

She imagined what would happen if Mr. Spicer really did complain to her father. She pictured her dad making a fuddled apology and handing over a couple hundred thousand dollars. That would probably shut the Spicers up.

Raimundo shook his head. He looked at his watch and scowled. "Man, Omi and Clay have been gone for three hours. I better go see what the heck they're doin'."

He got up and left. Kimiko folded her hands over her chest, sighing softly.

Now that she was alone, she wasn't laughing anymore. It was creepy to be in a hospital room and wearing the stupid gown. It brought back some really old, vague memories of when she was little and her mom was dying. She barely remembered her mother…

Whoa, dude. Depressio. What was she doing to herself?

She shook her head and settled back down on the pillow. She thought of Jack, sitting around watching TV at home, and she chuckled weakly… but suddenly that didn't seem funny either. Broken ribs really hurt, and…

She shook her head. Not that there was any reason for her to care. Jack was an evil jerk. He deserved it.

She heard footsteps in the hallway. Raimundo marched in, holding a chocolate-smeared, beaming Omi.

"Ah!" said Omi, pumping his fist in the air. "I have conquered the vending machines most thoroughly!"

Clay shook his head slowly, scowling.

Kimiko started to laugh again.

* * *

"Kimiko. How wonderful to see you looking so well," Master Fung said, bowing his head. Kimiko respectfully returned the gesture. "I confess, I was quite worried. Dojo was under the impression you had drowned to death."

Kimiko raised an eyebrow and glanced at Dojo, who had his nose stuck up in the air and his stubby front legs folded over his chest. "Forgive me for being worried," he sniffed.

"Aw, Dojo," she said. "That's… kind of sweet… in a paranoid, overreacting way."

"Humph," he said.

"What really happened?" Master Fung asked.

"It was Jack Spicer, sir," Clay volunteered. "That no-good dirty snake."

"What did he do?" Master Fung asked.

"He, er," Clay said. "He almost died?" He looked to Kimiko for confirmation.

She nodded and looked down at the ground. "He, um, fell in the lake, sir. And his backpack thing shorted out… I pulled him out."

"I don't really know _why," _Raimundo muttered.

"Raimundo, it is very honorable to save the life of an enemy," Omi chirped.

Raimundo raised an eyebrow. "Okay. Why?"

Dojo shook his head. "I don't see what's so cool about going to all that trouble for Jack 'The Evil Weenie' Spicer."

"Omi is right, Raimundo, Dojo," Master Fung said. "Kimiko did a great thing. It is one thing to risk one's personal health and safety for a friend or loved one. It requires incredible selflessness to take such a risk on the account of an enemy."

He once again bowed his head to Kimiko. "You have done great credit to the way of the Xiaolin Dragon, young monk."

Kimiko felt a slow smile spread across her face. She bowed her head as well. "Thank you, Master Fung."

"It is not I who should be thanked. Kimiko, you have been through a great ordeal. I recommend that you take today off from chores. You should rest yourself."

Kimiko blinked. She looked around at her friends. They looked way more tired than she felt. They'd been up all night at the hospital while she'd been sleeping. "Thank you, Master Fung, but I feel fine. I can do my work for today." Otherwise, Raimundo would be insufferable.

Master Fung raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure, Kimiko?"

She nodded. She really did feel completely normal, apart from a little soreness in her shoulders from dragging Jack's soggy butt around.

"If you're certain you're up to it, I will respect that. But if at any time you find the work is too much for you, stop."

She bowed. "Understood, Master Fung."

He nodded, studying her a moment. "I will give you all two hours to collect yourselves. Then we will train."

He headed away.

Raimundo placed a hand on her shoulder. "Dude, why didn't you just take the day off of chores?"

"You guys are more tired than I am. It didn't feel right," she shrugged.

"Huh," Raimundo said. "Well, why don't you tell Fung that? Maybe he'll give _us _the day off."

Apparently he'd decided to be insufferable anyway.

* * *

Katnappe knocked on the door three times and shifted her weight back onto her hip, waiting. A few seconds passed.

"It's open," a voice sighed from inside.

Katnappe opened the door and went in. The house was empty, as always. She could hear various noises and see flickering lights in the living room.

"If this is about a new Wu," the voice was saying- whining- "you- you're gonna have to get it yourself this time. Okay? I need a day off."

Katnappe headed into the living room. The lights were off, leaving only a faint silver illumination from the TV screen, enough to see form but not color. The boy was lying back reclined in the couch, half-covered with a blanket. His face was set in a decided pout and his arm was in a sling. He was staring pointedly at the screen. The TV lighting had turned him monochrome, casting dramatic shadows on either side of his beaky nose and turning the small hollows under his brows into black pits with glittering eyes peering out.

"Now, don't even try to threaten me, Wuya." Katnappe studied the palm of her hand. Wuya still couldn't do any better for herself, apparently. Useless old hag! "I mean it this time. I'm not going anywhere, and you can't make me change my mind."

Katnappe purred lazily. Jack twisted in his seat, forgetting his injured arm, yelping in pain, clutching his side and doubling over with watering eyes. It was a real Kodak moment.

"A-Ashley!" he gasped. "Geez! You almost gave me a heart attack! What are _you _doing here, hairball?"

"You invited me in." She leaned against the side of the doorframe, not bothering to correct him re: her name. He just was trying to needle her. She knew she was Katnappe, even if she _was _in her civvies at the moment. Jack didn't even _have _an evil name.

"I did not!" he whined. "Go away! Jackbots, attack!"

Nothing happened. Jack squirmed and flattened himself against the back of the couch. His eyes glimmered wetly in the TV glare. "Don't hurt me! I'm already injured!"

Katnappe would have loved to hurt him just for the sake of it but she had strict orders. She leaned in closer, taking note of how he flinched away from her. "I'm not here to pick fights, Spicer. I'm here with a message."

"O-oh," Jack quivered.

She studied he claws. "Tubbimura sent me."

Jack swallowed. "He'll have his paycheck! Uh, tomorrow?"

Katnappe shrugged and slipped her hand into her jeans pocket. "He told me to tell you… that you have one week." She fumbled in her pocket until she found a marker. "That's all he said." She pushed the cap off the marker and leaned over Jack, hearing his ragged, frightened breathing. He smelled damp and soapy; he must have just showered.

_1 week or get the claws, _she wrote on the sling. Then she smiled into his face, a smile full of fangs.

"What do you say?" she asked.

Jack swallowed. "You write on casts, not slings," he said in a tiny voice, not looking her in the eye.

Katnappe shook her head. She turned and started walking away.

"Seven days," she hissed as she left.


	3. Chapter 3

She was underwater again, looking for Jack. She felt in the mud for hours and hours and found no sign of him.

She crawled up on the shore, spitting out water. Jack's dad was standing there, tall and stern.

"You killed my son," he said. "I've bought out your father's company. You can be my daughter to replace him."

"Nnnnoooooo," Kimiko cried.

She woke up gasping, in a cold sweat.

To her waking mind, the dream was kind of ridiculous. But she was shaking. The subconscious could be just plain weird.

She brushed her bangs out of her face and was still a minute, listening to Raimundo, Omi and Clay snoring all around her. She hadn't made enough noise in her sleep to wake them up.

She pulled out her iPhone, shielding its glow with her blankets so as not to disturb her sleeping friends. She started to write an email to Keiko about everything that had happened lately.

It was enough to see everything typed out in black and white- it seemed to settle things in her mind somehow. She deleted the email instead of troubling Keiko with it and wrote her a fluffy message instead. Then she turned off the iPhone and went back to sleep. She had no more dreams.

* * *

She was up at the crack of dawn with the others, helping them make breakfast.

As she cracked some eggs into a pan, she wondered what Jack Spicer had for breakfast.

Not that she had any reason to be thinking about him at all. She didn't want to think about him. He was gross.

He probably had a robot that made him breakfast, she decided. Probably something really sugary. Waffles, maybe. Waffles seemed like a villainish food, somehow.

Well, now she could put that out of her head. She sat down with her friends. Clay and Dojo were shoveling in food and Omi was carefully balancing his spoon on its end on his index finger (and looking very proud of himself for doing it).

She finished off her bacon and eggs and joined the others in cleanup. She took the drying spot while Raimundo washed and Omi rinsed.

Jack probably had a robot to do this. That would be kind of nice to make a robot do it, actually. Of course, if his cleaning-robots were anything like his fighting-robots, they were pretty terrible, and-

She was thinking about Jack again… why?

His ribs had to be hurting really bad. She'd broken her rib once when she was little and playing on a skateboard in exactly the wrong way while her dad was playing video games. Man, and Jack was so whiny. He had to be acting absolutely unbearable right now. She was glad she was far away from him.

And thinking about him like this was like she was letting him bug her anyway. She would stop.

They went into another room to do their stretches. Clay's pants ripped, providing a great source of amusement to Omi and Raimundo and causing them to make some quips that provoked Clay into some really weird down-homey threats.

After that it was out to the training yard. They started off with some good old-fashioned martial arts, practicing a new maneuver where Clay scooped her up and tossed her into the air. She did a complicated flip and then landed feet-first, paralyzing anything unfortunate enough to be in the way. Omi and Raimundo took turns dodging her.

It felt good to stretch her muscles, good to know that she was good at what she did, that it was what she was supposed to be doing, and that she could handle anything thrown in her way. Jack, of course, would never know this feeling.

Or was this how he felt when he was working on his stupid robots? When he was annoying them and being an evil pain, did he feel like they did, like he was in his proper place? Did he _like_ being lower than dirt? Was he comfortable there?

What did she really know about him? He was a coward, he was evil, he wanted to take over the world- all obvious- he thought dolphins were fish, he wore eyeliner (also obvious), he liked to build complicated and garish machinery… he could figure skate and apparently snowboard… he liked being a monkey… he liked eating candy bars and tossing the wrappers everywhere… he was creepily enthusiastic about having a chance to team up with other evil people…

What else? Er, he liked to hang out in his basement and film himself being a dork.

She blew upwards on her bangs as the group changed course and went into the temple to pick out some wu to practice with. Yes, what a great guy, she was _so _glad she'd risked her butt not letting him drown. She'd forget about him now.

She picked up her Star Hinabi and she wondered what on Earth Jack did with his wu when he wasn't using them in showdowns. She probably didn't want to know.

All right, she obviously couldn't stop thinking about him. She kept seeing him in her head- replaying that moment when he said 'I should go' and bobbled off into the forest all covered in mud.

But he was okay… his dad had said he was okay. Mostly. Why was she so worried about him?

_Was_ she worried?

If it had been any other problem, she would have confided in one of the other monks, immediately. Probably Clay. Clay (she thought to herself, as she shot a bolt of fire at Clay, and he dodged and countered by pulling up the ground under her feet and making her quickly dance away before she broke an ankle) was trustworthy, patient, nonjudgmental and could actually keep a secret.

But it was about Jack. Clay wouldn't understand. He'd probably suspect Jack of having done something to Kimiko to cause this weird obsession, maybe even have caused her to save him on purpose.

(Kimiko wondered if she herself suspected that. She supposed it was possible- Jack had pulled off some surprisingly convoluted schemes in the past, especially when someone was helping him- but not too likely. He'd gone through too much physical danger. He didn't like danger.)

Raimundo would do the same thing but more sharply. Omi… hm, she didn't really know what Omi would think, but he'd definitely tell the others and then she'd have both of them on her back.

Dojo was right out. That left Master Fung.

She'd wait and see if this went away, and if it didn't, she'd go to Fung. In the meantime, she had to put out the three sacred trees she'd just accidentally set ablaze.

* * *

There was a tapping sound.

Wuya picked her head up, blinking. She was sitting in the darkest corner of the café and with her sunglasses and headscarf on, she wasn't expecting anyone she knew to approach her. However, when she looked up, she saw none other than Le Mime standing there, looking exaggeratedly quizzical.

"What?" she muttered. "What do you want?"

Sure, she was always up for a profitable Shen-Gong-Wu-stealing alliance, but right now she _just _wanted a cup of coffee. In peace. Was that too much to ask? Chase's stupid cats had been howling all night and she just wanted her _coffee._

Le Mime took off his hat, ruffled up his hair and made exaggerated cringing motions.

What… friggin' stupid mime. Wuya scowled.

Le Mime shook his head and pantomimed laughing evilly. Then he crouched down, making monkey-ish motions. He stood back up, came over and stood next to Wuya, standing at attention as if he expected orders.

Oh.

"What _about _Jack?"

Le Mime made a big show of looking confused, then swayed his hips. He gave Wuya a slow, poison grin, then made motions on the table with his hands like a cat scratching a scratching post. He imitated someone talking, then tapped his chest. He went through his Jack-act again. He pouted and pretended to have an injured arm.

Wuya looked at him for a moment, then said: "Speak English or get lost."

Le Mime rolled his eyes, then pulled a notepad out of his pocket. He wrote furiously for a moment, then tore off the top sheet and handed it to Wuya.

It said, in oddly formal handwriting:

_I ran across Ashley the other day and she informed me that your young charge is sitting at home with a broken arm. Is there any truth to this?_

Wuya's eyebrows rose. "First- he's not mine." People did tend to jump to awkward conclusions when they saw a grown woman hanging out with a teenage boy. It had been easier when she was a spirit that most people couldn't even see. "Second, I haven't seen Jack since last week. He was fine then. Or as close to fine as he gets, anyway."

Le Mime looked pondering. Wuya was starting to understand why humans hated mimes.

Le Mime shrugged. He bid Wuya a pantomimed farewell and strode away.

Wuya sipped her coffee slowly. Hmm-mm. She knew there'd been a Shen Gong Wu activated the day before yesterday- she just hadn't been able to get away from Chase to go after it. Jack had no such constraints. Maybe he'd gotten hurt for real this time.

She'd have to check it out, of course, she had to know what was up with the little brat in case she wanted him for something.

However, if she was going to have to see Jack today she was definitely going to need another cup of coffee.

* * *

It was a thoroughly jittery Wuya that jogged up to Jack's house.

The shades were drawn in a few of the windows, which made her think he might be upstairs, itself a clue that something was wrong. (He had told her once that he avoided sunlight as much as possible, on principle. It was 'too happy' for an 'evil genius' like himself. Evil's sakes, he was so full of crap.)

She rapped on the door.

"Go away, _Ashley!" _a voice snarled from inside.

Wuya rolled her eyes. She opened the door, which wasn't locked, and went inside.

There were TV noises from down the hall. She found Jack in the living room, all wrapped up in blankets except for his face, which was baleful and haggard. Something seemed really wrong with how he looked. She puzzled over that a moment and then realized, of course, he wasn't wearing his stupid makeup.

He looked exhausted, and a little flushed, probably because he was huddled under four or five blankets. "I'm not scared of you, Ashley!"

"It's me."

He jumped. "Oh. Wuya. Thank goodness." He closed his eyes. "Look, I'm taking the week off. Get your own Wu."

"Oh, Jack," she said. "Whatever will I do without you. All my efforts hinge on you. I'm lost."

"Yeah, yeah. Just leave me alone, will ya? Oh, but get the shades first." He glanced over at her, eyes wide and anxious. "…please?"

There were three windows along the wall and only one was covered. Wuya hesitated a moment, then went over and closed them, mostly because she'd had three cups of coffee instead of two, and it was hard to stand still. Jack sighed and shed all but one of the blankets. "Thanks."

Had the blankets been for keeping away the sun? It wasn't a very sunny day, the light coming in had been pale and thin.

Wuya decided she didn't care. Jack was an idiot. "How long are you going to be moping around feeling sorry for yourself?"

He sighed. "I dunno."

Wuya was loath to ask for specifics. He might think she 'cared'. She glanced at the coffee table and saw a bottle of Tylenol and a tissue box, but no wadded-up tissues. "Le Mime told me your arm is broken."

Jack blinked. "What? How'd he tell you anything?"

"Never you mind how."

"It's not broken. My shoulder's twisted, the sling helps. My _rib's _broken." He sniffled. "It hurts," he whimpered.

Wuya had busted a few ribs in her time (on other people, of course) and she knew they took a month or two to heal. She shrugged. "I see. Well, I'll be going."

"I can't sleep," Jack said. He sniffled again.

"I don't care. Goodbye, Jack," she said, heading out.

"Bye," he said.

She left the house. No Jack for a month or two, then. Unless he sucked it up and got back out there when he wasn't fully healed… not likely.

She shrugged. Eh, she wouldn't miss him.

* * *

A/N: I swear there will be action and stuff in this story. I'm just having way too much fun sending all the villains one by one into Jack's house to annoy him while he's recovering.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Someone asked if I don't like Jack (and for some reason the 'reply to review' button wasn't work. I… I love him. I'm just a cruel, mean person.

As for Wuya being mean… it seemed to me like she got meaner to Jack as the series went on (like, she just lost all patience with him) but maybe I was a bit harsh with her. I'm new to this fandom and that was my first time writing Wuya. XD; I love her too.

And, last question that I couldn't answer because of the non-working review button- yes, this really is supposed to just be friendship, no shipping… it's just that they have such a bad relationship currently that even friendship seems really weird to Kimiko and needs a ton of buildup.

Also, everyone asked for Chase, so here you go! Yaaaaay, Chaaaase!

* * *

Master Fung was meditating when she came in, sitting on the floor with his back turned to her. She hesitated to disturb him, and she was backing up a little when he turned to her.

"Yes?" he said.

Kimiko swallowed and came closer. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Certainly, but Kimiko, you should be learning to bring these things to your Shoku leader," Fung said.

Kimiko tucked her hair behind her ear. "Um, not this." She hesitated a moment. "Master Fung, I heard somewhere that if you save someone's life, you're responsible for them. Is that true? Because... there are some people I don't really want to be responsible for."

Master Fung nodded. "I have heard this saying myself, mostly from TV. Is this about Spicer?" he asked.

She shuddered. "I can't stop thinking about him since I pulled him out of the lake. It's like I have… Jack Spicer brain worms."

Fung considered her for a moment. "I am not sure what to tell you, Kimiko. You saved his life. That is no small thing. You are responsible for that boy's continued residence on this plane of existence. It is only right that you be thinking about what that means… and I hope he is as well."

Kimiko swallowed. Her heart sunk in her chest as if she'd just been found out of a horrible crime. "But I don't like Jack. I don't want to think about him." And he might be thinking about her? Augh!

Master Fung shrugged. "You can try to think about something else."

That was, of course, what she'd been doing. She sighed. "Thanks, Master Fung."

He nodded. "You are still welcome to a day off."

Kimiko considered that. She might as well just come out and say it. "Well- I don't think it's fair if I'm the only one who gets one. Could Omi, Clay and Raimundo come too?"

"Certainly. I expected them to. I didn't say that?"

She blinked. "No."

"Oh." He gestured dismissively. "Well. By all means, take them along."

Kimiko nodded. She smiled.

* * *

Chase Young strode up to the door, his lower lip lifted in a slight sneer. He looked at the door for a moment, studied Spicer's colorful, silly house, and knocked purposefully.

There was no immediate answer. He knocked again.

"All right!" a voice cried from inside. "This better be good!"

Chase was in no mood for foolishness. He knocked once more, but he certainly wasn't going to let himself in. He had standards.

"How am I supposed to get any sleep with you girls coming in and nagging me all day?" Spicer was sputtering. "Nag nag nag nag nag nag nag! I'm lucky I don't have pneumonia!"

Chase was reminded of some vague rumors he'd been hearing about Spicer. One of the warrior cats had mentioned that Tubbimura had heard from Panda Bubba who had heard from Le Mime who had heard from Katnappe that the worm had been jumped by bandits who had ripped one of his arms out. Spicer had supposedly been busy since then building himself a new robot arm.

Chase had thoroughly reprimanded that particular warrior and set him to cleaning all the floors.

Spicer's voice was coming closer. "I don't have to do anything for you people, you know! If you don't watch it, the next time someone shows up here I'm setting the Jackbots on 'em! I've had it up to here!"

"I don't have time for this," Chase said slowly and distinctly.

There was a moment of dead silence.

"Chase?" Spicer said, in the tiny, heartsick squeak of a mouse who sees an approaching lion. The door creaked open… slowly… to reveal one large red eye. "Chase Young?"

"I'm looking for Wuya," Chase said clearly.

Spicer looked like he wanted to sink into the floor and vanish. "She's not here," he croaked. "I, uh… I didn't know it was you!"

Beat.

Chase studied his fingernails. "Clearly."

"She was here. Sh-she left. She didn't say where she was going. Do you wanna come in? I have, uh, chips, and… TV…" Spicer opened the door wider. He was disheveled and wearing a baggy T-shirt and pajama pants. His arm was in a sling, and he had a look of pain in his eyes (a look Chase was well familiar with), but there were no robotic limbs in evidence.

"No," Chase said. "I don't."

Spicer's face fell. "Oh. Well… okay."

Chase turned and started walking away. Wuya was more trouble than she was worth… making him come here, of all places.

"Bye, Chase!" Spicer was calling behind him. "Drop by anytime!"

Chase ignored him.

"Uh- do you wanna hear what happened to me?"

"Not particularly."

"Oh." Chase was at the edge of the yard. "Uh, Ashley wrote on my sling! Do you wanna write on my sling?"

Chase paused for a second. "Hmm. No."

He turned and headed down the road.

* * *

There was a new movie at the theater, one based on the Goo Zombies video games. Kimiko and Raimundo had been wanting to see it for weeks.

They rode Dojo into the nearest city and hopped off in front of the cinema. As they walked in, Omi said: "Oh, how impressive. I have never been to the theater before."

Clay's eyebrows rose. "Well, ain't that something."

"You'll love it, little dude," Raimundo said.

There was a short ticket line. Kimiko paid for the tickets and bought them all large popcorns. (Two large popcorns for Clay.) Omi was staring all about him with wide, wondering eyes.

"Okay, Omi," Kimiko said, noticing him taking an interest in the candy case. "You can get some candy too, since it's your first time." She pointed to the candy case.

Omi clapped and leaned in closer, staring at the candy. "Ooh, they are all most tempting," he said. "I think I'll get that one. No, no. That one. No-"

Raimundo was looking at his watch. "Tell you what," he said. "Get four different ones. We'll all have a quarter of each one."

Omi fairly skipped with delight. He pointed at four different candy boxes.

Sure, why not. Kimiko paid for each one, and they headed towards the hall to the different theaters. Suddenly Clay hissed: "Hey. Ain't that Tubbimura?"

Kimiko looked across the room. Tubbimura was walking out of the hall, with a smirky blond girl beside him.

Tubbimura was deep in conversation with her. "This news concerns me greatly. I can't collect my payments from a dead boy."

"Oh, I don't know where that rumor even came from. All I saw was a sling on his arm," the girl said, tossing her hair. "Though I guess that doesn't rule out slow-acting poison. I wouldn't put it past Kimiko. The monks hate Jack more than we all do."

Huh?

Tubbimura had seen the monks now. He met their eyes, then waved at them. The girl he was with gave them a dismissive look.

Raimundo raised an eyebrow and waved back.

Tubbimura headed for the doors. "So, Spicer still has his legs?"

"I guess I don't really know. He had a blanket over him."

They left, the closing door cutting off the conversation. Kimiko blinked.

"Huh, whoa," Raimundo said. "I guess word gets around all funny on the Heylin side."

"Kimiko," Omi giggled. "They think you have removed Jack Spicuh's legs!"

What on Earth?

* * *

Vlad knocked on the door. "Coming!" a voice cried from inside, and there were some mad scrambling sounds. The door opened and Jack was standing there.

He saw Vlad and scowled. "Oh. What is it? I was just getting to sleep!"

"Oh, Jack," Vlad said. "I saw on the Internet that Katnappe said that Panda Bubba said that Cyclops said that Wuya told Tubbimura the Xiaolin Dragons tore out your arms and legs and spleen and you were in a coma. I just stopped by to give your parents this get-well card for you."

He handed over the card.

"Oh! Gee, thanks," Jack said, taking the card with his non-slung hand, which allowed the door to swing shut on his side. Tears sprang to his eyes. "Ow," he whispered. "My rib."

He pushed the door back open, panting slightly. Vlad waved. "Well, I have stuff I need to do. You feel better real soon."

"Thanks," Jack said, eyes downcast.

"I'm going to tell the Internet you're okay. They'll be real disappointed."

"Uh huh."

Vlad laughed. "Looks like you got Jacked once again, Jack."

"Yeah, yeah, will you go already?" Jack said, going back in and shutting the door behind him.

How rude.

* * *

Goo Zombies the Movie was deliciously gory. Kimiko was on the edge of her seat with her popcorn, eyes glued to the screen.

Until some rude girl started talking behind her.

"Hey, did you hear about that weird Goth kid from chemistry class?"

Kimiko had turned around to ask her to be quiet- it was a really good part- but suddenly she had a sinking feeling.

It was two teenage girls. "You mean the one with the spikes everywhere?"

Okay, so it wasn't-

"No, the creepy one, with the guyliner. You know, the one with the red hair?"

"And the goggles?"

"Yeah, him." No. No way. "I heard he was blown to pieces. They had to identify him by his dental records."

"Oh, gross!"

"Where are they getting this crap?" Raimundo mused from the seat next to Kimiko.

"Hey," one of the girls said with a scowl. "Don't talk during the movie! What is wrong with you?"

Kimiko's fists clenched, but before she could use them, Clay had gotten to a standing position. The girls were suddenly quiet.

"There a problem here, ladies?" Clay said, resting a massive hand on Kimiko's head.

"No," one of the girls muttered.

Kimiko grinned.

* * *

It was just getting dark when Panda Bubba made his way up the walk. He checked the address, then knocked on the door.

"Mom?" a voice whined from inside. Panda Bubba raised an eyebrow.

The door opened and he was looking down at a hopeful Jack Spicer. Jack frowned. "You're not my mom! Oh, well…" He sighed. "I can't sleep anyway. Too much pain. What do you want?" He scowled. "Make it fast, I'm in a bad mood."

Panda Bubba shrugged. "I appear to have received some misinformation, I had heard your family was attending your funeral at the moment."

Jack rolled his eyes, leaning against the door. He seemed a little off-balance. "Let me guess, you heard it from Cyclops, who can't talk, who heard it from Le Mime, who doesn't talk, who heard it from Aaashley-" he seemed agitated now- "who also told my whole high school that I'm going out with the Goth kid from Chemistry class, who happens to be a guy!"

Panda Bubba had heard it from the dubitable Chucky Choo, who had heard it from one of Chase Young's cats, who had heard it from Chase himself, who had heard it from Wuya, who knew Jack. He shrugged. He had actually been hoping it was true so he could have his men loot Jack's house, but oh well, Jack didn't have that much stuff anyway. "I see. I should be going, then."

"Yeaaah, get lost before I get out my Monkey Staff!" Jack said, slurring slightly. He slammed the door.

How rude.

* * *

Omi had ended up with most of their candy because no one else had liked the Gummy Shoes, not even Clay, who said they tasted like the jelly his grandma made from the stuff between her toes, which none of them had wanted to know.

They had stopped at McDonald's for ice cream cones on the way home, too. Basically, Omi had had too much sugar and now he was obviously having a hard time sitting still. On Dojo's neck. Clay had a firm hold on the hem of his robe.

"That was an amazing movie! I liked the part with the goo and the guy who fell into that thing and when that lady said that stuff and at the end when all those words were on the screen! I like the red candy and the green candy! I like my friends! I like the world! I like McDonald's! I like Clay's hat! It's a big big hat!"

"Never again," Kimiko deadpanned.

"I like how no one saved me any candy," Dojo huffed.

"I like how everyone thinks Kimiko killed Spicer," Raimundo said. "What's up widdat?"

Kimiko shuddered. She'd just managed to forget that.

Raimundo studied her. "Kimiko, you don't feel bad about it, do you?"

"I don't want everyone thinking I'm a murderer!" she snapped.

"Murder-ess," Omi corrected. "Ess, ess, ess. Esset!"

"Whatever." She folded her arms over her chest, slumping in her seat.

"Aw, Kimiko, everyone'll see Spicer alive and well next time there's a Wu t'get," Clay said, "and the whole thing'll die down."

Omi had fallen asleep in Clay's lap.

"Yeah," Kimiko said. And maybe when she saw him alive and well- and obnoxious- she'd forget too.

"I wonder if he knows everyone thinks he's dead," Raimundo said.

* * *

"I'm not dead!" Jack cried.

Cyclops blinked slowly.

"Lawwlla," he drooled.

Jack looked up at him for a minute, then slammed the door.

* * *

They landed back at the temple, disembarking from Dojo's back and heading inside. It was dark out. Clay set a mildly-comatose Omi down on his mat, everyone said their hushed goodnights, and they retired to their separate stalls. Kimiko let her hair down and took out her PDA to check her email.

She had forty new emails. She opened one of them.

Hey, Kimiko! I heard that creepy kid you're always complaining about was abducted by bank robbers and thrown from a train? They haven't recovered the body yet?

Kimiko turned off her PDA and went to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Meep, I want to thank everyone for the awesome reviews, but for some reason fffnet won't let me reply to reviews right now! So here's a blanket thank-you, and a chapter three times as long as any of the others- AND THERE'S A _FIGHT._

And Jack's forum ranking is determined by post count. He's not overlord of anything but quadruple postage.

* * *

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

Okay, seems there are some rumors going around about me. First:

_**I'M NOT DEAD!**_

Second: No, Kimiko did not break my arm for stealing her eyeliner! I can afford my own eyeliner!

Third: NO! I DID NOT LOSE A XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN TO MY SIX-YEAR-OLD COUSIN MEAGAN!

Look, what happened was I was out, you know, picking some stuff up for my top-secret latest invention- which you totally wish you knew about- when I turned the wrong corner and I ran into a couple of bikers. Well, they were looking for a fight, sooooo I beat 'em up. They were sore losers so they had five of their buddies jump me and bust my shoulder a little.

So that's what happened. I'll be taking a few days off to heal. Visitors will be blasted by Jackbots.

(I'm watchin' you, Ashley.)

**Tubbimura**

_hitman - 178 posts_

I am sorry to hear that, Spicer. I hope it does not interfere with your timely delivery of my overdue paycheck plus interest. It would be dishonorable to inflict injuries on someone already injured.

**Katnappe**

_pickpocket - 81 posts_

U mad jackie?

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

I MAD!

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

Oh- gee, I would sure hate to see anything happen to your honor, Tubbi. Uh- you know, I haven't gotten my allowance yet- I keep getting screwed over on eBay- my dad's on a business trip so I can't really ask him for an advance on my allowance- but I have something better than money! His name is Marvin. He's my very best boy. He's never been completely demolished! It would hurt me bad to see him go, Tubbi, but it would help to know he'd be going to such a beautiful example of the evil ideal as you.

He bakes a mean cake! You seem like someone who likes cake!

**Tubbimura**

_hitman - 78 posts_

Katnappe and I will see you tomorrow night for my money.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

D:

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

I'm sorry! Was the cake comment insensitive? I didn't mean it like that! I think your physique is wonderful!

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

Everyone likes cake! I like cake! I could go for some cake right now! I'm too skinny! I could use some more cake!

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

BE CAREFUL OF THE SLING

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

I LIED

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

KIMIKO BEAT ME UP

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

IT REALLY HURTS

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

I'M DYING SLOWLY

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

IT'S HORRIBLE

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

I HAD SUCH EVIL PROMIIIISE

**Le_Mime**

_archenemy - 210 posts_

:o

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**

_overlord - 1063 posts edit-delete_

WHAT? SHE'S FIESTY!

* * *

They were out in the training yard when-

"Okay, guys, got a new Wu for you," Dojo said, wriggling towards them, scroll in hand.

Kimiko promptly dropped Omi, who fell with a little squeal of surprise.

"Sorry," she said. But finally, a new Wu. It'd been days. She'd see Jack, he'd be fine, and not dead, and everything would go back to normal. Right? Of course. Why not?

They crowded around the scroll, which showed an image of a small faceless man holding a stick that attracted cartoon lightning bolts.

"The Rod of Lightning," Dojo said.

"That's it?" she asked. "Just… the 'Rod'?"

"Hey, I don't name the things," Dojo said with a sniff. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was interrupted, it allows the user to control electricity."

"I thought that was the bunny," Raimundo said.

"No, that turns you _into_ electricity. This lets you control it. There's a huge difference, Raimundo." Dojo shook his head. "And you're supposed to be Shoku Leader. Geez."

Raimundo rolled his eyes. "All right, come on, ferry our butts around. Where is this thing?"

* * *

The answer was 'the Midwest United States', where it was much less spring than at the temple. Here, the ground was still hard, the trees were bare and sharp against a dead white sky and there were still traces of snow.

Kimiko shuddered and drew her cardigan close around her body. She cast short, furtive glances at the empty sky.

The four of them headed down a sidewalk on a mostly deserted street. A few kids played in a yard, their sharp squeals ringing through the air. They reached the end of the street, where the pavement just ended, and there was a large area of brownish grass.

There was a small object sticking out of the ground. They approached it.

There was a dark figure approaching from behind a tree. Kimiko leaned forward.

The figure was a bit too curvaceous to be Jack. "Hello, children," Wuya said, tossing her hair and smirking. "How about this weather?" She took a deep, luxuriant breath. "Cold and dark. My kind of a day."

"Yeah, I bet it is," Raimundo grumbled.

There was no one joining her. "Where's Jack?" Kimiko asked, careful to sound like she didn't care, really, it was just a topic of conversation.

Wuya rolled his eyes, propping her fist on one hip. "At home, moping." She raised an eyebrow. "You know, I didn't bother asking him about it, but there's a rumor going around that _you're _the reason why. I'm impressed, Kimiko."

Kimiko snarled and started forward. Raimundo grabbed her shoulder.

"I saved his worthless life!" Kimiko cried. "Some thanks I get for making sure you still have your slimy little henchman!"

Wuya's eyebrows arched. "Really. All right, you have my interest. How do you give someone a broken rib saving their life?"

"CPR, you old hag! Which I didn't _have _to do!"

"Really. That's one of your new lifesaving techniques, right?" She wrinkled up her nose. "You didn't put your _mouth _on his, did you?"

Kimiko froze. Her face felt very hot. The boys were staring at her and backing up a little, as if she might have something contagious.

Before she knew what she was doing, Kimiko dashed forward, grabbing the Rod of Lightning with one hand and Wuya's wrist with the other. She forced Wuya's hand onto the Wu.

"Wuya, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown!" she spat. "My Star Hinabi against your- whatever you have!"

"Lotus Twister."

"That, then! The game is- is- saving someone from a lake! First to do it wins!"

"Sure. It was going to be _something," _Wuya said with a shrug. "Let's go."

The ground rumbled and began to cave in, filling up with water. In an instant they were standing on the edge of a forbidding, black lake.

"GONG YI TANPAI!" Kimiko cried.

Instead of saying it with her Wuya said: "Well, you seem determined. I guess I shouldn't make cracks about your boyfriend."

Kimiko froze.

Wuya dove into the lake. Kimiko waited until she was sure she wasn't going to throw up, and then she jumped in after her, not even noticing the shock of cold. She was going to _kill_ Wuya… and Jack.

She hadn't taken a breath before diving, too angry. She surfaced, took a breath, and dove again.

She found Wuya's kicking ankle, grabbed it, and held out her Star Hinabi, intending to burn the old hag's butt off.

"Star Hinabi Fire!" she bubbled.

Nothing really happened. Wuya glanced over her shoulder as if to say 'I've yet to see anything underwater catch fire, you moron.'

Kimiko shuddered. She broke the surface and took another deep breath.

Why couldn't Wuya be the kind of witch that melted in water?

Kimiko dove down. She was just going to ignore Wuya and forget about her stupid comments. Wuya was trying to get to her. Wuya was evil and evil people did stuff like that.

She peered down at the bottom of the lake. The water was sparkling clear and she could see all the way down to the bottom.

There were two green boxes down there. Kimiko kicked closer to see Omi inside one and Raimundo in the other.

Neither one of them looked too terribly happy with her. Kimiko propelled herself down to Raimundo's box, pressing her hands against the surface.

"Great showdown idea!" he said, his voice muffled through the glass, and he gave her a sarcastic wink and a thumbs-up.

Kimiko flinched.

The name 'Wuya' was embossed on his box. Kimiko's name was on Omi's.

Her lungs were bursting. She pushed herself to the surface and burst out of the water, gasping.

She dove back down. Wuya passed her on the way, Raimundo tucked under one arm.

Kimiko got to Omi's box. She touched it and it came open. She started hauling his light body up through the water. He kicked his little legs, trying to help her but bruising her thighs instead.

She was almost to the surface when there was a ripple in the water and suddenly everything was gone. She was lying on her back, staring up at a dead white sky, and Omi was spitting out water next to her.

Wuya was leaning over her, twirling the Rod of Lightning in one hand and clutching the Star Hinabi in the other. "I'll be seeing you around," she said, turning to leave.

Now Raimundo and Clay were leaning over her.

"There anythin' you wanna talk about, Kimiko?" Clay asked.

Kimiko ran the day's events and Wuya's words over again in her head. She recalled the two girls at the theater. She went all the way back to when Jack tried to fly home but fell in the lake instead and she looked over the edge of the cliff to see him sputtering in the water.

"Nope," she said finally.

Raimundo raised an eyebrow. "No?"

"Nope, there's nothing." She smiled.

"You _sure _about dat?" Raimundo said slowly.

"Oh, I'm sure. Sorry about losing the Wu. Let's go home and train some more!"

She gave them both a thumb's up. They backed away.

* * *

Kimiko was bright and friendly and vacant for the rest of the day. That night, when everyone was asleep, Kimiko went down to the Shen Gong Wu vault. She got out a big sack and she put on the Shroud of Shadows. Then she trotted outside at a fast clip- heading straight to Jack Spicer's house.

There was a light on in the window. She'd intended to go right downstairs, but she'd never seen any activity up in the actual house, so she peeked in.

At first, all she saw was the back of a Jackbot. She moved over a little.

Jack and the robot were sitting on the couch with some kind of game board between them. Jack looked all slumped and droopy. He was wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants and his legs were folded under his body. He looked like he hadn't washed his hair in a while. Ew.

"Your move," Jack mumbled, rubbing his eyes. His voice was dull and thin and slightly slurred.

The robot picked up a checker and skipped it across the board five times. "King me," it said in an automated monotone.

"Hey, you can't do that," Jack said. "You're cheating."

"I am programmed not to cheat sir."

So… he wasn't even downstairs. Well. This would be even easier than she'd expected, then.

Jack made an irritated noise, rubbing his eyes again. "Aw, checkers is a stupid game anyway." He glanced at his watch, then looked away with a small sigh.

The shadows under his eyes were so dark she hadn't immediately noticed he wasn't wearing his eyeliner. There were candy wrappers and empty pudding cups in a big pile on the coffee table (and a tissue box, but no wadded-up tissues). There was also a half-full glass of water and what looked like three pill bottles.

"Your move sir," the robot droned.

"I'm thinking." Jack leaned against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "Mm…"

Kimiko lingered by the window a minute longer. Jack was shivering. His mouth was pressed into a little line and his forehead was all bunched up.

She turned and headed away.

The basement seemed very empty. There were silent robots lining every wall. The only sound was Kimiko's breathing.

She poked around until she found a cupboard with a simple combination lock on it. Jack probably had the combination written down nearby, but it was easier to snap the lock with a chop of her hand.

The contents were meager. She took out the Changing Chopsticks, the Ants in the Pants and the Jetbootsu.

All that was left was the Monkey Staff. She reached for it. Gosh, he made himself such a pain with this thing. She would take it and he wouldn't be able to annoy her and the other warriors with it any more. Yes, she would take it and lock it up safe in the temple vault.

Her hand closed on the Monkey Staff. She stared into the eyes of the little carved monkey on the top.

She let go of it. It would fit in her bag awkwardly and none of the monks really liked to use it that much. It did funny things to your mind, being a monkey.

Okay, then. She peered into her sack. Jack didn't have much Wu, did he? She'd been hoping Wuya shared his stash- but that would be pretty dumb of Wuya, wouldn't it… since Jack's Wu got stolen all the time… like they were being stolen right now…

She closed the bag and stood up to go.

There was a noise from behind her. She turned to see a crack of light at the top of the staircase.

"…has to be a better game," a voice was saying. The crack opened into a rectangle and Jack and his robot were silhouetted against it. Kimiko checked that her Shroud of Shadows was still in place.

They were coming down the stairs. The robot was holding the checkers box.

Jack and the robot went right past Kimiko to a big cabinet. The robot opened it and put the game away. Jack leaned in, looking at the contents of the cabinet.

"Flash Match- no- chess- no- Chutes and Ladders- why do I even _have _that one? Twister- no way." He groaned. "I'm just gonna go to bed. Marvin, you can… hang out- whatever, I don't care." He put his hand over his eyes. 'Marvin' floated away up the stairs.

So they were going upstairs, then. Good. She could sneak out the back and go.

No… uh-oh. There was a moth-eaten couch by the wall that Kimiko hadn't noticed. Jack was going over there.

There was a heap of blankets draped over one arm of the couch. Jack lay down and pulled the blankets up to his chin, whimpering.

Okay, then, she'd wait for him to fall asleep and then leave.

She waited. He moaned to himself. Coughed. Yelped. Moaned again. Wriggled around and made the springs in the couch squeak.

Finally, he was still. She could hear him breathing slowly.

The door leading outside was directly behind Jack- she'd have to go right past him with a sack full of rattling Shen Gong Wu if she left that way. She'd go through the house to leave instead. She headed upstairs.

Halfway up, a stair creaked really loudly.

"Mom?"

She looked behind her to see Jack sitting up on the couch. She froze.

"Mom? Are you home?" His voice was whimpering, pleading. Guh. What a pansy.

She said nothing, of course. His shoulders hunched. "Who's there?" he demanded. "Wuya, that better not be you! It's the middle of the night!"

Kimiko said nothing.

For a moment nothing happened. Then Jack sighed and lay back down, muttering about hearing things.

Kimiko slowly opened the door, stepped through it, and shut it without making a sound.

She was in the kitchen- the brightly lit kitchen. She blinked hard until her eyes adjusted.

It was a typical kitchen. Fridge. Counters. Stove. Kimiko wasn't exactly into kitchens, so her only opinion was 'messy'. There was a big pile of Kraft macaroni & cheese boxes on the counter, next to a stack of dirty pans. The trash can was overflowing. Jack Spicer, evil boy slob.

She left the kitchen to find herself in a hall. At the end of the hall was a door with a mat and shoes in front of it- that must be the way out.

The house was very still. 'Are you home?' Jack had asked. There was probably no one else here…

She headed for the door.

"Stop right there!"

Kimiko froze.

"I know you're there! I can see your bag!" It was Jack. He sounded scared to death. She turned to see him standing there, shaking, holding a baseball bat with his good hand. "All I have to do is say the word and you'll be a greasy smear under my Jackbots!"

Kimiko groaned and let the Shroud of Shadows fall to the floor. Busted. She should have been more careful with the sack. "Will you chill? It's just me."

Jack jumped about a foot in the air. "Kimiko?" His eyes went from her face to the sack. He glowered, letting the baseball bat fall to the floor. She expected him to drop it on his foot, but he didn't. "Oh, right. Come kick me when I'm down."

She stiffened, putting her hands on her hips. "Jack Spicer, you stole these from us in the first place!"

"I won those fair and square!" he snapped. "And then later I swapped some of them out for yours when you weren't looking." He shrugged. "That's not stealing."

"Ugh." Kimiko rolled her eyes. "First, it so is. Second, _you _don't win anything fair and square. You cheat."

"Not every time. Besides-" He took a deep breath as if to start on a rant- then he let the breath out, flinching and looking like he was about to cry. "Oh, I don't care. Fine, take them. I'll steal 'em back later, just go." He turned away, putting his free, non-slung-up hand to the side of his chest.

"Jack-" She sounded softer than she'd intended. She shook her head. "Yeah, get out of here before I kick your butt!"

"I've had enough butt-kicking for a while, thanks," he said, shooting her a nasty look.

Kimiko felt her body start to shake. "Don't you _dare! _I saved your miserable little stupid, worthless, awful life and this is what I get? You- you _jerk!"_

He blinked, looking utterly confused. "You- huh?"

She stared at him for a moment. That blank, stupid look was impossible to fake. How could he not know what she meant? How could anyone be so _dense- _and then she remembered that he'd been unconscious for the whole rescue. But hadn't he thanked her before he left? Kind of? "I dragged you out of the-"

There was a pounding on the door. Kimiko froze. "Who's that?"

Jack lit up. He brushed past her to look through the peephole. Then he pulled away, looking sort of green. "I'm not dead, Tubbi," he called. "I thought we went over this." He checked the lock.

"Yes, we did," Tubbimura said from the other side of the door. Kimiko started looking around for another way out. It looked like she'd have to go out through the basement. "I am here for my money."

"You said you wouldn't come until tomorrow!" Jack squeaked. Kimiko inched down the hallway. This was, er, obviously none of her business, Jack was distracted, she should go.

"No, I am on time. Do you have my payment?"

Jack shivered. "Oh, gee, I- I must have lost track of time. I haven't been feeling so great-"

"I suggest you let me in."

Kimiko turned a corner and found herself staring into glittering green cat's-eyes.

"Mrrrow…"

"No!" Jack yelped. "Jackbots- attack!"

Startled into an instant reaction, Kimiko grabbed Katnappe's wrist and flipped her backwards over her head.

There was a crashing noise, and robots started flying past the two girls. Katnappe recovered quickly (the little tramp probably landed on her feet) and grabbed Kimiko around the waist. "What are you doing here?" she hissed in Kimiko's ear. "Visiting Jack in the middle of the night?"

"I was stealing his Shen Gong Wu!" Kimiko snapped, elbowing Katnappe hard in the chest. She grunted and let go.

"I see," she said, and she, of course, pounced for the sack. Kimiko whacked her in the head with it instead, then reached in and grabbed the Ants in the Pants, hollering its name. Katnappe fell over, writhing and scratching and crying out. Kimiko looked about for an exit.

Then Jack screamed- an ear-splitting screech of pain that about split Kimiko's head open. She turned to see the robots lying in pieces and Tubbimura pinning Jack to the wall.

"Let me go," Jack was pleading.

"Pay up."

"I- I don't have it. And I'm not gonna have it if you beat me up, either, so why don't you put me down, and-" Tubbimura did something to his arm, and he drew his knees up to his chest, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Ah- ah- owww…"

Katnappe's claws dug into Kimiko's shoulders. Kimiko flipped her again. Tubbimura looked over his shoulder.

"Kimiko?" he asked. "What business does the Dragon of Fire have here tonight?"

"Stealing his Wu," Katnappe growled. She sprang and managed to get a pretty good punch in on Kimiko's jaw- of course, now she was mad.

"Judolette flip- FIRE!"

Katnappe screeched and danced back away from the flames.

"Kimiko! SAVE ME!" Jack was screaming.

"Once was enough!" Kimiko hollered in reply, and she swept Katnappe's legs out from under her. Katnappe was spitting curses.

"I see this has become a chaotic place to conduct business," Tubbimura said. He carried a squealing Jack out the front door.

Katnappe crouched, snarling, her eyes snapping fire (not literally, of course- Kimiko could do it literally). Kimiko had an idea. She turned and ran for the basement door and down the steps, Katnappe following and hissing.

Once down in the basement, she spun on her heel, looking around the room until she saw- piled in a heap in the corner- the failed bubble-bots, probably sitting there waiting for upgrades.

Katnappe pounced on her. The two girls rolled over and over on the floor, Katnappe slamming Kimiko's head against the concrete and Kimiko kicking Katnappe in the stomach as hard as she could.

Kimiko managed to pull away. She ran to the corner, where she opened one of the bubbles, pulled it up over the robot, and turned.

Katnappe was coming for her. She tried to change direction when she saw Kimiko's intent, but not fast enough- Kimiko slammed the bubble down over her head.

Katnappe snarled and scratched at the inside of the bubble. Kimiko stuck her tongue out, wiggled her butt a little, and ran up the stairs.

She grabbed the sack of Wu, which she'd dropped during the fight, and dashed out the front door.

There was a Volkswagen Beetle sitting in the yard under a tree, and she could hear Jack yammering indistinctly from inside.

She hesitated a moment. She should just go. Whatever Jack and Tubbimura were up to, it was none of her business, and-

Jack screeched in pain.

"Ah, what the heck," she said. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins from the fight. She ran over and kicked open the passenger door.

Tubbimura was sitting there, writing something on a pad. He looked up at Kimiko, startled. She grabbed his arm and flipped him backwards over her head, then jumped in the car and slammed on the gas, peeling out onto the road.

Kimiko laughed out loud. She hadn't even known she could _do _that. Tubbimura was a big dude.

"Ooh, yeah," she said, making a bicep and kissing it. "Who's got upper body strength _now? _Flame on, baby!"

She wished she had some sweet sunglasses to put rolled the window down instead and let the breeze blow through her hair. "Ahh," she said. The air had that nice growing-things spring smell. It also reeked of old fast food- no, no, that was the car. It also smelled like a harrowing combination of motor oil, metal, and utter _despair. _No, wait, she knew _that _smell. It was the smell of…

Jack Spicer. He was in the car too. He was staring at her. He was pressed against the passenger door, making himself as small as possible. He was breathing quickly and shallowly.

Ah. Well, good. She might as well finish the confrontation they'd started and get this mess cleared up once and for all. "There you are," Kimiko said. "I was talking to you."

Jack squeaked and threw his arms over his face. One arm was all pink- possibly from an Indian burn.

She looked him up and down. He looked skinny and pale and helpless. "So. Spill. Why does everyone think I killed you?"

Jack was shaking. He was sweaty and his eyes were glazed and staring. He'd turned an alarming shade of green. "Don't get any ideas!" He flinched. "Eep!"

Kimiko rolled her eyes. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Well, not right _now,_ anyway." She dangled her arm out the window, feeling the breeze on her fingers.

He was hyperventilating, and holding the injured place in his chest, and crying. She wasn't going to get anything out of him like this.

"Calm down," she said in a firm, steady tone.

He stared at her like _she_ was the one out of her mind. "I can't."

She realized she had no idea whether he could calm down or not. She'd certainly never seen him do it. "Take deep breaths," she offered.

Now he looked offended. "I can't!"

She looked straight ahead at the road. "Come on. Jack. Breathe." She realized she was using the same no-nonsense tone of voice that she'd heard Clay use on misbehaving cows, and had to stifle a sudden desire to bust out laughing.

Jack stared at her a minute longer, then the despairing look left his eyes- he must have decided he wasn't in danger. He swallowed, gasped, started taking long, slow breaths, and finally, slumped in his seat, shutting his eyes. "Whew." He ran his free hand through his hair. "Thanks. I was freaking out." He gave her a small, hopeful, sideways smile.

"I noticed." Her voice was dry. She didn't want to encourage any sycophantic behavior. She straightened up in her seat, scowling at the road. "Now what did you tell people?"

He frowned. "Nothing! I don't know _what's _happening! I think it was Ashley. Hey-" The crooked smile was back and it was a little bigger. "Did you kick her butt?"

It took Kimiko a moment to realize who he was talking about. Then she felt a responding smile slide across her own face. Not because of Jack, of course- this was a smile born of the sweet, sweet memories of Katnappe Dismayed. "I suuuure did."

Jack snickered. The side of his face was swelling up.

"He hit you, huh?" she observed.

"Hmm?" He gingerly touched his puffy cheek. "Oh, yeah, couple times."

Kimiko raised an eyebrow. "So what did you do _this _time?"

Jack shrugged. "Ah, I stiffed him out of a payment. You know, after this treatment, I don't think I'll ever pay him."

She looked back out at the road. "Up to you. Although, your hospital bill will probably be more than whatever it is you owe him."

"I can take care of myself." Kimiko burst out laughing. Jack glared at her. "Well, you had all my Wu!"

"Yeah, right. That's why he could beat you up. What was he writing down?"

Jack shrugged. "My dad's bank account number."

"Your-" Her eyebrows shot up as she realized the implications. "Wow, Jack. Enjoy boarding school."

"He won't notice." Jack looked out the window. "Are we going somewhere?"

"Nope. This is Tubbi's car, right?"

"Yeah."

Everything inside the car had a slimy feel. "It's gross."

"Yeah it's total crap." Jack looked stormy, as if Tubbimura's icky car was a personal offense. Maybe to him it was, him being the 'evil car' guy and all.

"Maybe he'll let your payment go if you build him a better car."

Jack shook his head. "Nuh-uh. I don't build things for people, Kimiko. It's a long and twisty road."

She snorted. "Why? Are you afraid you'll get sued when your stuff breaks?"

"No! It's just…" He was quiet for a minute. "You really think people would want stuff I make?" The little pleading smile was back.

"No."

"Oh." He rolled down his window a crack, scowling.

"So what _have _you been telling people?" she asked, lest he think she just wanted to chat with him.

"Nothing. I told _Ashley_ I got a little messed up, I didn't say how."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "You didn't mention me at all?"

"No! I don't know how they even got that."

"You told your mom and dad about me, you slimy little liar."

Jack frowned. "Huh?" His eyes narrowed and his mouth pursed and his shoulders got tight. "Since when do you talk to my parents? I don't talk to yours!" He shrugged. "Well, except for that one time when Panda Bubba and I zombified your dad. Heh-heh."

She scowled, her grip tightening on the wheel. "They found _me. _In the hospital. They said you told them I did something to you."

"Well, I didn't tell them anything like that."

"You really don't remember?"

"Remember what? I remember waking up in the hospital." He looked her up and down. "I'm not surprised if it was you, though. You know, you have anger issues." She growled. He held his hands up. "Just sayin'."

She wondered whether or not she should tell him. If he didn't know what happened, maybe that was better.

No, wait, that wouldn't work. She'd already told Wuya. The Heylin side would get to know about it and Jack would hear about it from them, and he might hear it wrong- especially if Wuya wanted him to hear it wrong. Maybe she was forming some kind of scheme. Kimiko should never have told her anything.

"You fell in the lake and I pulled you out," she said finally.

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah, I dragged you by your arm, I guess I pulled you a little hard."

"Oh." He looked faintly disappointed.

"And…" Kimiko felt her ears get hot. She looked away. "You hurt your rib when you fell."

Jack sighed and rolled his eyes. "And here I was thinking we had some kind of epic battle. You saved my _life? _Laaaame!_"_

Kimiko's voice was frosty. "Yes, I did, and a thank you would be nice."

Jack slumped in his seat, pouting. "Do you know what Wuya is going to do to me when she hears this?"

No 'thank you'. What a jerk. "I already told her," Kimiko said with a flip of her hair.

Jack huffed. "Great. My reputation is over."

"You never had a reputation." Her next words came out in a tumbled rush. "Anyway, if Wuya knows you don't remember what happened, she might try to tell you her _own _version, so you should know she's lying. Just so you know. It happened just how I said."

Jack didn't seem to be listening as much as she'd like him to. "You really pulled me out of the lake?"

"Yes."

He was smirking a little, showing off those big ugly yellow teeth. "Kimiko, I didn't know you cared."

She bared her teeth, her nails digging into the steering wheel. "Don't make me bash your stupid face in!"

He rolled his eyes and looked out the window. "Fine, be that way."

"I could have left you there," Kimiko said. "We would've all been better off."

Jack said nothing for an extended period of time.

Kimiko turned the radio on and stared straight ahead at the road.

After a few songs, Jack yawned, shifted in his seat, and said: "I'm kinda tired. Mind dropping me off home?"

"Sure."

His voice was dripping with relief. "Thanks."

"I left Katnappe in your basement."

Jack was quiet a moment. "We can keep driving."

Kimiko checked the clock. 2 AM. The battle-high was starting to drain away, but slowly. She didn't think she could sleep. "You hungry?"

"Uh…" He shrugged. "Yeah?"

They were approaching town. The place looked different from a car than from Dojo's back, but she was reasonably sure she could still find McDonald's.

Yeah, here it was. She pulled into the drive-thru.

"I'll have an ice cream cone and…"

"I want the-" Jack started to say.

She cut him off. "…a Happy Meal. Chicken nuggets. Diet Coke. No ice."

"Which toy do you want?" the speaker crackled.

She glanced at the menu. There were Hello Kitty toys and Transformers. "Hello Kitty."

After getting the food she pulled over, tossed the Happy Meal at Jack and started in on her ice cream.

"I wanted the fish sandwich," Jack said, pouting.

"I don't care. Eat your chicken nuggets. And give me the toy."

He took the toy out and gave it to her, wrinkling his nose as if the little plastic packet was a dead thing. It was a little roll of stickers. Ooh. These would look good on her wall.

"You know, you're being weird," Jack said.

'Weird'. Jack would know about weird. She gave him a sardonic smile. "Thank you, Jack!" She pinched his cheek (the one that wasn't bruised). "That's the _nicest_ thing you've ever said to me!"

He pressed up against the passenger door. His eyes were as big as saucers. "Okay, what's going on?"

Kimiko caught a falling ice cream drip with her tongue. "What? I think I deserve a treat after being your exterminator."

"Okay, first, you left Ashley in my basement, which doesn't really help me. Second, you came to steal my Wu, so don't complain about walking into anything. Third, I like my drinks with ice in them."

"You don't have to drink it."

"Fine." He started eating his fries. "You know, I didn't even know you could drive."

"Raimundo taught me."

"Nn."

She focused her attention on her ice cream. When it was gone she looked up to see Jack sitting there turned away from her, curled up in the seat with his cheek against the headrest. The Happy Meal had completely vanished and the empty container was sitting on the floor.

She looked at him for a moment. Spiky hair, scrawny build, pointy shoulders, that was definitely Jack Spicer. And he was definitely sitting in a car with her, with the remains of a Happy Meal she'd bought for him. And- fuzzy dice, katana between the seats, horrible lingering odor of sweat and food- this was definitely Tubbimura's car. And they were sitting in it.

Together.

Alone.

"Okay, this _is _pretty weird," she said.

Jack started as if she'd woken him from a light doze. "Umf." He settled back into his previous position. His voice was muzzy and sleepy. "Yeah, pretty weird."

"Could you do me a _big _favor and not tell anyone this happened?"

"Sure. I'm not even sure I'm here right now." He yawned and shifted around in his chair.

She started the car.

* * *

Jack was fast asleep when they got back to his house. She stopped the car and looked at him for a moment. He was frowning, and trembling, and making little whimpering noises when he breathed too deep.

She reached over to smack him awake, then pulled back. If she woke him up, he was pretty much guaranteed to whine at her. Besides, she really didn't have anything more to say to him.

And… okay, he looked really tired… really, really tired.

She left the keys in the ignition and the doors locked with Jack inside. He'd be safe enough in there.

And if he wasn't, well, there was only so much protecting him from his own stupid jerkiness she was willing to do.

She headed off into the woods.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: And now to open the chapter with an answer to the burning question on all of your minds. What to do about Tubbimura's nasty car.

* * *

Jack woke up with a stiff neck. He'd been curled up with his head jammed between the door of the car and the headrest of his seat.

He stretched slowly. He felt groggy, hot and sticky. The sunlight was pouring in on him through the window. He glanced in the rearview mirror to see his face was all pink and he had a nasty bruise on one cheek.

Nnn. He brushed sweaty hair off his forehead and looked around the inside of the car. Dusty, stained, nasty-smelling, dingy, this was _definitely _not one of his. His head was pounding. Mmmnh, headache, grogginess, slight nauseated feeling, clothing (well, jammies) all out of order, waking up in an unfamiliar car, and unable to remember why. That must have been _some _scuffle last night. Man.

There was a katana between the seats. There was some trash from McDonald's in front of the seats. There was a single long black hair lying in the driver's seat.

Jack picked up the hair. He didn't know anyone with black hair, did he? Ashley was a blonde, Wuya had that weird purple-red color, and- wait. Kimiko

He rubbed his temples. Kimiko. He was starting to remember now. Sitting crunched up here while Kimiko drove. But… that didn't seem to make much sense, why would Kimiko take off with him like that? Had she delivered a beating?

He fingered the achy spot on his cheek. Hmmmm. No. It wasn't bad enough to be one of hers. He'd have to remember harder.

But he'd remember harder somewhere else. It was really hot and stuffy in the car and he was soaked in sweat. The windows were cracked, but the sun was beating in.

Jack tried to open the door. It wouldn't open. He freaked out for a moment and then he realized he just needed to unlock the door. So he did that, and then he got out of the car. Then he turned to look at the car.

It was so _ugly. _It was ugly and dirty and all rusted out. The doors looked like they were about to fall off.

This car was an insult to villainy. Jack ground his teeth for a moment and then he kicked it hard in the hubcap. He jumped up and down a little. He wasn't wearing shoes.

He looked over the car a little closer. Kimiko had said something to him, didn't he? Something about that car, that is. Something about how she thought he could fix it?

Pssh. Was he or was he not _the _Jack Spicer, evil boy genius and master of evil mechanics? Of course he could fix this. If he couldn't fix this, no being alive could fix this… could he fix this?

He looked the car (or, more accurately, the pile of rusted-out _junk) _up and down. Well, he'd have to take off that siding. Those tires were shot. The upholstery? Baaarf.

Was there anything about the car that _could _stay? Maybe he was better off scrapping the thing and using a few of the parts.

He popped the hood and his mouth fell open. This engine… it was a thing of beauty. He felt all choked up just looking at it. What was that fat slob _thinking, _letting such a wonderful piece of machinery rot in this nasty shell? It made Jack want to kill something.

"Don't worry," he told the engine, patting it a little and gulping down the sudden lump in his throat. "It's okay. I'm here now. You're gonna be just fine."

He turned and went into the house, opening the front door. The floor was littered with fragments of his shattered creations. Other people were so _destructive._

Jack stepped gingerly over the broken pieces. Hours of work and loving care reduced to a pile of shards. Sure. Wasn't the first time. "Kick me when I'm down, go ahead," he muttered. He felt like he'd said it before. Well, it bore repeating?

He came to the end of the wreckage and found something else lying on the floor. It was the Shroud of Shadows. Jack picked it up and pulled it around his shoulders, chuckling nastily to himself. So Kimiko _had _been here. He now faintly remembered her dropping this on the floor- when he caught her in the middle of stealing all his Wu.

Bah. Humbug.

Still, it was nice of her to leave this for him. He headed down into the basement. Halfway down, he remembered something else that Kimiko said she had left for him.

"Shroud of Shadows," he said, pulling it over his head.

All he found down there was a shattered bot-bubble and a note tacked to his table:

_I'll be back when your little girlfriend isn't here, Jackie._

Girlfriend?

Gee. What had _happened _last night? After racking his brains, Jack managed to remember cringing in the passenger seat, hyperventilating and hurting and thinking he was going to die. Well, that told him nothing!

Eh, he'd never had a girlfriend before, maybe it was painful. Jack stuffed the note in his pocket. He went over to the wall, where his robots were lined up. He was down to five.

"Hey, Jackbots," he said. "Break's over. Pick up that busted glass and open the big door in the back, we got work to do."

He cracked his knuckles. First order of business: clean out the car. The glove compartment was full of trash, packets of chopsticks, and questionable ointments. Ew. All that had to go.

There was a sweet katana between the seats and a collection of throwing stars and stuff in the backseat. Jack appropriated these things and hid them in little pockets of loot scattered around his house.

Kimiko had left her raided Wu in the car. Maybe Ashley had kicked her in the head too hard. Jack knew he was charming and distracting- to girls- and everything, but even he knew this was weird behavior for Kimiko.

He picked up the sack and went to his safe. Er, the lock was broken. Oh well, he'd fix that in a moment, he'd just stow these Wu here in the meantime. He opened the safe.

She'd left him the Monkey Staff.

He blinked at it, thinking for a moment that maybe he was mistaken. But no. That was the Monkey Staff.

He picked it up, feeling the familiar smooth, polished wood of it under his fingers. The weight of it was like an old friend. He liked to think the staff felt the same way about him somewhere deep in its magical core.

Kimiko had left it for him. He felt all teary and he didn't know why. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve, sniffling.

All right, enough of that. He stuffed all the Wu back into the safe and went over to set the Jackbots to ripping out the car's upholstery, which turned out to be full of mouse sprinkles. Ick, ick, ick.

* * *

When Kimiko woke up, she realized that she'd left the sack of stolen Shen Gong Wu in Tubbimura's car, right next to Jack.

Ugh. Well, so much for that.

The other monks didn't know she'd been gone. She decided, given the utter failure of last night, that she wouldn't enlighten them. She'd accomplished nothing.

She did feel better, though. It had been nice to see Jack alive and just as creepy and annoying as ever. Nothing had changed. She had done nothing wrong.

She stretched and then got up to wake up the others and start on breakfast.

While she was frying the eggs, she got an idea. "Hey," she said. "Those rumors…"

"What?" Raimundo asked. He was tending the toaster.

"They spread so fast. The evil side must have some way to communicate with each other really quickly."

"That makes sense. It seems like they all show up together at once outta nowhere sometimes."

"Well, what's the fastest way to communicate?"

"Magic?" Raimundo guessed.

"No, silly, the Internet!" She grinned. "And I can get into _anything _on the Internet."

Raimundo arched his eyebrows. "You wanna hack the Heylin?"

"I think it'd come in handy. We could learn about what they're planning, leave them fake messages…"

"It is a good idea. I could have thought of it, it is so good," Omi said, laying out the silverware.

Kimiko dumped the finished eggs onto a plate. "Er, thanks."

"That _would _come in handy," Raimundo said. "It sounds stupid enough that they'd do it too."

"Yeah."

Raimundo nodded and got back to his toasting.

Kimiko cleared her throat. He looked up at her. "What?"

"So should I do that then?"

"Huh? Sure, why you askin-" He shook his head, looking suddenly flustered. "I mean- yes, Kimiko, as your Shoku leader I grant you permission to be a crazy little hacker girl."

She performed a mock curtsy. "Thank you, Shoku Leader Raimundo."

"Cut dat out," he muttered. He was blushing.

* * *

Jack loosened a bolt three turns and then put the wrench down on the table.

Marvin was staring at him soullessly from across the table.

"I, uh…" Jack stared at the wrench. Ten seconds ago he'd been totally absorbed in his work and now his head was all fuzzy and sick-feeling and he couldn't concentrate. "I think I should take a break…"

Marvin showed no signs of having an opinion.

Jack looked up at the car. It had been stripped down to its barest framework, which had turned out to be some really nice solid construction. It was disgusting what Tubbimura had let this car turn into.

Speaking of Tubbie. Where had he gone off to? He wasn't still hanging around, was he?

Eh, Jack had been at this for hours and no sign of him. He was probably long gone.

He stood up. Oof, dizzy. He clung to Marvin for a minute, getting his bearings, and then he shuffled off up the stairs. Couch. TV.

He got to the couch and fell into it. Marvin had followed him and was hovering there waiting for orders.

Jack motioned at the TV. "Turn it to Cartoon Network. And, uh… get me my laptop." He should check the forums- maybe they'd let him know where Tubbimura had gotten off to.

* * *

So, after breakfast, Kimiko got out her laptop and started up a few searches. She quickly stumbled onto a forum called HeylinNET: The Internet Home of Evil Shenanigans.

Too easy. Why hadn't she thought of this months ago?

She clicked the link and found that they'd pre-emptively blocked the temple's IP address. Pff, there were ways around that.

Ten seconds later she was in. The forum's content was hidden to non-members. She signed up with the name 'XiaolinWarriorsSuck'.

It was the most evil thing she could think of.

Hrnnh, her account needed to be approved by an administrator before she could get in. Would making her own way around that be worth the risk of waiting to be approved? There was already a chance someone would catch on to her blocking the IP ban.

She'd wait a few minutes and see if she got approved. She pulled up YouTube in another tab to browse while she waited.

She glanced at her subscriptions box. Raimundo had added a few videos of advanced martial arts tricks to his favorites. As well as a few videos of video game characters doing dumb things. Ooh, those looked funny. She clicked on them.

Fifteen minutes of videos later she remembered about the approval thing. She clicked back over to the Heylin forum.

Her account hadn't been approved, but there was a message in her private inbox. She clicked on it.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Kimiko?

Oh no. She fired off a quick reply.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Who?

No, wait! If her username was XiaolinWarriorsSuck- she had to know who the Xiaolin warriors were!

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
No way! The Xiaolin Warriors suck!

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Well, I know you're logged on from the Xiaolin Temple. If you're not Kimiko, who are you? Clay? Because that hick wouldn't know an IP block from my skinny white butt.

Ew. Unwanted mental images.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
All right, Jack, it's me. I found your little forum. What are you gonna do about it, block me? Because I can get around anything you try to do. And stop calling Clay a hick. It's mean.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Hey, I just asked if it was you. I never said I'd do anything about it.

A little popup popped up in the corner of her screen. 'Your account has been approved. Congratulations! :D'

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Let me guess. You don't talk about your own plans on here and you want me to take out your competition.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
If you'd be so kind. :)

Yeah. He wasn't that hard to figure out.

She started clicking around on the forums. Her jaw fell open. These people talked about _everything. _There were three threads about a bake sale Panda Bubba's lackeys were having. How was she supposed to find any evil plots in this mess? There was no organization whatsoever.

And she had a new private message. Three guesses who it was from. She clicked on it.

**Le_Mime**_  
archenemy - 210 posts_  
:D ;)

Um… hm. She wouldn't answer that.

She kept looking around. Apparently Wuya wanted help for split ends. For a 'friend'. Yeah. On a whim, Kimiko posted a fake remedy that would turn the old hag's hair green.

And… Cyclops was on here? He'd started five threads at once that had all gotten locked. Jack had posted in one of them. She clicked on it.

**CYCLOPS!**_  
idiot - 56095 posts_  
LDKJFSLDFJKDGOjtrpreoqtu9v3o u960riejgalfsdkmg;a sfmewpoaejfpeawj;ldmvl;xbj;fdjg;smaflv;  
  
butt  
Afdgadifgjslajfglafdg

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
NOT COOL!

Okay, Kimiko was going to have to show this place to the others. She'd like to get some actual intel first, though. She'd poke around a while longer.

Ashley- er, Katnappe- was posting YouTube links en masse. Kimiko clicked on one.

"Ew," she said, and closed it out. She'd been expecting videos of cats, not… _that. _Ew.

She had another private message. Yes, this time it was Jack.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
So… how's it goin?

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Go away.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
You finding everything okay? Maybe you need a guide. I've been here since the forum started, you know~

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
It is SO GROSS how you guys all turn on each other all the time. You're like rats eating each other or something EW.

She clicked around some more. Hm. Here was a thread on Raimundo. Kimiko clicked on it.

Aww, they were saying mean things about Raimundo that weren't even true. Wuya was the worst offender, talking about the time she'd seduced the poor boy to the dark side. Kimiko started typing a heated rebuttal. Then she realized it would blow her cover. Crap.

And she had another message from Jack. She clicked on it. She realized she'd been too hasty going off on him when he offered to 'show her around'- what did it matter to her that the villains were always at each other's throats? She should take advantage of it, she wanted to be out of here as soon as possible. It was just too fun to yell at Jack.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
I'M SO LONELY! MY MOM AND DAD ARE OUT OF TOWN AND NO ONE'S HERE AND I'M SICK AND I'M ALL ALONE TALK TO MEEEE

Slightly taken aback, she replied with the first thing that came to town.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
No!

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Please! PLEASE! Just talk to me a little while and I'll show you all the really good threads please! PLEASE

She didn't want to talk to him. But this forum was so messy-

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
PLEASE

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Talk to Wuya!

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
She won't answer the phone! No one will answer the phone! What if I started dying all alone here? Who would help me? ;~;

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Your parents aren't answering the phone either?

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
They screen their calls. They know I'm not dying. :(

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
What about your friends?

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Oh, DUH. What am I thinking? I know you don't have friends.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Le Mime's online.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Rub it in, that's fine.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Le mime? No thanks, he'd just ;) at me.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Jack what would you do with friends anyway?

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Nothin'. I'm a misanthropist. It comes with the territory.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
You. Are. So weird.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Thanks! Hey, have there been any new Wu?

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
One. It controls electricty. You would've really liked it. You could have used it for your stupid inventions. Too bad _we_ have it now.

Hey, Wuya wasn't talking to him, right? He wouldn't know the difference until Kimiko could get the rod back.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
That would come in handy. Maybe I'll come for a 'visit' sometime. In the darkest part of the night when you think you're safe. BAAAHAHHAHAHAHA

Please, he was afraid of the dark.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
I'd enjoy that.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
You- really?

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
I'd enjoy BRINGING THE HURT.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
AWWW YEAAAH!

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
H-HEY I GOT YOU TO TALK TO ME!

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
No Jack, I don't want to talk to you.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
I'm postiiiing…

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
You're answeriiiiing…

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
We're taaaaalkiiiingg…

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
JACK SPICER I AM NOT GOING TO TALK TO YOU.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Oh, look, I found the thread where everyone says you're dead.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Man, really? What are they saying?

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
You didn't read it?

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Nah. I haven't been checking the boards for a while, not up to it. I feel really rotten.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Jack, you _are_ rotten.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
To the core, baby.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Let's see, the first post is by… 'Overwielder'. Jack, who's that?

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
No clue. Dumb name.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
He says you fell when your little backpack stopped working. That's funny. That is what happened.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
It is? Oh, why didn't you tell me? I could have been working on fixing the helibot.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Well, it's at the bottom of the lake now.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
WHAT

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
THANKS, KIMIKO! THANKS A LOT!

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Still breathing? You're welcome.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
Are these timestamps right?

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
I set them myself.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 0 posts_  
That's funny, they look right anyway.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 1 posts_  
They ARE right.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 1 posts_  
JACK LOCK ALL YOUR DOORS AND WINDOWS RIGHT NOW

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
What? Why?

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 1 posts_  
IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL DIE.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
AAAAAAAAAAH! Wait, what?

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 1 posts_  
YOU WILL DIIIIEEEE.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! Okay, why?

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 1 posts_  
Jack, seriously. Just do it. In fact, go hide under that little trap door in your basement.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
It's dark in there and my rib hurts. I'm tired. I don't wanna!

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 1 posts_  
LISTEN TO ME. GO LOCK ALL YOUR- fine. Whatever. We'll be over there in a few minutes. Those locks better be locked.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
But I'm not ready for company.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
My hair's a mess. :(

Kimiko picked up her laptop and ran outside into the training grounds. Clay and Raimundo were turning a jump rope while Omi jumped.

"Guys!" she yelled.

Clay and Raimundo dropped the rope and Omi fell over it.

"Dis is a real thing, I looked it up online and it's for foot dexterity or something and you can't say anything about how it looks because I'm leader!" Raimundo blurted.

"Huh?" Kimiko looked at the jump rope. It was pink. "Oh… kay. Look, I got into the forum. And I think someone has it in for Jack."

"Oh, dat's nice. So do we."

"No." Kimiko shook her head. "Those rumors about him being dead? They were started by someone _before _anything happened to Jack. Like, the hour before."

Omi rubbed his chin, his eyes narrowed. "Mooost suspicious."

"What's _more _suspicious is that they knew more or less what would happen. He fell in the lake because his backpack quit working. " She turned the laptop around.

**Overwielder**_  
goody two shoes_ - _1 post_  
I regret to inform you all that Jack Spicer appears to be no more… I have just heard that his helibot stopped working in midair, causing him to fall to his death.

**PandaBubbasRightHandMan**_  
lackey _- _50 posts_  
Lol wut?

**PandaBubbasLeftHandMan**_  
lackey _- _56 posts_  
FIRST!

**PandaBubbasLeftHandMan**_  
lackey _- _56 posts_  
…aww :(

"Who is that?" Omi asked.

Kimiko shook her head. "No clue. Their IP is hidden and even I can't get into it- and all the other villains are accounted for. Jack didn't even know who it is."

"Jack?"

"Yeah, he's been- oh, here's a message from him now."

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B**_  
overlord - 1063 posts_  
Well… you're ignoring me and I think I'm getting a cold so I'm going to bed. See you around, Kimiko.

"What's that all about?" Raimundo asked.

"Mm, he's not feeling well…"

"No, I mean, why is he talking to you?"

"Oh, he picked up on who I was and offered to help bust some of the other villains." She rolled her eyes. "These guys are _so weird." _She started typing.

**XiaolinWarriorsSuck**_  
goody two shoes - 1 posts_  
Don't go to bed _now, _I just told you we're coming over there!

"Uh, since when?" Raimundo wanted to know.

"Oh, I told him we-" Kimiko cut herself off, blushing. She hadn't even thought to ask the others first. "I assumed we should, well, check it out… if you… think that's a good idea, Rai."

Everyone was looking at him now.

"Uhh," Rai hunched his shoulders. "You think someone really tried to kill him?"

"Um…" It suddenly seemed a little silly to her. "Well-"

"All right, fine, dude, we'll go over there if it makes you feel better," Rai said, shaking his head. "I'm sick of all this drama anyway. Come on."

She closed the laptop.

* * *

A/N: Jack was actually ON Cartoon Network. META. META. META. Also, I've decided that this will be the story where Omi falls over all the time.


	7. Chapter 7

"Jack?"

There was a soft hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. He was tired and his bed was warm and comfortable and he tried to shrug the hand away. "Nuh."

"Jack, wake up." He didn't even know who this was. Some girl. Some really nice-sounding girl. Jack didn't know any nice girls- she probably wasn't even supposed to be in his house.

"G-go away, unnh." He turned away, burying himself in the warm blankets. Ergh, his chest hurt and his shoulder hurt and his head was all logy and-

"Wet willy!"

"EYAAAGH!" Jack sat straight up. _That _had been Raimundo. All four of them were there, in a little row, a little row of candy-colored robes and bright shiny Xiaolin faces and happy healthy smiles. "Wah! Jackbots-"

"Cool it!" Raimundo said, cutting him off. "We're not here to pick a fight, Spicer."

Jack cringed away, pulling the blankets over his head. They'd better not be. There actually weren't any Jackbots in hearing range. "Good, because if you were, I'd have to, to-" He coughed. Oh it hurt. "Leave me alooone…"

"Oh sure, we can leave you alone if you want to die," Raimundo said.

Jack hesitated. Death didn't sound entirely unpleasant, given that the alternative was Raimundo. "Well-"

"You're in that bed because someone tried to kill you," Kimiko interjected.

Jack lowered the blanket enough to peer over at her. "Huh?" This was too much. The monks shouldn't be here. He should be asleep.

Kimiko huffed. "Don't cry. Please. We're trying to talk to you."

"I'm so tired."

"_Jack."_ Her tone of voice was one his mother often used. He pushed the blankets down and sat there twiddling his thumbs and staring straight down at his legs, not looking at any of the monks. His nose was running. Maybe they wouldn't notice.

"For Texas' sake, clean yerself up," Clay said, voice dripping with disgust, and now someone was shoving a tissue box at him.

Jack blew his nose and then sat there looking as meek as possible. Maybe they would go away.

"Kimiko thinks someone sabotaged your little propeller thingy," Raimundo said.

Jack shrugged one shoulder, not making eye contact. "I have a lot of little propeller thingies. You'll have to be more specific."

"Er, the one you wear."

He had more than one of those, too, but they were probably talking about the helibot. "Right, the one _she_ left at the bottom of the lake." Kimiko rolled her eyes.

Raimundo folded his arms across his chest- his healthy, unbruised chest. "Omi's getting it back now." Oh, Cheeseball was missing. How had he not noticed? "You're gonna look at it and tell us if someone messed it up, or if you're just stupid."

"Nn, fine. Wake me up when he comes back," Jack mumbled, lying back down. His head was pounding.

"You got anythin' to eat in here?" Clay was asking.

"Yeah. No. I don't care. Get lost." He pulled the pillow over his head. The monks muttered to each other for a moment, too low to understand, and then they left… finally. He burrowed deeper into the blankets.

* * *

"Get up, Spicer."

He was being roughly shaken. He keened and opened his eyes to see the Cowboy of Death looming above him.

"I have returned with your backpack!" Omi chirped from beside the Cowboy of Death. Jack sat up. Omi shoved the helibot into his lap.

"It's wet," Jack said tonelessly.

"Very wet," Omi agreed.

Jack poked at the helibot. For a few head-swimmy moments it looked like some foreign object from Mars, especially since a good deal of the paint had come off and one front panel. The straps were broken too.

He turned it around and popped open the back panel, looking at the insides. "Oh, yeah," he said. "Looks like these wires were cut." He tapped it. "See, the ends were still loosely held together, so it worked at first, but then when I turned they'd come apart and this end would touch the metal here, and then, of course, when it got wet- ah, why am I telling you this?" He pushed the tattered wreck of his helibot away from him. "You don't give a rat's behind."

"An' you didn't do that?" Clay asked. "The wire thing?"

Jack looked up at the cowboy's stony, unmoving face. These jokers had busted him up, left his helibot in the lake and wrecked it, come into his house to traipse around, and now they were talking like he was a babbling moron when _they _were the ones who didn't know what on Earth they were talking about. Especially this one. "You're asking," he said, deliberately, "if I altered my prized helibot, a gift from my grandma, and my main form of transportation, in a way that might _e-lec-tro-cute me to death."_

Clay shrugged. "You're always cuttin' wires and weldin' crap and screwin' up."

Jack tapped on the helibot. "This is the main power line." His eyes narrowed. "Are you saying I'm _stupid?" _

"Yes," Clay replied, with no sign of hesitation.

"Oh, most definitely, yes, you are a little bit stupid," Omi nodded. "Maybe more than a little bit."

This was not worth it. Jack lay back down. "Screw you. Get out of my house."

He shut his eyes. For a moment he thought maybe they'd decided to shut up and go away. Then Omi talked.

"I'm sorry you feel so icky." His voice was soft.

"Kinda takes the fun out of this sorta thing," Clay said. "I guess I kin see what Kimiko's so riled up about."

Jack opened one eye. "Kimiko? Is she worried about me?"

Clay shrugged. "She says she ain't."

"Oh." He closed the eye. "Where'd she go, anyway?"

"Her'n Raimundo found yer TV set. They say it's really awesome."

Figures. "I built that TV."

"Well, they ain't broke it yet." Clay's tone suggested that it was only a matter of time.

Jack sighed, but not deeply enough to cause pain. "Tell 'em to go ahead. You guys break everything else. My robots. My locks. My helibot. My ribs." He sniffled. "_My heart."_

"There you go," Omi said. He managed to _sound _like he had that big old cheesy 'I'm so good and so happy' grin on. Jack could see it in his mind even though his eyes were screwed shut. "There is that funny self-pitying spirit that we know and recognize."

"When you were gettin' mad at us like that we were almost thinkin' somethin' was really wrong with you," Clay said. His voice was warm and cheerful.

Jack sniffled. Omi patted him on the head. "We will go join Raimuno and Kimiko in their enjoyment of the TV set," he chirped. "You should rest yourself. It is the best way to a speedy recovery!"

The irony was agonizing. "I _knooow…"_

Omi tucked the covers in around Jack's neck and shoulders. "Sweet dreams."

He was getting teary. "Go a_waaaay…"_

He heard them walk off. Finally. He just hoped they wouldn't come back this time.

* * *

"Wet will-"

"No!" Jack pulled the pillow over his head.

"Oh good, you're up," Raimundo was saying. "We have a few questions for you."

Jack pulled the pillow down and cracked one eye open. He ground his teeth together. "You went through my clothes?"

"Lookin' for clues," Raimundo said.

"You're wearing my mobster hat!"

"No way, dis is my new detective hat." He gave a casual tweak to the brim and slouched sideways, reasting his elbow on Jack's night table. "Anyway, who would want you dead?"

"Um… I dunno…" Jack groaned. 'Detective hat' his butt, that was the fedora his mom had bought for him in Chicago. "What's that music?" He sat up. "Are- are you having a _party?" _He started to tremble. "If you're having a party my mom is gonna kill me!"

Raimundo shrugged. "I can neither confirm or deny the existence of a mad dance party in your living room." Oh gosh- "I'm the one askin' the questions here dude. Who'd want you dead?"

Jack rubbed his eyes. "I don't know, you? Because you're heading that direction." Jack pulled the pillow back over his face, it was easier for him when he couldn't see that stupid little 'suave' look Raimundo had plastered on. "You're lucky I don't solve my problems with violence. Well, violence made by me personally, anyway. Get out of my room!"

"Just gimme a straight answer or I'll have to use my bad boy interrogation skills on you."

Those 'skills' probably involved more wet willies. "H'ohh… I don't know, Tubbimura?"

"No, he said he didn't want you dead at the theater. Remember? Oh yeah, you weren't there. Well, he doesn't want you dead."

"That's cool." Jack swallowed. His throat was a little sore. "I don't know who else. Really. I'm such a nice guy."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes. No one's _ever _threatened to kill me." It was something he would have remembered. "Hurt me, maybe. Take my stuff. Appropriate my house for their own selfish reasons- now who does that sound like?"

Raimundo shrugged. "Awright, I didn't think you'd be much help." He hopped down off the end of Jack's bed and headed out into the living room.

Finally. Jack moaned softly. He felt foggy and gross and he wanted to sleep forever.

* * *

"Jack?"

There was a soft, cool hand pressing itself to his cheeks and forehead. "Mom?"

"Ew. No. Did you eat anything today?" It was that nice girl again, the one from before. She sounded like Kimiko but nice.

"Nah."

"But you had something to drink, right?"

He tried to think. It was hard, like there was sand in his brain. "…mmmh. Nope."

The hand pulled itself away. Aww. "It's three in the afternoon."

"Cool."

"This is most unwise, do you want to get better or not?" That was Omi. He sounded irritated.

Jack shrugged a little, an action that hurt his shoulder. Oops. "Well, first I was too tired to eat anything and then these dweebs came in and started annoying me and you know, I'm not hungry now."

He heard them walk away and then there was some muttering from a ways off, probably the doorway: "I don't know, we've been here all day and he hasn't gotten up. A little, but that's a thick blanket… I don't know their phone numbers. He said they screen their calls. They don't like me much. It's not funny, guys. Okay. It's kind of funny." The muttering dropped to an unintelligible hissing whisper, and then someone was tugging on his arm. "Hey, Omi made you some tea."

"I did?" Omi was asking. "When did I do that?"

Jack opened his eyes a little. Kimiko was shoving a teacup at him. Jack took it. It was half full and cool enough to drink. He drank it, hoping it would make her go away.

"There you go," she said, pulling on his arm. "Now get up."

"Nnn." He shook his head.

"Up, up, up."

"I don't want to get up."

Kimiko was pulling on him one way and someone else- Omi, probably- was shoving on him from the other way. And it hurt. Jack wound up in a sitting position.

"There, that's better," Kimiko said. "Now come out to the living room. We have pizza."

"I don't want any pizza," he slurred. "I told you, I'm not hungry." He was sorta dizzy. "In fact, I… _think _I'm gonna barf."

Kimiko and Omi quickly made their way to the other side of the room. Jack lay down, taking deep, slow breaths and waiting for everything to stop spinning.

He heard Kimiko talk from the hall. She was wheedling. "Hey, Clay? Remember when that poor little sparrow flew into the window and hurt itself and you took it into the temple and made it _all _better?"

"Oh yes, Clay!" That was Omi. "And when that bald doggie fell over the temple wall and broke its paw!"

Kimiko again: "And when that alley cat gave birth on the front steps? You're so _good _with taking care of helpless, injured creatures that are too stupid to take care of themselves and too homely for anyone else to want!"

Clay's voice was flat. "Y'want me to stick Jack in a shoebox an' feed him breadcrumbs?"

Omi: "Would that be helpful?"

Jack didn't like where this was going. He sat up again. He was sweating. "Hey, hey, wait a minute! I feel fine now! Really! Look, all better!"

He gagged and slapped his hand over his mouth, leaning over the edge of the bed.

"Clay-" Kimiko sounded as if she hadn't even noticed the interruption. "-you're so much bigger and stronger than we are."

"Speak for yo'self," Omi muttered. He yelped in pain, probably the victim of an elbow to the ribs.

"What if someone needs to pick him up and move him somewhere?" Kimiko continued. "Maybe out to the living room, where we can watch him?"

"Pick him up and move him? Well, shoot, Kim, you're makin' this sound better n' better," Clay replied. Hillbilly sarcasm. Cute.

"Clay, somebody needs to do something, what if he needs a doctor?"

"He's _yer_ boyfriend, _you_ look after him."

"Eh?" Jack picked his head up just in time to see Kimiko punch Clay in the knee, to no apparent effect.

Omi giggled. "Haha, Kimiko! Clay is implying that you are so concerned with Jack Spicah's welfare because you are _hawt_ for his scrawny, limp-noodle body!" He yelped and ran off, with Kimiko in hot pursuit. That left Jack and Clay.

Clay cracked his knuckles, snorting. "Don't you get any ideas, Spicer, we're jest yankin' Kim's chain, she hates yer scurvy yella guts. Yer lucky she's got a soft spot for injured, homely critters that're too stupid to help 'emselves."

Jack scoffed. "'Scurvy yella guts'? Where do you _get _this stuff? Do you go home to your little temple and watch Clint Eastwood movies all day?" He shuddered and pulled away from Clay as best as he could, gasping. "Wh-why are there two of you? That's not fair!"

Both Clays sighed a little through their noses and said: "All right, this is gonna be way more awkward fer me than fer you."

Jack cringed. "Somehow I doubt that."

"Lie still, don't puke and stay th' heck away from ma' hat." Clay put his huge, beefy hands on Jack's shoulders, pressing him down to the bed. There was only one of him now.

Jack closed his eyes. "One wrong move, Dude Ranch, and I'm kicking your butt. Hahaha! Haha! That tickles!"

"I stopped touchin' you."

Jack hugged his knees to his chest. "Mommy!"

"Now take off yer shirt."

Jack just looked at him.

"Busted ribs, right?" Clay asked.

"Yeah."

"Shirt off, I gotta take a look."

Jack turned away, shaking his head and pulling the end of his shirt down over his knees. "There's nothin' under here you need to look at."

"I'll have Omi come in here an' look instead if you don't co-operate and he does tickle- on purpose."

Jack pulled his shirt up, sniffling.

"Hrnh. Looks like it's healin' okay," Clay muttered under his breath. "Put yer shirt down. Now, whatever goes on in your stupid head, don't you _ever _think it's a good idea to show that to Kimiko, she feels bad 'nuff already."

"Show me what?" Kimiko said from the hall.

"Nothin, now go try to find a thermometer," Clay said. He put his fingers around Jack's throat. Jack froze, staring straight ahead.

"Oh, fer- I'm takin' yer pulse. I ain't gonna kill ya."

Jack nodded slowly. "Whatever you say, Clay." He made an attempt at a smile.

Clay shook his head and took his hand away. "Calm down, geez."

Jack pulled away, tugging the blanket up over his shoulders and sniffling. "Are you done yet?"

Clay put his fingertips on Jack's chest. "Take a deep breath."

Jack did so.

"When was the last time ya took a _bath?"_

Jack tried to think back. "Uhmm…"

Clay tugged the brim of his hat down over his eyes. "Jest- never mind, I don't wanna know. Listen, I'm gonna take yer temprature, if Kimiko can find a thermometer, and then yer takin' a bath."

Jack looked down at his knees. "I don't really want to."

"If y'don't we'll make y'wish Kimiko let ya drown to death in the lake, okay?"

Jack blinked. Clay looked down at him with one steely blue eye. "S-sure."

"Found it," Kimiko chirped from the hall. Jack lay back against the pillow, closing his eyes. After a moment Clay pressed the thermometer into his hand. Jack put it in his mouth.

"Hey." Clay was shaking him gently.

"Mmh?"

"I think that's done. It beeped."

"Oh." Jack must have dozed a little. Clay took the thermometer out. Jack didn't bother to open his eyes. "What's it say?"

"Never you mind. Omi's runnin' a bath for you."

Jack opened one eye. "You tell Cheeseball that he is not going to be in there when I'm in there!"

Clay wrinkled up his nose. "Fine… you stay awake, now."

"Sure." Jack glanced at the doorway. Kimiko was standing there, watching the two of them. "Wait a minute. Weren't there four of you?"

"Raimundo went to go ask some questions. Shame, he's missin' all the fun we're havin' playin' nursey."

"Tch."

* * *

Chase Young had always seemed a little over the top to Raimundo. Seriously, a monster-mouth cave? It was like something out of a movie. Kiddy stuff.

No, Raimundo had no fear of Chase Young, or his warrior cats… or Wuya the Magic Undead Witch-Hag and her Super-Hair, for that matter. He reached up and knocked on the door.

Chase's voice, magically transmitted, boomed at Raimundo from every side, knocking his new detective hat off his head. "Begone, revolting worm!"

Raimundo bent down and picked his hat up, muttering under his breath. He'd been caught off guard by the little speaker system. Not fair.

He dusted off the hat, put it back on, adjusted it, and called: "It's me, Raimundo Pedrosa. Xiaolin Shoku Leader, Dragon of the Wind?"

"What business does the Dragon of the Wind have here?" Chase managed to make 'Dragon of the Wind' sound like a revolting insult. Snotty jerk.

Given the previous greeting, Raimundo was unlikely to be let inside if he said it was about Jack. So instead he said: "Ah, I wanted to see Wuya. Thinkin' of turning evil again and taking the others wid me, how 'bout it?"

"Somehow I doubt that," Chase replied. "In any case, Wuya is out. She's _been _out for a while. I don't suppose you'd know why."

Wuya? Missing? Hmm. "She didn't say anything about trying to kill anyone off before she left, did she?"

Chase was silent for a moment. Then he said: "Why?"

"No reason."

"The Xiaolin Shoku Leader does not approach a Heylin master to chat for no _reason. _If you will not be straight with me, I might have to invite you in for a more personal talk."

Cartoony threats. Yay. "All right, I'll come out with it," Raimundo said. "You know all this ruckus lately about Jack?"

"My patience has suddenly become much shorter, Dragon of the Wind."

"Well, it turns out, somebody tried to kill him. You hate him as much as the next guy so I thought I'd ask about it. Since he's always over here fangirling and all."

There was a silence, lasting long enough for Raimundo to wonder if Chase had dispensed with the magical ventriloquist act and was coming out to talk face-to-face. Then his voice boomed out of thin air again:

"Are you seriously implying that I tried- and failed- to kill Jack Spicer?"

Raimundo shrugged. "I don't know, dude, am I?"

"If I wanted him dead," Chase said, in a voice like jagged bent paper clips, "I would invite him to my lair. When he got here, I would take him by the throat and squeeze his windpipe until he could not breathe. I would watch him make futile attempts to beg for nonexistent mercy as the life slowly drained out of his fragile, mortal body. Then I would drop the resultant lifeless, scrawny white shell on the floor and call my warrior cats to dispose of it- slowly. Piece by ragged, bloody piece."

Raimundo's eyebrows rose. He was quiet a moment. "So you thought about it?"

"There is no _reason _to kill Spicer. The worm is certainly no _threat._ Whoever did this is an arrogant fool with no self-control and clearly no strength or skill- someone even lower than Spicer. Is that what you take me for, Dragon of the Wind?"

"I'm just coverin' all the options, dude. 'Sides, he didn't survive on his own. Kimiko helped." Raimundo still wasn't sure _why _she'd helped. He'd been a little suspicious that Jack was pulling some kind of scheme until he actually saw Jack- the scrawny little jerk seemed too tired and sick to even think to try anything on Kimiko. However, that still left Wuya, who was now conveniently MIA.

"You're here alone," Chase observed, changing the subject.

Raimundo leaned up against the rock wall. He was kind of sick of standing here talking to thin air. Of all the villains, Chase was definitely the least polite, except for maybe Katnappe. Now, that girl had _issues. _"I'm here to talk, man. Not fight. Besides, the others are busy."

"Why is the life of your most worthless enemy of such concern to you?"

"Hey. Killin' people isn't cool," Raimundo replied. "Even if it is Jack. If we just let you dudes run around bumpin' each other off, where would it end? There's gotta be a line."

"How noble."

Raimundo adjusted his hat. "It's what keeps me from being you."

"There are many things that separate us, Dragon of the Wind."

"You bet your scaly butt." Raimundo noticed a nearby bird taking an undue interest in him.

"However, on this we agree. There is no point in removing potentially useful living assets that will pass from this plane of existence on their own in a mere ninety or so year's time." Chase sounded genuinely heated. A nerve had been touched here. "Whatever worthless fool decided they were going to get up in the morning and play with life and death is going to answer to me." He paused for a moment. "I'm not sure you've quite realized that that hat you're wearing was actually on Spicer's head."

Raimundo shrugged. "I Lysol'd it first." He wondered how Chase had recognized the hat, and decided that Jack had probably come over to show it off at some point.

There was a brief silence, during which Raimundo watched clouds and wondered what 'answering to me' was going to mean. He hoped Chase wasn't going to be all up in the monks' grill throughout this whole investigation. Omi might think Chase could be worked with, but Raimundo thought the guy was pure poison. Leaving him out hadn't been an option, though. He was the prime suspect.

"So the other three of you are on babysitting duty," Chase said finally. "Whose idea was that?"

Apparently there were more than one of these spy-birds flapping around. Cute. "Does it matter?"

"It's unbecoming to a Shoku Leader to be led by the nose by a girl-child."

Chase must have eyes in the temple grounds too, then. Ick. Raimundo wasn't really surprised, though. "Kimiko had a good idea so I took it. Besides, if you don't like it I gotta be doing something right."

"Have you questioned her motivations?"

"Nope."

"Perhaps you should ask her where she was last night."

Raimundo wasn't even going to bother thinking about what that was supposed to mean. Chase would say anything to get a rise out of someone, and there was no one alive more trustworthy than Kimiko. "And perhaps you should get your little spying birdies off our cases and on to finding dat pesky Wuya," he replied.

There was a pause. "You're dismissed, I have no information for you."

Raimundo raised an eyebrow. "Is that Chase talk for 'you totally got me?"

"It's Chase talk for 'you have ten seconds'."

"Awright." Raimundo held his hands up. "It's not like you're fun to talk to or anything." He turned away, walking off at an unhurried pace. One down, many more to go.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Beer is from fermented grains, ergo, Hannibal drinking it is probably like a human drinking animal blood. Hardcore bean is hardcore.

* * *

There were four chairs around the table in the dark, smoky room- more of a cave than a room, really; with all the stairs he'd taken to get down here, they had to be deep underground.

Chase walked straight up to one of the chairs and spun it around. "What are you playing at?" he snarled.

Hannibal Bean grinned, as if he'd been expecting Chase. He was holding a hand of cards. "Just practicin' my poker game."

Human games seemed to be the latest Heylin fad. Before vanishing, Wuya had developed a habit of staying up all night improving her pinball score. It was the stupidest thing Chase had ever seen.

"Don't make me waste any more of my breath on you than necessary," Chase snarled.

Hannibal stubbornly would not seem at all discomfited. Neither had the Dragon of Wind seemed at all fazed at any point in their conversation, for that matter. Either the others were getting better or Chase was slipping… "If this is about Wuya, she hasn't been shackin' up with me. I haven't seen her in weeks."

"No, this isn't about the hag." Chase wouldn't even care she was gone, if not for the fact that she was probably planning something that would annoy him. "This is about how pathetic you've become. I don't know what's worse, that you tried to kill Spicer or that you couldn't even _succeed!" _Who was he kidding? He knew what was worse.

Hannibal raised an eyebrow, a teasing smile playing about his jagged, shriveled lips. "We're talkin' about _who, _now? Aw, why'd I want to go and kill the kid for?" His Southern drawl dripped with mock pity. "He's cuuute. _Help_less. Like a cockroach missin' some legs. And he _loves _us. Loves _you._"

Chase bared his teeth. "Don't make me sick."

"It's nice to see ya takin' a little more interest in the boy, why, he just worships the ground you walk on-"

"Enough." Chase slammed his fist down on the table, hard enough to make Hannibal's beer spill a few drops. "Why?"

A degree of coolness entered Hannibal's tone. "Friend, I didn't touch a greasy red hair on Spicer's head." His eyes narrowed slightly. "I have better things to do than murder worthless children. After all this time I thought you knew that."

"_Someone_ tried to kill him."

"Really. Asked Wuya?" Hannibal slicked back his comb-over, smirking. "Oh, right. You haven't seen her, have you?"

Chase shook his head. "Wuya has her… deficiencies, but she knows how to kill someone." And Jack trusted her. All she would have to do would be to offer him a hug… and then slip a knife between his ribs when he put his arms around her. "And she still thinks she can make use of the boy." Which was downright dense.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you." Hannibal shrugged. "I have standards just like you, boy."

Chase snorted. Bean with standards. Imagine that. However, he didn't seem to be lying about the attempted murder.

But who else would stoop so low? Maybe Wuya was simply losing her touch.

"Now, if you want to join my game," Hannibal hinted. "It's not much fun all by my own lovely self." He winked.

Chase growled and turned to leave.

"Fine," Hannibal sniffed.

* * *

Unlike Chase and Jack, who seemed to share a similar interest in making their respective lairs as over-the-top, stupid-looking, and easy-to-find as possible, the other villains were rather harder to just drop in on. Raimundo checked the mall, the coffee shops, the bars, even the library, when he started to feel desperate. And then he dropped in on Rio de Janeiro. Just for a minute. For strictly professional reasons.

There was no sign of anyone. And then Raimundo realized that he currently had easy access to someone who was enough of a creeper to have memorized where every villain was every second of every day. And Kimiko had that evil-forum thing. He headed back to Jack's house.

When he got inside, he checked the bedroom first. Jack was gone and the room looked like a tsunami had hit it- dresser drawers pulled out and dumped on the floor, blankets off the bed, window smashed, everything wet. Actually, it looked more like a Tsunami _Strike _had hit it. Hmm.

Raimundo went back into the hallway. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned, automatically slipping into a guard stance.

At first he thought someone had shrunk Jack for some reason, but then the figure in the black coat turned and gave him a huge grin, and it was Omi.

"Dude, what you playin' at?" Raimuno asked.

"I look most silly!" Omi waved his arms. He had Jack's goggles on his head, and he appeared to be wearing Jack's coat. The coat was really baggy around the chest and shoulders but it seemed to be the perfect length, and the sleeves were right too. Raimundo started to be confused by this, but then he saw Omi was holding a pair of scissors.

"Where's Jack?" Raimundo asked.

Omi shrugged. "I don't know. I have been avoiding him, because he will be _very _angry with me when he finds I have willfully ruined his clothing and it is not right to make a sick person angry for trivial reasons." Omi shuffled off down the hallway, humming to himself.

"Omi, this is why I'm leader and you aren't. It's because you're screwed up in the head," Raimundo muttered under his breath, heading into the kitchen.

Clay was there, eating a sandwich that was so big it seemed to defy the laws of physics. He tipped his hat to Raimundo. He looked faintly irritated.

"Hey," Raimundo said. "What's up?"

Clay's words came out in a tumbled rush. "Now, I wish you guys would leave Jack's stuff alone, it's prob'ly infected or somethin', shoot, I dunno, it jest don't feel right."

"You're eating his food." Wasn't that worse?

"He don't _wear _food," Clay countered. "The food wasn't on his rotten evil head. He don't put turkey meat in 'is hair, least, I hope not."

Raimundo hoped not too. "Sure, fine," he said. "Where's Kimiko?"

Clay pressed his lips together. He looked the very picture of a disapproving Southern grandma, making Raimundo wonder what Kimiko could possibly be doing. "In tha livin' room."

"Got it." Raimundo headed in there.

Kimiko was sitting on the couch. She was playing with a large, jet-black laptop and bobbing her head in time to music that was probably coming from the headphones she was wearing. The headphones were large and had big skulls attached to the sides and were probably not hers.

_Next _to Kimiko on the couch, curled up in a little ball and sucking his thumb, was Jack. He was fast asleep and whimpering and his head was about two inches away from Kimiko's hip and she didn't seem to be bothered by that one bit.

Raimundo went over to Kimiko and tapped her on the shoulder. She looked up at him, startled, then hit the pause button on iTunes.

"Hi, Raimundo! Did you learn anything?" She seemed happy. Perky, even. He leaned in, studying her neck for metal staples. "What are you doing? Back off!" She pushed him away. Definitely the real Kimiko.

"Just checkin," Raimundo said. "What are you doing?"

"Oh man, Raimundo, he has the best games ever," she said, eyes sparkling. "I've never seen them before. I can't believe I never found these anywhere! I thought my dad knew about everything! The graphics kind of suck, but the controls-" Her eyes widened. "Wait a minute, you don't think he _programs,_ do you?"

Raimundo wondered how she thought robot brains and jet navigation systems were made. "Do the games have a lot of robots in them?"

"This one is _all _robots. And they're fighting these kung fu warriors…" Her eyebrows furrowed. "Huh… yeah. But it's not like they're us or anything. These guys are ugly and gross and really super mean." She was quiet for a minute, and then she abruptly changed the subject. "So did you learn anything?"

"Don't think it was Chase," he said shortly. "Also, Wuya's missing. That's about it. I couldn't really find anybody. I was hoping you could work some Internet magic." His tone cooled a bit. "Or, uh, maybe your new friend could help."

"What new friend?" Kimiko turned to the side. She rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on!" She shook Jack awake, rather more gently than Raimundo would have. Then again Raimundo would have kicked him awake. "Jack, what did I tell you?"

"Huh?" he mumbled, blinking. His eyes were all puffy and his face was flushed and his hair was all over the place and sorta wet. He also looked cleaner than usual and he was wearing different PJs than before. The arm with the sling was under the shirt, like he hadn't bothered to try getting it through the armhole.

"Stay on the other side of the pillow," she told him.

"I _am_ on the other side," Jack slurred.

Kimiko shook her head. "No, your head is _on_ the pillow. You have to be at _least _over there." She made shooing motions. "Go on."

Jack rearranged himself so that his head went on the other arm of the couch instead.

"That's better," said Kimiko, even though they were still pretty darn close if you asked Raimundo, and she started clicking around. "Okay, Rai, I'm heading to the forum. Ewww, Jack, why are you using AOL? That program sucks."

"Evil," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"There's evil and then there's _stupid," _Kimiko muttered. "Oh look, he has it bookmarked… and he's already signed in!"

"Don' shange my pi'ture." Jack sounded like he was mostly back to sleep.

"I'll change whatever I want. Oh, look, he has private messages."

"Don' read my meshages."

Kimiko clicked around. "Three are from Wuya… 'stop messaging me'… five are from Chase… 'stop messaging me'… one is from me… and here's one from…" She stared. "Overwielder!"

"That's the bad guy, right? Well, relevant bad guy. What does it say?" Raimundo asked, going closer to read over her shoulder.

"Kimiko," Jack whined, sitting straight up, suddenly wide awake, "those are my nice headphones!"

"I won't break them," she said, sounding as if it was silly for Jack to have a problem with this. "Now wait a minute, this is important." She read the message and she went pale. "Wow, Rai. This guy is messed up."

Jack rubbed his eyes. "What's it say? Is he talking about me?"

"Never mind, Jack," she said.

"It's my message and I should read it!"

"Don't _whine," _she said with a warning look. Jack slumped and pouted like a tantruming toddler. Kimiko turned the laptop around to show Raimundo.

First, Raimundo took note of the skull-shaped cursor. Then he read the message.

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes_ - _1 post  
_By now you have probably realized your helibot was sabotaged. I had deemed you unfit to live- you have no virtues, no pleasant character traits, no skills and no common sense. Your sole talent is with your machines, which don't seem very useful. However, you survived my attempt on your life. Perhaps there is more to you than I realized.

"What do I do, Rai?" She was waiting for orders, something that still seemed weird to Raimundo, her feeling like she needed _his _orders. He swallowed.

"Um, I don't know. What would Jack say to dat?"

"I don't know!" She shrugged. "Probably something dumb."

Jack cleared his throat a little.

"Is that your way of asking for more tea?" Kimiko asked, glancing over at him. ('More' tea?) "Because we're a little busy. Go find Omi."

Jack shook his head, with a fake smile that was probably meant to be ironic but wound up looking extremely unsettling. "Oh, no, Kimiko, that's awfully sweet of you but I was just reminding you that I'm _sitting right next to you!" _He glared.

Kimiko nodded, a blank look on her face. "I know you're there. Why?"

Jack snorted and looked away.

"He's so crabby today," Kimiko complained, turning back to the keyboard.

"What _would _you say to 'I tried to kill you but now I'm wondering if your hide is worth something'?" Raimundo asked, looking at Jack, having gotten the point.

Jack fumed. "Whaddaya mean? I'd say, 'I'm Jack Spicer, evil boy genius, baby! I'm the man! Everyone wants a piece of this!'" He gestured to himself, then coughed harshly into his fist.

Raimundo stared at him. "Dude, that's so not gonna work."

Kimiko was typing furiously. She turned the screen around so Raimundo could see it.

'I realized what you did the moment I tried to fly with that thing! Sloppy, Overwielder, real sloppy. Your little hate fest isn't impressing me either. Is the reason why you're not letting me know who you are because you're embarrassed to be seen with a real villain?'

She shrugged.

"Hmm." Raimundo rubbed his chin. He was getting an idea. He was also tired of standing there like an idiot. "Hey, Spicer, could you move?" he asked.

Jack yawned. "Move where?"

"Off the couch. Get."

"There's room for you to sit between us," Kimiko said.

Raimundo stared at her for a moment. She looked so… content. "Well, I don't want to feel like a third wheel, Kimiko." It came out sounding nastier than he'd intended.

Her little mouth frowned and her slender girly eyebrows drew together and her baby blue eyes looked hurt and confused.

"Spicer, find somewhere else to go," Raimundo muttered, looking at the floor.

Jack stood up, muttering to himself. His long, skinny limbs moved in a disjointed, uncoordinated fashion, like a marionette. He scuttled across the floor and flopped down in an easy chair. "Kimiko, can I take more pills yet?" he whined.

"No. Shush a minute," she snapped, glaring at him. "And don't whine."

He harumphed.

Raimundo sat down next to Kimiko and put his arm around her shoulders. He shot Jack a pointed look, adjusting the fedora's position on his head. Jack hunched his shoulders, glowered, flashed his nasty yellow teeth, and lay down with his back to Raimundo. He was lying sideways in the chair with his head on one armrest and his legs draped over the other.

Kimiko shrugged off Raimundo's arm. "Rai. I'm typing."

Raimundo frowned and folded his arms over his chest. "I need you to annoy this guy into comin' here, Kimiko."

Jack kicked his feet in the air. "That sounds like a great idea!" he squealed with grating false enthusiasm that reminded Raimundo of Good Jack. It was not a pleasant memory. "Kimiko! Golly gee, doesn't making the man who tried to kill me come to my house sound like just the _peachiest_ idea?"

Kimiko tossed her head. "I follow my Shoku Leader and don't do that you'll break the chair."

"It's _my _chair," Jack countered.

"Fine, whatever." She turned her eyes back to the screen. "Raimundo wants him here because we want to know who he _is, _dork face. Besides, it could be a woman. It could be Wuya. Besides, we can take him, whoever he is. You'll be in a different room anyway."

"Not that we have to explain ourselves to dis butthead," Raimundo reminded her.

"Tch, Wuya. Me and Wuya, we're tight." Jack held up his crossed fingers. "We're like this."

Kimiko rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Okay. Sure." She turned her attention back to the screen. "You know, if we want to annoy him _that_ much, Jack should write this himself."

"Yeah," Raimundo said, eyes focused on the back of the other boy's head. "He totally _should."_

Jack blew a raspberry.

"Jack, what's the most annoying thing you can think of?" Kimiko asked.

"Omi!" Jack kicked his feet furiously in the air. "Make him write it!"

"What?" Kimiko wrinkled up her nose. "No-"

"Nehhh! I'm OOOMI! Look at me and my huge head! Neeehhhh! I kick stuff and flip over! NEHHH, I'm awesome, NEHHH!"

"Cut dat out!" Raimundo snapped.

Kimiko slammed her hand down beside her on the couch. "This isn't gonna be from Omi! Now be serious!"

"What about Clay?" Jack said. "BOOOY HOWDY! I'm from TEXAS, y'all!" He was still kicking his feet and now he was bouncing up and down a little. "I'm gonna do some ropin' and horse ridin' and square-dancin' because I'm from frickin' _Tex-as! _Hoo_ DOGGIE!"_

Kimiko scowled. "That is not a Southern accent, you just sound drunk! Cut that out!"

Jack stuck his hand in the air and waved it around. "I'm Raimuuuuundo!" Now he was using a falsetto. "I'm leeeeader! I steeeeal stuff! Like hats!"

"Shut up!" Raimundo snapped. "We'll go over there and beat da crap outta you if you don't watch it!"

Jack sighed and went limp, shoulders slumping. "I couldn't think of any more anyway."

"Now be annoying as yourself," Kimiko demanded.

Jack's voice was a thin whimper. "I'm tired now."

Raimundo pinched the bridge of his nose. Kimiko started typing and then showed it to Raimundo.

'YEAH DUDE, you WISH you could take on Jack Spicer, evil boy genius! I dare you to come here and face me like a man! No, I double-dog dare you, cuz I know you aint got the stuff!'

"Good, just send it," Raimundo said, rubbing his temples.

Kimiko hit 'send'.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Again, I'm having trouble with the site not letting me respond to reviews, so I just want to generally thank everyone who reviewed. Feedback really does keep me going. I know you're supposed to write just for the sake of the story, but… I love feedback. D:

* * *

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_Amusing, Spicer. I am no Xiaolin monk, however, and your toys might prove a nuisance to me. I will remain where I am.

Kimiko read the message five or six times before it sank in. She sputtered. "This person thinks they can _kill _Jack, but they don't think they can _fight _him?"

Raimundo's jaw had fallen nearly to his chin. Jack sat up straight, blinking. "Huh?"

"What kinda moron are we dealin' with here?" Raimundo leaned forward, re-reading the message. "Is this some kinda joke?"

Kimiko looked up at Jack, sitting there in a little heap, with his sling and his pajamas and his lack of makeup. "No joke. Jack, you seriously have _no _idea who this psycho is? None at _all?"_

Jack was puffing himself up and looking at his fingernails. "I don't see what's so weird about someone thinking they can't handle a fight with me."

Kimiko rolled her eyes. _"You_ wouldn't."

Jack snorted. Kimiko wondered if he had any concept of reality whatsoever.

Raimundo got up and paced back and forth. He was shaking his head and baring his teeth. "You gotta be kiddin' me, dude!"

Kimiko shrugged. "Actually, I guess it makes sense. They tried to sabotage Jack's backpack instead of attacking him in person. If you were going to kill him, Rai, wouldn't you just walk up to him and do it?" she asked. "I'd probably just go up and crush his head."

Raimundo was looking at her funny. "I… guess. I mean, at least I'd stick around to make sure he was dead."

"So this must be a weak, sneaky person we're dealing with." Kimiko rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Hmm… if I was trying to kill someone and I was being sneaky, I'd try to poison them. Jack, what's your favorite food?"

Jack blinked at her. He chuckled nervously. "Why?"

"Why do you think?" Raimundo demanded.

Jack hugged his knees to his chest. He looked a little green. "Spinach!"

"Be serious," Kimiko scolded. "We're trying to _help _you!"

Jack looked down at the floor. He was sweating. "I…" He whimpered. "Don't poison me!"

Kimiko stared at him for a minute, while her mind wrapped itself around the stupidity on display here. "We're not going to kill you!" she snapped finally. "For crying out loud, if I wanted you to die I wouldn't have busted _my_ butt dragging _yours _out of a lake, idiot!"

Jack shrunk into the chair, small and deflated and submissive. "Well, what was I supposed to think?" He sniffled.

Raimundo turned to look at him. "Dude, what are you, fifteen?"

Jack looked offended. "I'm-"

"It's a little late to start trying to learn to think," Raimundo told him. Kimiko smirked.

Jack scowled.

"Who on Earth _wouldn't _be willing to fight Jack? Is this just Hannibal Bean playing mind games?" Kimiko said, looking back at the message. "I could see him pulling the sabotage thing just because he thought it was funny."

Raimundo shook his head, folding his arms over his chest. "Nuh-uh. Bean doesn't talk like that." Rai should know, she supposed, after all Bean had put him through. "I don't know who _does._" He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "So, he thinks Jack is too useless to stay alive, but he thinks he's too tough to fight?"

"That his _robots _are too tough to fight, there's a difference," Kimiko said. "But you have a point." She started typing a note back.

'So I'm too useless to let live, but too tough to fight? What gives?'

"Sure, send it," Raimundo said. She sent it. He paced back and forth. "Now what?"

"Wait for him to answer?"

"I guess. I dunno. Do we even still need to be here?"

Kimiko observed Jack out of the corner of her eye. He glanced up at her, shyly, from under his eyelids. He looked depressed and weak, and extremely vulnerable. "Rai, he could be lying. To get us to leave, even. He might have spies on us."

Rai hunched his shoulders. He glanced from Jack to Kimiko, as if he suspected something. Kimiko tensed. "All right… you three can handle this guy if he does show, right?"

"Did you want to go talk to more people?" she asked, unable to keep a small edge out of her voice.

Raimundo shrugged. "Sure, if you can find them for me."

Kimiko looked at the clock. It was 4:35. Jack might know where everyone was, but she was sort of afraid Raimundo would have some snarky comment for her if she asked him for help. She didn't know what on Earth his problem was, but she wasn't going to press the issue in front of a villain. The last thing she needed was 'Xiaolin Infighting!' to be the next title of a forum thread.

Screw it. She was just going to ask. "Jack-" She couldn't keep a guarded note out of her tone. "It's 4:30. Do you have any idea where, say, Katnappe might be?"

Jack was settling back down into nap mode. He didn't look very comfortable with his legs sticking off of the side of the chair like that, though. "Am I my fellow villain's keeper?" he yawned. Then, in an utter contradiction of himself, he went on to say: "She has riding lessons from four to five."

Kimiko's eyebrows rose. "Riding lessons?"

"Her dad wants her to have them." His tone was conversational, almost gossipy. "Thinks it will make her a _lady _or something." He snorted. "Yeah, right, I'm more lady than Ashley will ever be."

Neither Kimiko nor Raimundo offered disagreement. Jack frowned.

"That didn't sound right." He shrugged. "Anyway, Tubbimura is probably at the new buffet down the street, unless he's at the bank stealing my dad's money." He glanced at Raimundo. "Long story. As for Wuya, she should be with Chase, who should be skulking in his lair about this time unless he went for an evil stalk along the cliff side. Hannibal Bean practices his poker game every afternoon if he doesn't have a current scheme in the works, he says it keeps his mind fresh. Panda Bubba went to Berlin for a meeting. His goons are planning a bank heist- they asked me if I wanted in but I don't mess around with the cops. And I don't know about the others." He hunched one shoulder. "Of course, my info is a week out of date, I haven't really been… keeping up with everyone."

Kimiko looked at Raimundo, who shrugged. "That's a start. Okay, I'll get goin', then. Have fun." He went towards the door.

Kimiko shook her head and bent back over the laptop. There were several new threads on the Heylin forum. None of them looked important.

"Gosh, Jack, what's wrong with you guys? You all seem to think the whole world needs to know about your every little problem," she muttered, upon coming across a thread about Vlad's spotty cable.

"Hey, I told you, I don't post stuff there," Jack said. "I made that forum for evil networking, and they just use it for garbage."

Kimiko snorted a little.

She could hear Omi and Clay muttering to each other in the kitchen. They were both avoiding Jack at the moment, so Kimiko could count on being alone with him for a while. Which was stupid. They were, after all, supposed to be on protection detail. All four of them.

Whatever. She didn't mind a few minutes of alone time with Jack's super-slick, lightning-fast laptop. She didn't recognize the model… it ran on Linux, and seemed to have been tricked out with every kind of program a kid could want to mess around in.

Jack hadn't _made _this, had he? She had it on her _lap. _

She could just ask him, he was right across the room from her, but she wasn't sure she wanted to know. She'd know he made it if it started crashing. She went back to her reading- her boring, boring, banal, evil reading.

The couch springs were squeaking next to her, and she caught a glimpse of bright red dyed hair out of the corner of her eye. He'd made every effort to make as little noise as possible. She wondered if he realized she was right here and could _see _him.

Truth be told, she was just fine with Jack being close by. She could keep an eye on him without looking up from the computer- she wouldn't glance across the room to find he'd slunk off somewhere. She wasn't going to out and tell him that, though. He was a clingy type. If he knew sitting next to her was okay, he might... she didn't know what he'd do, really.

She came across one of Le Mime's text-face-only posts and shook her head.

Jack sighed contentedly, tucking his knees in to his chest and skootching in just a little closer than she liked. She put her hand on his uninjured shoulder and pushed him back a few inches. He muttered under his breath and scooted down farther back, curling up in an indignant heap and squeezing his eyes shut. She set the pillow back into place between them and turned her attentions back to the computer.

Jack had asked her not to change his forum picture. She smirked a little to herself and then hopped onto Google, searching for suitably adorable My Little Pony pictures. She found one that was more pink than she would have thought possible, copied the link and went into Jack's profile settings.

His current picture was one of himself, leering at the camera and giving it two thumbs up. She rolled her eyes at it and then swapped it out. For his forum signature she was thinking Care Bears…

He had a new message. She clicked on it, her pulse quickening.

It wasn't Overwielder…

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_Well, now, don't you two look cozy! :3

Kimiko stiffened. She realized she was sitting across from a window. Bean must have eyes on her at that very moment. Ew.

Her first impulse was to kick Jack off the couch, but that would be exactly the wrong thing to do- it would send the message that she knew she was doing something wrong, and she wasn't doing _anything _wrong. She straightened her spine and wrote back.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B  
**_overlord - 1063 posts  
_If you're asking to join us, the answer is no.

She cringed a little at seeing Jack's name on her post. She'd forgotten she was on his account.

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_Oh, now I wouldn't dream of getting between you two crazy kids. I just wish Jack's mother knew about this, she's so worried about her boy not making friends.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B  
**_overlord - 1063 posts  
_What do you want, Bean?

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_I don't want anything. I'm just blessing your union. I hope you'll remember me when it's time to pick a godfather for the kids.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B  
**_overlord - 1063 posts  
_DIE!

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B  
**_overlord - 1063 posts_  
YOU ROTTEN FREAK! I HOPE YOUR TENDRILS FALL OFF AND THEN A COW EATS YOU!

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B  
**_overlord - 1063 posts_  
YOU'RE BALD!

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_I'm not bald.

**Jack_Spicer_Evil_B  
**_overlord - 1063 posts_  
YOU'RE _BALD!_

* * *

And here was Tubbimura, sitting alone at a table in the new buffet with enough food to feed an army in front of him.

Raimundo observed him a few minutes before approaching. Tubbimura was dressed in a sequined jacket and a fedora… unlike Raimundo's new dust-gray hat, this one was purple with a really wide brim and there was a big pink feather in it. Tubbimura had also acquired several gold chains and rings.

"Er, hey," Raimundo said, standing a few feet away.

Tubbimura looked up in surprise. "Greetings, Dragon of the Wind." He inclined his head slightly. "It is my day off…"

"Oh, no, dude, I'm just asking a few questions." Raimundo felt awkward standing, but he had no intention of taking a seat next to Tubbimura. He'd just keep feeling awkward. "See, um, you're mad at Jack, right?"

"Oh, no," Tubbimura replied, tweaking the brim of his hat. "My issues with Spicer have been resolved."

"So you didn't try to kill him then?" Raimundo found his eyes stuck on the purple fedora. Oh, heck, he'd call it what it was- Tubbimura had acquired a pimp hat.

Tubbimura shook his head decisively. "Oh, no. We had a disagreement over some funds the boy was withholding. He has since repaid me in full. In fact, he has been exceedingly generous."

"Huh." Raimundo hadn't known Jack had quite this much dough to spread around. Maybe Kimiko was sucking up to him for a good reason… wait, but Kimiko was loaded too. Bah. "Well, okay then. Do you know who _would _want Jack dead?"

"Hm," Tubbimura said. "Katnappe is currently very displeased with him, and with Kimiko."

Katnappe was sleazy enough and smart enough to have sabotaged the helibot, Raimundo supposed. "All right, I guess I'll-" Suddenly the rest of Tubbimura's words registered in his brain. "Wait, why Kimiko?"

"Her pride was grievously injured by Kimiko during last night's altercation," Tubbimura explained, his tone neutral and polite.

Chase Young's words echoed in Raimundo's head like a gong of doom. _Perhaps you should ask her where she was last night._

Raimundo swallowed. "What, uh… what altercation?"

Tubbimura inclined his head respectfully. "If you do not mind, Dragon of the Wind, it is a long story, and I am in the middle of a meal. Perhaps you could ask Katnappe."

Was- was he being coy? Had Raimundo just walked into some kind of Heylin conspiracy? "Only if you're sure she'll talk back," Raimundo said.

Before answering, Tubbimura took a huge mouthful. He began to speak around it. It was not a pleasant sight. "I cannot be certain as to anything she will do." He shoveled in another bite.

Raimundo had no interest in watching this, and he realized if Katnappe wouldn't talk, Jack would- he'd sell out his own mother if Raimundo put a little pressure on him. "All right, well, enjoy your food and your… hat," he muttered, turning to leave.

* * *

Hannibal Bean had stopped replying. Kimiko thunked the back of her heel against the front of the couch, scowling.

Bean was just trying to get to her, of course, they were all just trying to get to her, and if she let it get to her, they would do it more. They would win. They-

Jack whimpered in his sleep, startling her. He was too close, wasn't he? He was much too close. He'd whimpered right into her ear.

He was on the far end of the couch from her. He wasn't _that _close. He wasn't close enough to get all fired up about. What if it had been Omi who let him share the couch? No one would have complained about that, because Omi was a boy. She felt her face get hot. The fact that _anyone _could think, for even an _instant, _that she could have any kind of interest in- in- that scrawny, leering, brainless, evil, creepy, stupid- stupid _mush _of a Spicer-

They didn't think that, they didn't _really _think that, they were razzing her precisely _because _they knew he repulsed her. And he did repulse her. In fact- in fact- he did repulse her, didn't he?

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, staring at the laptop keyboard. She didn't _like _him, she certainly didn't trust him, she didn't seek out his company by any means, but she didn't have any problem letting him share the couch, did she?

The thought of being too friendly with Jack repulsed her, but the fact of his mere existence did not. It was okay that he was alive. She didn't want him dead, and she didn't mind being in the same room with him. On the same piece of furniture, even.

Her face felt hot and she bit her lip and wrung her hands. Well, _Omi _had no problem hugging all over Jack. She hadn't gone _that _far. She wasn't about to touch him- but she had touched him, a few hours ago. She'd washed her hands afterwards, of course, but she'd… well, she'd just been checking on him, she… she hadn't started clinging to his legs or anything- oh, Raimundo was right! She was acting like an idiot. A total idiot. She couldn't let Jack think she didn't hate him! He was evil! And she was going to kick him off the couch right this instant!

He looked miserable and ill. She… she would be the one to move. Not because she didn't want to disturb Jack friggin' Spicer, but because she didn't want to provoke him into whining at her.

She went across the room and sat down on the easy chair. She owed Raimundo an apology.

* * *

Sure enough, Katnappe had been taking a riding lesson. Raimundo walked in on her in some kind of locker room, finding her with mud on her face, ripping off a riding helmet and throwing it down on the ground. Her face was flushed, her choppy blond hair was a rat's nest, and her dark eyes sparked anger. Raimundo had never seen her out of costume before. She looked disappointingly normal.

"Stupid horse!" she was seething, slamming the door behind her. "Stupid Dad! Stupid-"

She was reaching to start taking off her shirt. Raimundo cleared his throat quickly. She rounded on him.

"What are you doing here, Dragon of the _Pervert?" _she snapped, slipping into a fighting stance. "It's my day off!"

Raimundo meant to ask about the murder thing, really he did, but what came out was "You saw Kimiko last night?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Why? Don't you know where she was?"

"I'm just- checkin' to see if you know, kitty litter," Raimundo said, hunching his shoulders and not making eye contact.

Katnappe grinned. Her composure had totally returned. Raimundo could easily imagine a lazily twitching tail behind her."Why don't you ask _Jack?"_

So she had been with him. "Why?"

Katnappe studied her nails, smirking. "I think he'd remember something like last night."

Raimundo was not going to jump to conclusions. He knew Kimiko, and he knew she hated Jack. He knew she wasn't going to go sneaking around with him.

Then again, he wouldn't have expected her to risk her neck to save Jack's, either.

Then again, if Tubbimura had been there, nothing untoward had happened. "I'll ask him."

Katnappe swayed her hips, purring. "Is that all you wanted?"

"No." Down to the actual business at hand. "Someone tried to kill Jack. Was it you?"

"Why would I bother?" She raised an eyebrow. "Why do you care?"

Raimundo prepared his 'gotta set limits on the bad guys' speech. "I don't want-"

"_You_ don't care, _Kimiko_ cares, right? You're asking for _her. _She has more of a way with boys than I thought." Katnappe snorted. "She's not_ that_ pretty."

Raimundo's shoulders got tense. "Well, she doesn't dress up like a freakin cat. That's a big plus for me."

"Whatever." She shrugged. "Are you done now? I have plans."

Raimund leaned against a locker. "What happened with Tubbimura?"

"What do you mean?" She made an attempt to look innocent.

Raimundo raised an eyebrow. "He said there was an 'altercation'?"

Katnappe averted her eyes, licking the back of her hand- oh, dude, _ew. _

There was a knock on the door. "Ashley? Hurry up, hon'. We have a party tonight."

Katnappe shot Raimundo a look he couldn't quite read, and then she ran to the door, screwing her face up. "Daddy!" she sobbed. "There's a _boy _in here!"

Raimundo went for the open window.

* * *

"Hello!" Omi sang.

Kimiko looked up to see him flopping down on the couch with a squeak of springs. Jack started awake, looking around with dull eyes. He saw Omi and groaned, pulling away.

"Hello, Jack Spicah. Hello, Kimiko," Omi chirped with a wave to both of them. He'd taken off Jack's coat and apparently dumped it somewhere.

"What's Clay doing?" Kimiko asked.

"He is carving wood figures in the kitchen and looking most uncomfortable to be here. Are we staying overnight, Kimiko?" Omi asked.

Kimiko dropped her eyes to the keyboard. "That's up to Rai."

"That hick better not be getting wood shavings and crap all over my nice kitchen floor. I just had the bots clean it," Jack was saying, rubbing his eyes and scowling.

"He's not a hick!" Kimiko said, glaring at him. "Stop making fun of Clay! He's strong and brave and good, and he's a better person than you can even understand, you slime!"

Jack stared at her, pressing himself into the cushions. He held his hands up. "Okay! Okay!"

"You cowardly little whining mama's boy," Kimiko muttered, looking back at the keyboard.

"I think it would be fun to stay here! It would be like a sleepover!" Omi was saying.

"With _Jack? _Ew! What's wrong with you?" Kimiko said.

"But I sleep with _you _every night," Omi said. "It is no longer special."

Jack was snickering at that. She glared at him and he went silent, avoiding her gaze.

"You'll have to talk to Raimundo about that." Kimiko was now frosty and poised, like an ice princess. Nothing could touch her. Nope. Nothing. "Me, I want to get out of here before I puke." She held her head up high, not looking at Jack.

"Oh. Okay." Omi swung his legs off the side of the couch. "I am hungry. Should we order another pizza?"

Kimiko shrugged, staring at the screen. She started up a game of Tetris.

"Are you playing Tetris?" Jack said when the music started to play. "I love Tetris."

She exited the game. _"No."_

"Oh." He looked at the floor, biting his lip.

She opened up icanhascheezburger and browsed through. Omi made a disgruntled noise and turned on the TV set. "What is 'Jurassic Park'?" he said after a moment of channel flipping.

Jack scoffed. "You don't know what Jurassic Park is?"

"He grew up in a temple surrounded by old people," Kimiko said. "No TV night."

"That's no excuse." Jack gestured at the TV, as if he thought he could order Omi around. "Put it on."

"You don't have to do what he says, Omi," Kimiko said.

"But I am most curious," Omi said, changing the channel. "Hey! Where did they get dinosaurs?" he asked, staring. "The Sands of Time, or the-"

Jack started laughing, cutting him off. The laugh turned into a cough and he doubled up hacking for a moment. When he'd recovered he wiped his eyes and said: "They're bots."

"No," Omi dismissed. "That would be dumb."

"They're bots! They're special-effects bots. You know, like the ones I had play your family that one time?" He smirked.

"That was the most horrible thing you could have done to another person," Kimiko said, not looking up.

Jack said nothing.

"The dinosaurs are evil robots? Where are they now? Should we do something?" Omi asked. He frowned. "Is there an evil reason you wanted me to watch this movie?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "No, Omi, the filmmakers just turned them off when they were done, they probably got broken down for parts." He wriggled around, trying to find a more comfortable position. "You don't know anything about bots, do you?" he mused.

"I know they break when I hit them!"

Kimiko laughed pointedly at that. Jack cleared his throat. "You know, I can move if you wanted the couch back," he said.

"I'm good."

"Oh…" He looked at the floor. "Okay, then. I thought maybe you were mad at me."

"No, I just don't like you. I never have."

"Oh. Huh." He shrugged a little. "Well, that makes sense," he mumbled.

She would not look at him.

The door opened. "Yo, I'm back," Raimundo called.

"Hi! We're in the living room," Kimiko replied, sitting up straight. "Come on in!"

Raimundo walked in. "I didn't learn much," he said. "Tubbi and the psycho kitty queen aren't suspects anymore, though." He looked Jack up and down. Jack pulled away from his gaze, crunching into a ball. He could fold up to like half his original height. "Did you get any more messages?"

Kimiko made a quick check to be sure. "No." She wasn't going to tell him about Hannibal Bean.

"Well, now what?" Raimundo slumped against the arm of the couch, on Omi's side. Just as she'd suspected, he didn't seem to notice anything at all out of the ordinary when _Omi _sat next to Jack. Sexist pig.

"May we get another pizza?" Omi's eyes sparkled.

"Sure, whatever, go talk to Clay about it," Raimundo said.

Omi hopped off the couch and scampered into the kitchen. Jack promptly expanded to take up the whole couch, using the armrest Raimundo was leaning on as a pillow.

Raimundo walked away from the couch as if it was contagious. (Jack might actually be contagious, she admitted- he'd had a fever of 102 degrees earlier.) "Are we supposed to spend the night here?"

"I don't know." Kimiko shrugged. She had no opinion either way, she had no opinion either way, she didn't care. "Should we?"

"That guy did seem pretty crazy. Sure, why not, we'll stay over."

Oh. Wonderful. She was going to be here _all night. _Just terrific. And not awkward at all.

Jack looked from Raimundo to Kimiko, sighed, and closed his eyes with a resigned slump of his shoulders. He was trembling.

Kimiko took her eyes off him and back to the computer screen. She had a small, sinking feeling that Jack probably shouldn't be left alone overnight. Where were his _parents? _Did they know their son was sick and not feeding himself? On that note, when should he be fed again? Oh, man, why had this problem landed on Kimiko?

"So what do we do with Jack? With him out here there isn't room for all of us on the furniture," she said.

"Doesn't he have a bedroom? We'll put him in there and take turns watching him. _I'll _go first."

Kimiko looked up sharply. "Really?" Finally! "Thank you! Gosh, everyone's been leaving me alone with him all day. I'm probably going to catch his cold because of you."

"Uh huh," Raimundo said. He turned to Jack. "Get up."

* * *

Jack sat down on the bed and immediately resumed his former crunched-up position. His eyes were big and dark and pained. He wouldn't look directly at Raimundo.

Raimundo got a chair and dragged it over by the side of the bed. He sat down in it, staring at Jack.

"So, I questioned a few bad guys today," he said. "Chase, Tubbi, Katnappe."

"Mmmhmm," Jack whimpered.

"But not you."

Jack cringed as if he expected a blow. "Oh, no, you already checked me off the list earlier, remember?"

"Oh, I barely talk to you at all. I think we should talk more." Raimundo cracked his knuckles. "What happened last night?"

"Last night?" He frowned. "I can barely remember what happened this morning." He turned away.

"Was Kimiko here last night?"

"What?" He snorted.

"Katnappe said she was."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Oh, _Ashley _said it! Then it must be true!"

"Why would she say it if it wasn't true?"

"Probably because she knew you'd pester me. Ashley _was_ here last night with Tubbi. They wanted some money, I gave them some money and now she's mad because she didn't get to beat me up." He folded his good arm behind his head, looking at the ceiling.

"Uh huh," Raimundo said. "Look me in the eye and tell me Kimiko wasn't here."

Jack looked him in the eye. "She wasn't here." He looked back at the ceiling.

Raimundo frowned. Jack couldn't possibly be this good of a liar, could he? But… why would Tubbimura lie?

"And if I ask Kimiko, will she say anything different?"

"Nope."

"Because… because it's true, or because she didn't want me to know?"

"She wasn't here." Jack scowled." Are we done?"

"Sure, we're done." He got up. "Oh, wait- crap. I'm s'posed to be guarding you."

"If you leave I won't tell." Jack rolled onto his side, facing away from Raimundo.

Raimudo hesitated. "I'm gonna go check on the pizza, I'll be right back."

"Will you get me a glass of water?" Jack asked.

"No."

* * *

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_So you're the guy that's got the Xiaolin monks up in arms.

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_What do you mean?

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_They're on to you. Askin' around about who's got grudges against Spicer.

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_What? I would have thought they'd be grateful to me.

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_Good guys are tricky that way. You never can tell when they'll go chargin' in on some kind of wacky principle. Why did you want the boy gone, anyway?

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_He's worthless.

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_So're government workers, but you don't see me killing them all off.

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_I am apparently more proactive than you.

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_Apparently. Anything about Jack in particular got you riled up?

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_No, I have plans to clear out a few more of your team members as well.

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_You don't say!

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_I'm not telling you which ones, of course. I started with Spicer because he's so… visible. An irrational part of me felt he was rubbing his flaws in my face.

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_There some reason you're doing this? And 'useless' isn't much of a reason.

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_I've been watching your battles. Some of you are simply dead weight, and it's caused you to stagnate. There is no dead weight on the Xiaolin side from what I can tell.

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_Well, I am impressed! Truly a tactical mastermind, you are. Mind telling me why you think this is any of your business?

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_Because you're an embarrassment to everything evil.

**Hannibal_Roy_Bean  
**_heistmaster – 637 posts  
_You don't say. Well, this has been a really enlightening chat, but I have to go meet with some friends. I'll catch you later.

**Overwielder  
**_goody two shoes - 1 post  
_Whatever.


	10. Chapter 10

"Chase!"

Chase opened one eye to see Wuya storming towards him. She was wearing short shorts and a halter top. Human clothes. Ugh. Just… why?

She also looked angry, as if _he _was the one that had done something wrong. "Do you think this is funny? Cyanide? _Really?"_

"What are you talking about?" he grunted. "If you're going to disappear for a week you deserve whatever you get."

She put her hands on her hips. "I was shopping. Witches shop. I didn't think you'd be interested. I don't think I deserve the inconvenience of having poison slipped into my food." Her eyes narrowed.

Honestly. First Raimundo thought he'd been unable to kill Spicer, and now Wuya thought he was childish enough to play this kind of game with her. "I didn't put poison in your food. I have better ways of punishing you." He closed both eyes. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I was meditating."

She scoffed, turned on her heel and stalked away. Women. He wondered who had poisoned her. Poison was a weapon of the weak. It was probably Spicer making a misguided revenge attempt. Maybe he thought she was the one who'd tried to kill him, or maybe she'd just annoyed him to the breaking point.

It wasn't pressing. He settled in for a few hours of meditation.

* * *

Kimiko was woken by a loud noise.

She stared into the darkness, her body tense. Clay and Omi snored around her. It had been a thumping noise, someone moving… someone in the kitchen.

She got up and slipped noiselessly into the kitchen, every fiber of her being on high alert. What she saw was… Jack closing the refrigerator door, a carton of orange juice in one hand.

"What are you doing?" she hissed. He jumped. "You scared me to death!"

"I'm thirsty," he said, scowling. He twisted the cap off the orange juice.

"Be quiet," she whispered, taking a few steps closer. "You'll wake up Clay and Omi." Or not. They were pretty sound sleepers, they hadn't been at all disturbed by the banging fridge door. "Now go back to bed."

"I was asleep all day, I'm not tired now." He looked pouty and groggy and pink in the face and his hair was a total rat's nest.

"Well, go back to bed anyw-" The words stopped in her throat as she saw Jack tilt the orange juice carton back and take a swig directly from the carton. "You… you drink right from the container?"

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Evil," he mumbled. "B'sides, my parents don't drink orange juice." He swung the carton back and forth. "My mom drinks mineral water and I've only seen my dad drink booze." He frowned. "Never seen him drunk, though." The ghost of a smile appeared on his face. "I think he might be a robot."

Jack's parents might not be interested in juice, but Kimiko had seen Clay with a big glass of it earlier. She herself had helped herself to a little root beer. "Do you…" She swallowed. "Do you _always _drink out of the container?"

"Mostly." He took another gulp and headed for the door to the basement. She hurried to stand in front of him.

"Oh no no. Where do you think you're going?"

"I 'ave work t'do, Kimiko," he said, slurring a little. He pointed at the basement door. "Let me through."

"No. Go back to bed."

"I'm tired of being in bed," he whined. "And Raimundo snores."

She blinked. "Rai fell asleep?" She realized it was much later than when they'd gone to bed… too much later. Clay should have been taking his shift by now.

"Yep. Guess you're it." He winked at her. She recoiled and he took that chance to shove by her, open the door and head down the stairs. She followed.

"I'm serious," she hissed at him.

"So am I," he said, going to the worktable. "We have a lot in common, don't we? Let's be serious together."

"You're nuts," she told him.

"No, no," he said, pointing to the mess of parts spread out on the table. "These are nuts. And bolts."

She groaned. "I meant you're crazy."

He chugged down more juice. "Ah, that's better. Raimundo wouldn't get me a drink." He set down the container on the table and studied the parts he had out. "Enh. No, no, _no," _he said, picking up a few of them and just tossing them over his shoulder. The place wasn't a mess, though, so he must have a robot to clean it or something.

"Look," she said, a wheedling note in her voice she heard and hated, "just go back up the stairs right now, and I'll-"

"Raimundo asked me about last night." He said it so casually that it took a moment for his words to register in her brain.

She froze. "Huh?"

"He wanted to know if you came over." He moved down the table, starting in on a car muffler that was sitting there. "I said no."

"_You- _wait, you did? Why?"

"You told me to, Kimiko." He seemed so calm. At least, until he snapped "No!" and pushed the muffler off the table. "What is wrong with people? This is all _garbage!"_

Kimiko backed off a few steps.

"Jackbots!" Jack snapped, and a robot darted over to him. "Clean up this mess and get me a real muffler! There should be some in the storage room. I need one for a VW." The robot flitted off. Jack turned around and leaned against the table, huffing.

"Please go upstairs," she said, without much hope at this point.

He shook his head. "Kimiko, I have a job to do. You can sit over there if you want," he said, gesturing over at the couch in the corner.

She knew he slept on that couch. "I'd rather not."

"Suit yourself. I've lost days of production, here." He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "How can I put this so that you'll understand?" He put his hands on his hips. "Imagine being chained to a wall for days, totally unable to waste all your energy flipping and kicking."

She started to imagine it and then shook herself. No, she was not going to pander to this silliness. "It's not a waste of energy," she countered. "We have to stay in top physical condition." And yes, if she was out of commission for a week she would be going a little crazy. Not that it would be at all the same thing.

He turned back to the work table. "For me? I'm touched."

"For Chase," she corrected.

"And me."

"And Hannibal Bean."

"And me."

"And Wuya."

"Admit it, when you kick that punching bag, you see me on it."

Actually, most of the time… "You_ are_ fun to hurt." In small doses, at least.

He nodded, seeming satisfied. "Anyway, I have to keep up my stocks."

She leaned back, putting her hands on her hips. "You know, you've been sending those same robots at us for a whole year and a half now," she said. "It's never worked, why do you keep doing it?"

He huffed, not looking at her. "How can I take time out to design, prototype, and produce something totally new when you guys keep busting-" He shook his head. "Never mind. Look, I can't chat. I have to work."

There was a folding chair next to the couch, leaning on the wall. She found herself going over to pick it up. She brought it near to the worktable and sat on it. "What are you making now?" she asked.

He stuck a finger in his nose. Ew. Ew. EW. "Nothing."

She shuddered. "You're talking to a lady, Jack. Have some manners."

He snickered. "You're a lady now?" He wiped his hand on his pants. Yuck, yuck!

"Of course I am! And if you pick your nose in front of girls like that you'll never get married."

"I don't wanna get married."

"Good. No one would take you. Anyway, you're making _something." _She folded her arms over her chest. "And I don't know if I should let you."

He shrugged. "It's just a car."

"Just a car?" She'd inferred from his little outburst that he was making more Jackbots.

"Just a car."

"Hm." Well, there was no reason why he couldn't have a car, she supposed. "Does it turn into anything?"

He shook his head. "Nope, just a car. A pretty slick car, but it's just a car, it's not going to mow you over in your sleep or anything." He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Idea for later, maybe."

"Okay." She was satisfied. "Why did you lie to Raimundo?"

He turned away, sorting through parts. "I didn't want him on my butt."

"Really?"

"Really."

She narrowed her eyes. "Why aren't you looking at me when you say that?"

"Because I'm busy, remember?"

"Hm. You don't have an evil plan that involves a doomed attempt to get on my good side?"

"No! Nope! No plan here!" He looked shifty.

"Really?" She folded her arms over her chest. "Because if you do, it'll never work."

Jack rubbed the back of his neck, then looked over to the left with a slump of relief. The robot was back. It stood near Jack, utterly silent. He stared at it. "Whaddaya mean I don't have it?" he said, as if responding to something. Kimiko raised an eyebrow.

There was no response from the robot, at least, none she could see or hear. Jack ran his fingers through his hair. "Darn it! It's going to take me weeks to get one!" He slammed his fist down on the table.

"In a hurry, Jack?" she asked, looking at her fingernails. The emerald green nail polish on her pinkie was a little chipped.

"No, no, not really," he said, leaning on the table and scowling. He picked up a wrench and tapped it aimlessly on the table. He set it down and went to get a small trash can. He set it on the table and started dropping parts into it.

"Bought some bad parts?" she asked.

"Uh… yeah. Look, I don't have time to chat."

She shrugged. "That's fine. I don't like talking to you."

"Me neither."

He continued to sort through parts. Kimiko swung her legs back and forth. "So what _is_ your evil plan to win me over?"

"I don't have one!" The tool he was using slipped out of his hand. "Ow! Ow, ow! This is hard to do with one hand…" He stuck the end of his middle finger in his mouth, looking forlorn.

"I'm going to stare at you until you tell me your plan," she said, fixing her eyes on the back of his head.

"Okay, you do that, I don't care." He went to work. About ten seconds later he whipped around. "I owe you!" he snapped.

Whatever she'd expected, it wasn't that. "Huh?"

He looked upset and genuine. "You saved my- it's not that I care about debts, all right? I'm evil and all and that means I don't care about anyone and I don't have to repay anyone!" He picked up a hammer and started whacking something. "For anything! Back off, sister!"

She furrowed her eyebrows, trying to make sense of this, and came up with: "You lied for me just… for me?"

"It helped me too. I'd be having this talk with _Raimundo _otherwise."

Her heat sank. If Jack was actually making an attempt, however small, to be nice to her… she must have gone much, much too far. It was one thing for Raimundo to give her funny looks, he was Shoku Leader and a tad overprotective. Jack was so thick in the head that if he'd noticed her acting different, she must have practically had a neon sign on her head saying 'I feel sorry for you and I'm going to be gentle'.

"Jack, we're on different sides." Her tone was soft. She bit her lip. Oops.

"Oh, I know." He sounded happier now, on familiar ground. He was so weird. "We've always been on different sides. Hey, you know, when we first met, I had a bet with Wuya that you'd be the one to go evil." He laughed and wrung his hands. "I miss that cow lamp."

"Yes, and we're always going to _be _on- wait, cow lamp? Wait, _what!"_ She glared at him. "Why would I turn evil?"

"Uh, no reason." He looked away. "One of them usually turns evil, is all."

She shook her head. "See, this is why I can't be nice to you! I mean, at _all._ I can't even really be _civil_ to you. And even if I could, I don't trust you. Also, you're annoying!"

He slowly put the hammer down. "We don't have to be on different sides, you know."

Omi would have been all over that with offers of friendship and claims that he knew Jack was really good at heart all along. Kimiko was smarter. "I'm_ not_ turning evil. It doesn't matter how much you suck up to me." She snorted. "I've already seen Wuya and Katnappe. It's a little too late."

He chuckled thinly. "Well, if you ever change your mind, I'm here! We could really use you… evil has more fun, you know. We have killer robots, and- and cars…"

"And double-crossing, and getting your butts kicked. If_ you_ ever want to be good…" Ooh boy, Raimundo and Clay would have a fit if they knew she'd said that. "Omi would love you forever, you know."

He shook his head. "No thanks, you guys work way too hard. And I'm not so sure I'm comfortable with Omi loving me forever."

"Okay." She hadn't really expected anything else. She almost said 'I wouldn't be comfortable with Omi loving me forever either', but it seemed too familiar, too confidential, just too nice. And she didn't like feeling like they had anything in common- and she especially wasn't going to admit Jack had a valid point about anything. She could still see Raimundo's cool glances at her when he saw them together on the couch.

Kimiko said nothing and Jack said nothing and for a long time they both said nothing until it started to feel weird. She started looking around for something to say to him. No, actually, she shouldn't say anything, he'd get the wrong idea. He seemed to get the wrong idea a lot.

She watched him work for a while. It felt a little weird to see him actually doing something productive. She knew he made his own robots and stuff, she supposed, but she'd never really realized that translated into him actually doing real work, with his hands.

He picked his head up and turned it, an anxious look in his eyes, like he'd heard something. Kimiko tensed. She hadn't heard anything, though. Granted, Jack had bigger ears than she did.

He dipped his head back over the work table, apparently dismissing whatever had startled him. She relaxed.

She relaxed until he pointed at something in the back of the lab and hollered: "Jackbots! Devastatize!"

The robot that had been doubling as errand boy, as well as a few by the wall that she hadn't seen, roared to life and flew- towards- Kimiko.

She leapt off the chair, picking it up to use as a weapon. "Jack, you suck!" she cried. He must have been trying to get her guard down this whole time just so he could-

"No no no!" he was crying, trying to pull off the robots- it didn't seem to be going well with only one arm. "Not her, there's something in the back!"

Okay, so he was just a screw-up. That, she was used to.

The robots were trying to pin her down. She used the chair to swipe off the heads of two of them and they crashed to the ground. Jack squealed. "My last bots!" He slumped to his knees beside the ruined machines, caressing them and whimpering. Weirdo.

She beat off the remaining bots, sending them into a smoking heap, and dropped the chair on the ground. Jack stood up, leaning over her with a snarl. "Why did you do that?"

Her hands balled into fists. "Why do you think? They _attacked me!"_

"They weren't supposed to! It was an accident!" He leaned down and picked up a detached robot arm, cradling it as though it was a wounded kitten. "You always bust them up when they haven't even done anything to you!" He sounded worked up, near hysterics.

She slapped herself in the forehead. "You sicced them on me!"

"I was siccing them on something in the back!" He sniffled, dropping his eyes to the floor. "I forgot I programmed them to automatically target you guys when I tell them to attack."

"Ugh." She walked away, scanning the room for suspicious activity. Not a thing was moving in the whole lab. "Jack, there's nothing in here."

He said nothing.

"I said there's nothing in-"

Something hit her in the back, tackling her to the ground- it felt like a person, larger than her, not quite adult-sized, bony and lean. Katnappe? She kicked it hard, on a reflex. It drew away with a long whining noise of pain.

It was Jack.

She stood up, her heart beating faster. Her cheek was sore from where she'd hit the floor. He'd just jumped on her without any warning. "What-" Before she could finish the question her attention was arrested by something dropping to the floor on the spot where she'd been just a minute ago. It was slick and a vibrant green and about the size of a large dog. It turned with sinuous reptilian grace, hissing at the two of them. It must have been on the ceiling, that was why she hadn't seen it. Jack had probably been trying to latch on to her for protection, and, er, misjudged his speed and force when doing it, knocking her over? Well, whatever he thought he was doing it was obviously less important than fighting this lizard creature. Its teeth were bared and it looked ready to attack. She wished the other monks weren't upstairs… this thing wasn't very big, though, maybe she could take it out by herself.

Kimiko moved into a fighting stance, getting between the creature and Jack. And then a hand clamped down on her arm and pulled her off balance and off her feet and down to the floor and across the concrete. She screamed.

Her head hit something and then she was in darkness. She realized she was under a table. Jack was panting in her ear.

"You-"

He clamped a hand over her mouth. _"Shhshh!" _he spat right in her ear.

She had not realized he was strong enough to bodily move her… and in a weakened state, with the use of only one arm. She bit him on the hand, hard. He screamed and let go of her.

She crawled out from under the table, and looked into glittering red eyes. The creature was right there. Jack was grabbing her ankle, trying to pull her back. Had he lost his mind? She kicked his hand away and got to her feet. She aimed a punch at the attacker but it moved too quickly.

Dark clouds of _something _were billowing through the room, pouring from the creature's mouth. Kimiko held her breath. She had the Star Hinabi in her pocket, but she hesitated to use a fire attack- if this mystery substance caught fire all around her, it could hurt her badly. She was, unfortunately, not fireproof. Not yet, anyway.

She did a flip instead, but the thing she was fighting was preternaturally fast. It dodged, and she hit the concrete instead, making a big crack in it. The wind was knocked out of her. She had to take a breath. When she did, she breathed in the mystery stuff. Her throat burned and her knees went weak.

She heard Jack coughing behind her. He choked out her name- he sounded frightened. She did not have time to let him distract her. She did not respond.

She struggled to her feet. The creature nipped at the back of her leg. She could tell the bite did no real damage- it was trying to herd her, maybe? She didn't move, and the creature did not bite her again. She wondered if it was just being spiteful.

She would try fire. She turned around, pulling out the Star Hinabi. She choked out its name- it was suddenly hard to talk- and a blast hit the lizard beast square on the head.

Nothing happened.

Kimiko's head spun. She slumped to the cold floor next to the table Jack was hiding under, her vision going gray. She tried to get up and couldn't do it. She could feel Jack batting at the edge of her hand. Before she could tell him to cut it out, either he passed out and stopped reaching for her or she passed out and stopped feeling it.


	11. Chapter 11

Kimiko came back to consciousness slowly, through a fog. Her head was aching and she felt queasy. Her leg hurt. Everything around her was dark, she was on a cold, hard surface, and she felt like she was moving. She heard a car or truck engine. Judging from the empty space around her, it must be a truck.

She was not bound. She heard Jack whimpering from somewhere in the darkness.

"Jack?" she called.

He continued whimpering as if he hadn't heard. She wondered if he was hurt. "Are you okay?" she asked, and no answer.

She held her hand cupped in front of her. "Fire," she said, and a small, warm, bright ball of it came to her like an obedient kitten, hovering in her hand and casting its glow over the space she was in, which did appear to be the back of a moving truck.

Jack was sitting against the wall scrunched up and hugging his knees. He had no fresh injuries except for a weird mark on his hand. It almost looked like… oh. Like someone had bitten him.

Er, an unavoidable casualty. What was more worrisome was the lizard creature that had attacked them in the basement. It was curled up against the other wall, its tongue flickering in and out, its eyes lidded like a cat's.

It showed no sign of attacking now. In fact, it yawned and tucked its head under its foreleg.

Kimiko scooted closer to Jack. He was gasping in relief. He'd been crying. "What is wrong with you?" she hissed.

"Nothing." He wiped his eyes. "I'm fine!"

"No you're not."

"Sure I am." He was shaking. "How long has that lizard been there?"

"Probably the whole time."

He recoiled. "Aah!" He hid his face in his arms.

"Shh! I don't think it wants to attack us." She studied the lizard. It was going to sleep. "Its job was probably just to get us in the truck."

Jack was all tense. "Well, I want to get_ out of the truck!"_

She glanced sideways at him. "It has to be going about sixty miles an hour. I think you should stay in for now."

Jack muttered something under his breath. Kimiko's arm was getting tired so she let her little fireball evaporate.

Jack squealed. "Fire!" she said, and the puff of flame returned. She now remembered that Jack was afraid of the dark. "How can you be afraid of the dark?" she demanded. "Your basement is way creepier than this truck."

"That's different! I can _see _in the basement! And it's not a basement, it's my lair," Jack babbled, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "And I'm not afraid of the dark, okay?"

"You so _are."_

"_I'm not afraid of the dark!" _he snapped. "I'm afraid of what's _in _the dark!"

She raised an eyebrow at him. He swallowed and hugged his knees. "I'm not afraid of the dark," he mumbled, quietly, as if not expecting her to listen.

"You _know_ what's in here now, I can-"

"Oh, yeah, and what if that thing wakes up?" he demanded. "Or are you gonna fight it some more? Because that worked great the last time!"

"I'd like to see _you_ try to fight it at all! Anyway, you'll probably wake it up with your screaming if I put the light out." She sighed and leaned against the wall of the truck. It sent vibrations through her body.

Jack cried out.

"What _now?" _she snapped.

"What happened to your leg?"

He pointed to her calf, which was all bloody. "Ew," she said, looking at the wound. It was fairly shallow and already dried over; it looked worse than it was. "The lizard bit me. It's not really that bad." She hoped it wasn't going to get infected or anything though.

"Oh." He looked away.

"You're not scared of blood, are you?"

He shrugged. "Nah."

"Are you _sure?" _she said. "Oozy, drippy, bright red gushy _blood?" _And then she realized they were trapped together in an enclosed space and she should not try to make him barf.

"Nah. I bleed a lot." His tone was dismissive.

"Oh."She watched the fireball in her hand for a minute. "Okay. Well."

She suddenly could not think of anything to say. It was awkward, being trapped with one of your worst enemies.

"Are we being kidnapped?" Jack asked.

"Well, we're in the back of a moving truck, Jack. What do you think?"

"Well, why are we being kidnapped?" He sounded annoyed. Psh, and Omi thought _Kimiko _had mood swings.

"I don't _know, _Jack. I don't know why someone wants you dead, either," she said.

He squealed. "They're kidnapping me to kill me!"

The thought had crossed Kimiko's mind. "You don't know that. Shh."

"Don't shush me! This is serious!" He ran his fingers through his hair. His appearance had gone past 'disheveled and sickly' and was heading into 'homeless'. There was a big smear of motor oil on one cheek. She guessed he'd been dragged through a puddle of it on the way to the truck. There was also some ginger fuzz on his upper lip. She hadn't realized he needed to shave.

"There's nothing I can do about this right now," she said. "Maybe instead of attacking me with robots and dragging me under a table, you should have let me handle this, and we wouldn't be here right now."

He snorted. "Yeah, right! You went out there to fight that thing and it had you down in ten seconds. If you hadn't busted my robots, they woulda taken care of it!"

She put her hands on her hips. "As _if! _How many times do you have to watch your bots get trashed before you realize they don't _work?"_

"They work just fine, and anyway, if you'd just hid with me, it would have trashed the place and gone away! But _noo, _you thought you could be the flashy good guy with your flashy little leg kicks and now we're in a stupid truck in the middle of nowhere." He slumped against the wall, sticking his lower lip out. "Great job, Kimiko, you're obviously _way _better at this than I am. Go you!"

She ground her teeth together, her hands balling into fists. "I wouldn't even _be _here if I hadn't taken pity on you and saved your cowardly little butt! Don't you _dare _blame me for getting kidnapped!"

"Oh, sure, I'm the bad guy." He turned his back to her.

She fought the urge to rip her own hair out. "You _are _the bad guy! You've _always _been the bad guy!"

"Oh." He seemed suddenly deflated. "I sure am, you got that right."

"You're acting like you're four! You should be thanking me!"

"I don't thank anybody!"

"And that's why no one likes you." She scowled and turned away.

"Hey, I tried to help you and you bit me."

"When did you try to help me? You call dragging me under a table helping?"

"Hey, don't knock hiding, hiding works!" he claimed. "I'm not the one with a lizard bite." He gazed down at his hand. "Just an undeserved Kimiko bite."

She scowled.

The lizard was moving. Kimiko instinctively pulled away. Jack did too. They pulled away towards each other and now they were a little too close. Kimiko flinched.

The lizard glided across the floor towards a small window in one of the walls. It climbed partway up the wall.

"The children," it said in a smooth voice. Kimiko jumped.

"Yes, there are children," a loud, irritated squawk replied from inside.

"Who's that?" Jack whispered to her.

"How should I know? He's probably the driver."

"They bicker," the lizard said.

"And?" the voice demanded in a dramatic tone. "Eat them if they bother you!"

Jack flinched. Kimiko could hear his slightly harsh breathing.

"I have orders," the lizard said. Everything it said was in a slow, sighing, measured voice that made Kimiko shudder. Also, she wasn't entirely sure, but she thought the voice was female.

"What should _I _do about it? I'm driving!"

"Use your voice."

"You have your own voice."

The lizard's tongue darted in and out. "I do not speak to children."

"Fine!" A pair of sunglasses appeared in the window. "You! Children! Shut up!"

"You shut up!" Jack snapped. Kimiko jumped again.

"No, _you!"_

"Where are you taking us?" Kimiko called.

The driver turned away. "I don't know, there's a GPS screen- HEY! I SAID SHUT UP!"

"Shouldn't you look where you're driving?" Kimiko observed.

"I didn't ask you, human!"

She heard a horn honking from outside and a male voice yelling "Watch where you're going, idiot!"

"Shut up!" the driver cried. Kimiko heard a gunshot. Her eyes widened.

Instead of giving her space like she'd hoped, Jack was slipping an arm around her shoulders. He was clammy and shaking. Kimiko could feel his heart hammering against his ribs.

_Calm, _Kimiko told herself. _I have achieved absolute focus. _She slowly, carefully, but firmly, removed Jack's arm and pushed him away.

"Don't do that ever again," she said in a clear, measured tone. "Ever."

He shrank away, putting his nails in his mouth and gnawing on them. The driver wasn't talking now, apparently focused on the road.

"I'm going over to get a look at him," Kimiko said. "I have to put the fire out. It's starting to hurt my hand. _Do not scream._"

He dropped his eyes to the floor. "Kay."

She put the fire out. Jack yelped once and went silent.

Kimiko waited a moment until her eyes adjusted enough to faintly make out the locations of Jack, the lizard (back against the wall) and the window, which was faintly illuminated. She made her way over to the window and looked through it.

The driver was partially lit by a GPS screen, allowing Kimiko to get an idea of what he looked like. He was humanoid in shape and wearing bulky clothing and a baseball cap. His face was turned partially away and mostly hidden behind the sunglasses. He was small. There were antennae sticking out from under the cap. One antenna had a square black thing with a blinking red light on it clipped to it near the end.

There was some kind of long-bodied, scruffy animal in the passenger seat. It had a ringed tail and glittery black eyes. It had horns like a goat. It had an identical black-thing-with-blinky-light attached to its ear.

The window had bars in it. Kimiko tugged at them. Too strong to break without ice powers, which she did not have, and it would take too long to melt them. Oh, well, fighting the driver could crash the truck and kill them anyway.

The driver picked up what looked like a coffee cup out of the holder and sipped it, steering with one hand- one small three-fingered hand that looked much too small to handle the large steering wheel. "Hey," he said, holding the cup out to the creature in the passenger seat. "My coffee is cold."

"And?" the furry thing drawled.

"Heat it up."

The furry thing took a deep breath and breathed out green fire that engulfed the coffee cup and the driver's arm. He squalled and batted at the flames.

The truck started swerving around. Kimiko fell backwards and rolled around until she ran into Jack, who started screaming and clawing at her in sheer terror.

Her finely-honed combat instincts directed her elbow towards his exposed throat. She resisted and instead pulled clear, saying: "It's me. I fell. Calm down."

He was hyperventilating. _"You_ calm down!"

It was so, so hard not to punch him.

The truck went back on course with a jolt. There was nasty laughter coming from the cab that ended in a grunt and the sound of a punch connecting. The truck swerved again and Kimiko once again fell onto Jack. He cried out in obvious pain. She thought she may have collided with an injured area. "Sorry," she blurted out before she could stop herself. "I'm sorry. There's a real idiot up there."

He was weakly pushing her away. She was only too happy to go.

More ominous noises from the cab. "You wanna go, string bean? You wanna take on the champ?"

"I have a job to do." That was the driver, sounding suddenly haughty. "There is no time to waste on insolent weasel creatures."

"Weasel creatures! Sheesh! I already told you, I'm a lava worm, one of the- oh, forget it, I don't care. Call me what you want, squeaky. The boss said when he's done with you I get to eat you. Keep buggin' me. Go ahead. I think of more creative things to do to you each time."

"Yes, yes, whatever," the driver dismissed. Kimiko decided he was crazy. They were probably both crazy.

"Have you ever heard of 'lava worms?'" she asked Jack. "That thing didn't look like a worm. It was all furry."

"Never heard of 'em. Your sensei or whatever never brought it up?"

"'Sensei' is Japanese."

He sounded a little confused. "Aren't you Japanese?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but Master Fung isn't. And he never mentioned lava worms."

"Huh." He scratched his chin. "What about the lizard thing?"

"Never mentioned her either."

They fell silent. Jack was scooting in close to her. She didn't see anything sinister in it, he was just scared. She was not about to indulge him, however. He needed to grow up and be a man already anyway (if that was even possible). She pushed him away.

* * *

There was an intruder at the mouth of the lair. Chase signaled one of the warrior cats to bring the interloper to him.

The cat came trotting back with Hannibal Bean in its mouth. Chase might have known. "What do you want?"

"I want you to start checkin' your email," Bean said, dusting himself off. "The thing with humans who turn themselves immortal is they don't adapt the way we naturals do. Get with the times, Chase."

Chase narrowed his eyes. "This had better not be about Farmville." Wuya and that Farmville… he'd disconnected their internet over it. She was always running off to coffee shops with wi-fi access now, where she wore a headscarf and sunglasses and thought she looked very chic.

"Farmville?" Bean raised an eyebrow. "Chase, you insult me. Maybe I'd be better off talkin' to Jack."

"Out with it," Chase said. "I was meditating."

Bean rolled his eyes. He was holding a scroll, and now he gave it to Chase. It was a printout of forum messages. Chase read them, making sure his face betrayed nothing.

"Well?" Bean asked.

This explained Wuya's brush with cyanide. He considered letting her find this and watching the tantrum she threw. "Take him out of here," he told the warrior cat.

The cat took Bean away as he complained about 'old friends' and 'no respect'.

Chase considered this new turn of events. 'Overwielder,' he decided, was likely not anyone he had previously been personally acquainted with. The other evildoers he knew were sometimes incompetent and backbiting but they didn't go after each other for no reason, they had a certain understanding.

He thought of letting the Dragon of the Wind discover this information. Whoever this was, the Xiaolin monks could likely deal with it. After all, this person couldn't even manage to kill Spicer correctly.

He would tell Wuya to take it to them. She would be nosy and read it as well, and then there would be two chances of this annoyance being removed before Chase had to intervene. (Provided Wuya actually gave the monks the letter. If she didn't, he would send a bird to deliver it.)

He picked up a bell he kept by his throne and rang it. There was an answering explosion of cursing from Wuya from somewhere down the hall.

* * *

Who did that insufferable lizard think she was? A messenger boy?

Wuya would at least look to see what he was sending. She opened the envelope- it wasn't sealed. Did he_ want_ her to see it? Was this some kind of game?

She read through the printouts. A conversation Hannibal Bean was having… with…

She had to read the thing three times before she fully understood it. Her eyes narrowed and her hands tightened on the paper until it made crinkling noises. If Jack Spicer's life was anyone's to toy with, it was hers. She had put up with his whining and cringing for over a year. She had shadowed his every move, coaxed him, manipulated him- she'd brought him into this war in the first place. Every useful thing he'd ever done could be attributed to _her. _

Her hands shook. In spirit form, she had lived in his house, or at least his basement, suffered through long hours of nothing to do but watch him build things, useless things, things she knew were failures but hoped might not be just this once because he was her only option, this frayed, scrawny, miserable mortal. She had swept her spirit form through his body, felt the life essence in him, felt the bright, burning energy of his human soul and inflicted the cold, dank nothingness of her witch's soul upon him, she had been, at one point, his only companion, the only living or near-living thing he saw, sometimes, for days on end. He had confided in her, he had told her things she would have never cared to know.

She knew the feel of his skin and the sound of his breath and the scent of his hair and the sounds his clothing made when he moved. She knew- or thought she knew- what he thought, what he felt, what he wanted, what he dreamed at night, she knew him as well as she knew the back of her own hand, she alone knew the depths of his cowardice, his worthlessness, how easy it was to manipulate him- if anyone was going to destroy him, it was going to be _her._

If it wasn't for that brat Kimiko, Jack would be dead- because of this _idiot._

And if this wasn't audacious enough… this fool had tried to _poison her. _Poison! As if a three thousand year old Heylin master could be defeated through _poison!_

Chase knew. He knew she would read the letter. She snarled.

Did he even care if the monks got it? Probably not. This was how he told her things- not to her face like she was a person but by playing some dumb little mind game. The letter crumpled into a wad inside her quivering fist.

She wasn't going to the monks, oh no. She was going to go to someone who would _appreciate _her.

* * *

There were scratch marks on the floor, the table was overturned and there was no sign of Kimiko or Jack anywhere.

Raimundo paced back and forth. If he hadn't fallen asleep this wouldn't have happened. What kind of leader was he? He shouldn't have signed off on any of this crazy stuff in the first place. Had Jack done something to her? He hadn't seemed capable of any funny business, or even interested in trying, but he could have told a robot to do something… oh, Raimundo didn't know! There was no sign of either of them!

"Hey," Dojo called from the stairs. "I hear you're missing one Dragon of Fire and one whiny loser?"

Raimundo ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, Dojo. I was hopin' your nose could help us out."

Dojo came closer, sniffing around the floor. "Well, let's see here, I- yow!" He recoiled.

"You found somethin' already?" Raimundo asked, leaning in closer.

"Did I!" Dojo covered his nose with both hands, staring. "Raimundo, there was a smoke lizard here!"

"A what now?" That didn't sound good, whatever it meant.

Dojo was shaking his head. "A nearly-indestructible monster reptile with poison gas breath. They're mean and nasty and sneaky. They're bad news."

"You think it took Kimiko?"

"Probably," Dojo said. "One warrior monk would be toast against a smoke lizard."

Oh, no. "Can you track it?"

"Can I _track _it?" Dojo said. His eyes were watering. "They stink to high heaven! Can _you_ track a garbage truck?"

"Then why are we still standing here?" Raimundo ran for the stairs. "Omi! Clay!" he yelled.

* * *

Kimiko was lying on concrete.

She pushed herself up to a sitting position. Her head was pounding. She looked up to see a mesh of iron bars in front of her eyes.

She was in some kind of makeshift cage built against a concrete wall. Jack was next to her, slumped unconscious on the floor. The last thing she remembered was being in the truck. She guessed that the lizard had knocked them out again.

The lizard was here, sitting a few feet away from the cage. Behind the lizard, sitting in a folding chair, was a scrawny, pale, sunken-eyed boy with a sour expression, wearing a black turtleneck and jeans.

They were in a basement- a gloomy, dark basement, with a water heater in the back of the room, a card table, a few more folding chairs and nothing else. It made Jack's basement look positively homey by comparison.

The creatures from the truck were slumped around the card table. The driver had fresh bandages wrapped around his hand where the lava worm had burned it. There were a few extra creatures in the mix, some kind of large, intelligent-looking snake and a furry gray thing with yellow eyes- they, too, had those little black squares with red lights attached to them. All the creatures were quiet and still and had a repressed air about them. A couple of them were shooting Kimiko furtive glances.

"Kimiko Tohomiko, Dragon of Fire," the boy in black said with a detached air. "I wasn't expecting Scylla to come across _you _in Spicer's home."

"Yeah, life's full of surprises. Mind letting me out?" she asked.

"Nice try. I'm glad you were the one to wake up first. I'd like a chance to talk to you without Spicer butting in. You seem to have taken credit for my attempt on his life." His eyes narrowed slightly. "Why would you do that?"

It took her a moment to realize he was talking about the rumors. She snorted. "It was a big misunderstanding." She did not say she'd actually saved Jack, because if this person thought Jack was capable of saving himself, maybe that would put the brakes on the whole 'killing him because he's worthless' thing for now. "Your guess is as good as mine how it happened."

"Hmph. We'll see. Why were you in his house? Were you protecting him?"

Kimiko had no idea how best to answer that. She decided she would not answer. "I don't think that's important."

"I think it is. Why would you protect an enemy?"

"Human life is sacred."

He snorted. "I had expected better from you."

'Better'? Kimiko had known a lot of villains. She thought she might like this guy least. No charisma, no wit, and mean. "Maybe you don't deserve better. I don't even know you."

"I know _you."_

"That's nice." Jack was alarmingly still. She scooted closer to him. She didn't like this psycho seeing Jack completely vulnerable like this. It felt dangerous.

"In person you're not as impressive," the boy said.

Not as impressive as what? How did he know- or think he knew- so much about her? She guessed the Internet was probably to blame. "I could say the same about you," she said. She took Jack by the shoulder and shook him gently. "Wake up," she said under her breath.

Overwielder (for it was obviously him) turned white around the lips, his nostrils flaring. His tone of voice didn't change. "You seem affectionate towards him."

"I'm really not."

"I can't imagine how badly he can have failed as your enemy if you _like _him. If you're _protecting _him."

Kimiko's skin prickled. The feeling of danger was in every fiber of her being- she didn't know why and at the moment she didn't really care, the feeling was so oppressive. She was so tense she didn't even resent the accusations of affection.

She leaned in close to Jack. "Wake up _now_," she said. He whimpered softly. He was warm to the touch. She suspected he was running a fever again. Wonderful.

"Why do you care if he's awake? You don't expect him to help you, do you?" Overwielder looked faintly horrified.

"Of course not," she snapped. She resorted to giving Jack a sharp pinch on the ear.

"Huh?" He rubbed his eyes, sitting up slowly. He looked around. "Hey, this is Vlad's basement!"

Kimiko's eyebrows rose. "What? Really?"

"We've schemed against you at that card table." Jack sounded indignant. "What are all those little monsters doing there? Where's Vlad?"

Overwielder looked as if he didn't know how to respond. The gray thing sitting at the card table spoke before him. "Do you mean that big ugly guy? Because he went out to buy beers?"

Overwielder picked up a small remote that was sitting by his side and hit a button on it. The creature fell silent, dropping her eyes to the table, her mouth compressing into a tiny line.

"I'm a foreign exchange student," Overwielder said. "I was assigned to Vladimir Kozlov. He was eager to share your conflict with me. I immediately saw that it could be improved upon."

Kimiko stared at him. "You just came in here… someone told you about the battles we have with the Heylin… and you decided you'd kill off the villains you didn't think were _good _enough? What… what is wrong with you?"

Jack scoffed and stood up (there was just barely enough room for him to do so without hitting his head on the top of the cage). Kimiko noticed he was about a foot taller than Overwielder, with broader shoulders. "That's really sad. You couldn't be a villain, so you thought you'd make yourself feel better by killing off someone who is. Well, you just look lame."

"I'm not the one _befriending _the Dragon of Fire."

Kimiko expected Jack to become indignant but he laughed. "Yeah! I'd like to see you get so good at your job that the loser heroes fight over who gets to stop you this time! Well- try to stop you, anyway." He leaned against the bars, smirking. "They love to hate me!"

Kimiko blinked several times, and then said: "He's right. We do. He's so annoying, and we know he'll _never _leave."

"Are you _serious?" _Overwielder said slowly. "You're all a mockery."

"So are you going to kill _all _of us?" Kimiko snorted.

Overwielder got up and left the room, with his lizard following.

Kimiko waited for him to come back. He didn't. She scowled. "What is _wrong _with this guy?"

Jack sat down against the back wall, throwing his arm over his face with a deep sigh. "Ah, he's just jealous."

Kimiko blew her bangs out of her face. "Sure, Jack, he's just jealous."

"Yeah, and when I get out of here, I'm gonna _get _Vlad."

"Only if I don't get him first."

He peeked out from under his arm. "We can get him together?"

She shook her head, looking away. She met the eyes of the creatures at the card table. They looked uncomfortable. The snake was watching her.

"He leaves when you've made him very angry," the snake said.

"Why are you working for this guy?" Kimiko asked. The snake averted its eyes. None of the creatures spoke.

Kimiko studied the cage. It looked makeshift, but it stood up to her punches and kicks, and it didn't give way when she tried holding a fireball to it. She couldn't pull it away from the wall, either, and when she karate-chopped the lock, it held.

"We made that," the snake said, not meeting Kimiko's eyes.

"It's the strongest cage ever," the truck driver added.

Kimiko stuck her tongue out at them. She sat down in the back against the wall, next to Jack. If she sat against the bars she felt like someone was going to come up and stick a knife into her through them.

Maybe she could break through the wall? No, it was solid concrete, more Clay's speed than hers.

Jack looked as if he was trying to go to sleep. She shook her head at him. "Why aren't you freaking out right now?" Not that she wanted him to…

"Ah, your friends will be here to save you any minute." His eyes were closed.

Kimiko tried to think of a response to that that didn't sound like 'I don't have as much faith in my friends as you, the slimy villain, do'. Of course she did. And they probably had some way of finding her even if she hadn't left any trail whatsoever. She just didn't know how fast they'd find her.

"You can't let everyone else fix your problems, you know," she said. "You have to help yourself out of things. What happens when no one is around to help you? You'd be dead if not for me."

"I help myself plenty."

"Every time things get tough, you whine to whoever will listen to bail you out." She got up and started pacing. "And everyone winds up leaving you because you went back on them at the first sign of trouble instead of trusting them or because you can't do anything for anyone else."

"I'm a loner."

"You're a _jerk." _She sat down against the bars, a good distance away from him.

He turned away, making a dismissive noise. She didn't want to look at him. "If you ever want to have real friends," she said, "you have to put them before yourself sometimes."

"See, that's why I'm evil."

"You are utter _slime." _She expected him to thank her for that. He said nothing.

She hugged her knees to her chest. Fine. He was waiting for her friends to show up. She would wait for her friends to show up, too. In silence.

"Are you lonely?" she asked.

"Huh? No. Nope."

"You make yourself all those weird robots to be your friends. Real friends are way better."

He was looking straight at her. "Kimiko. I'm not lonely."

"If you were nice to people," she said in a rush, "and you treated them nicely, and you didn't give up on them, you'd have real friends. And if you didn't double-cross them, insult them, or… you know what, never mind, I don't think you can do it."

"Real friends?"

"Humans, Jack."

"Like you? Are you sure you won't be my friend?" he said.

She felt herself turning pale. "I didn't mean me! Ew!"

"People on different sides are friends all the time! Look at Romeo and-" He looked away. "Ha, well, maybe not them. They killed themselves."

Her eyebrows rose.

He snapped his fingers. "Lydia and Beetlejuice."

"Huh?"

"Worst of enemies in the movie, best friends ever in the cartoon."

She stared at him. He shrugged. "Well, I just thought- no one asks me if I'm lonely, all right?" He looked away.

"You could get a dog," she suggested.

"I had one, he ran away."

"Oh."

He gave her a hopeful look. "We could be friends just on Facebook?"

"No. Ew. Give up." She looked back at the creatures at the card table. They were playing some sort of game that seemed to consist of sitting there morosely staring at their cards.

"Fine," Jack muttered. He lay down on his side. "I'm tired."

She made a noncommittal noise. He closed his eyes.

She wished she had her PDA.


	12. Chapter 12

Kimiko stared up at the ceiling. "Jack, you don't have a watch or anything, do you?"

"Nah."

She sighed. "I feel like we've been down here alone for hours, but there's no way to tell time and everything feels like forever when there's nothing to do."

He sighed. He was still sitting against the wall with his arm over his eyes- he hadn't moved in a while. His body was tense.

She watched him a minute. He didn't move. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He whimpered. "I've been better…"

"Fantastic." She watched a spider crawl across the ceiling. "When he comes back, try to act like you're fine, okay? He thinks you're pathetic enough already."

Jack said nothing. He looked like a wreck.

"I'm starving," KImiko muttered. "Is he even going to feed us?" She got up and re-checked the cage for weaknesses. She didn't find any new ones.

"Hey!" Jack yelled. She jumped a mile. So did the monsters clustered around the card table. Jack cupped his hands around his mouth. "You losers! Aren't you gonna give us any food?"

The creatures looked flustered. They muttered to each other in harsh whispers, talking over each other so that Kimiko couldn't understand them. One of them pulled away and went up the stairs and the rest fell quiet.

"Great job," Kimiko muttered. "He probably went to get Overwielder."

"Enh." Jack slumped against the wall. "Overwielder is a dumb name. Why do people do the whole 'villain name' thing? 'Jack' is good enough for me."

She agreed, actually, but she wouldn't say so. "Well, maybe his parents named him that."

Jack scoffed.

The creature was coming back, alone. It had a small plastic thing in one hand and a spoon in the other. It came over and handed these objects to Kimiko. The plastic thing proved to be a cup of Trix yogurt.

"Said I could give you this," it said in a terse ( and feminine) voice. It- she- went back to the card table and sat down.

"It's yogurt," Kimiko said, noticing Jack eyeing the container. She hesitated. "Do… you want any?"

He looked away. "Nah, I'm not hungry. And I hate yogurt."

"Oh." Kimiko was less picky. She devoured the yogurt.

The plastic spoon she'd been given could double as a shiv if she snapped it in half. No, a PAIR of shivs. She snapped it in half. She could give half to Jack, but she doubted it would help either of them out much to do so.

"You don't look so good," she said. "If you get pneumonia and die, I'm gonna be mad."

He gave her a weak smile.

"I mean it," she said, pacing back and forth. "I didn't haul you out of a freezing lake and then make everyone play nursemaid just so you could linger and die."

He shuddered, eyes wide. "I don't want to die!"

"Good. Don't."

She paused, looking him over. She had an idea. It probably wouldn't work but it was worth a shot. She went in close to him, leaning in to mutter into his ear. He smelled metal-y. "Hey, lie down and pretend you're unconscious."

He blinked. "Why?"

"Just do it, c'mon."

He hesitated a moment, then lay down on his side, squeezing his eyes shut and sticking his tongue out. "Bleah."

She supposed that was good enough. She went to the bars, cupping her hands around her mouth. "Hey! Hey, could one of you guys come over and look at Jack? I think something's really wrong with him!"

The truck driver picked up his head, grunting irritably. The gray thing that had given Kimiko the yogurt glared at her with big yellow feline eyes and snapped: "Do you think that we are stupid?"

"Why would we even care what happens to that kid? The boss wants him dead anyway," the lava worm said, picking through the cards it was holding.

"We can _see_ you over there," the gray thing muttered, drumming her fingers on the table. "Conspiring for escape. Please. I know a not-dying human when I see one."

Kimiko sighed. She looked over her shoulder at Jack, who opened one eye, met her gaze with significant directness, and then started to roll around, yelping.

"Aah! It hurts! Help me! I'm dying!" He rolled his eyes, looking over at Kimiko.

She stuck her tongue out to show what she thought of his acting. He returned the gesture and threw his arm over his face, writhing around. "I'm being eaten from the inside! Aaah! Aah- _owie!" _He doubled up in genuine pain, having rolled over onto his injured rib. What a doofus.

"Will someone shut that worm up?" the driver was crying. "His voice is puncturing my innermost thoughts!"

"You don't have no thoughts!" the gray creature snapped, tossing her cards down.

"That is an _exceedingly _noisy boy," the lava worm said. "Maybe some fire will shut him up."

Jack was suddenly very quiet.

"You try that and I'll snap your neck!" the gray creature said.

"You're not the boss of me," said the lava worm.

The snake hissed urgently. "Now, the boss said-"

"He is no _boss_ of _mine," _the driver muttered, reaching up to bat at the little device attached to his antenna.

"The children stay alive and aren't going to be tortured," the snake said, and then she looked down. "For now."

All the creatures fell into silence. Jack had stopped carrying on and was watching them. They picked up their cards.

Jack ventured a whimper.

The driver barked out a wordless cry of anger. He took off his shoe and threw it into the cage, hitting Jack square on the forehead. Kimiko recoiled in shock.

"Ten points!" crowed the lava worm. "Let's see if there's anything else we can throw at them."

The gray creature socked it in the face and it crumpled unconscious. The driver started clapping.

Jack blinked several times, touched his forehead where the boot had hit him, looked at Kimiko, and then burst into noisy, dramatic tears, scrunching up and burying his face in his arms.

The driver stiffened and clutched at his head. "Doh! It's crying!"

"I know that!" the gray thing screeched. Her voice was desperate and a pitch that tore through Kimiko's head like a train whistle.

"I'm in pain and everyone hates me!" Jack wailed. He went into a fresh volley of sobs. Kimiko glanced at the creatures, then edged closer. She made herself sit down next to Jack and start lightly patting him on the back. Gosh, he was bony. She could feel the ridge of his spine.

"There there," she said flatly.

He pulled his head out of his arms long enough to wink at her, and then he tucked his face back into hiding. There were real tears on his cheeks. Could he cry on cue? Why was he hiding his face if he was really crying? Why did he think it was a good idea to cry at all? What was he doing? This was still an act, right?

"I need medicine!" he was whining.

"It's okay?"

"It's not okay! I need a hospital!"

She inched closer. "What are you _doing?" _she muttered.

"Crying. WAAAH!" She flinched away- that had been right in her ear.

"Will somebody please just kill it?" the driver complained.

The gray creature stood up, pushing her chair back with a loud screech. "I am going in there to give you a look over, skinny kid," she said loudly. "If you two try to jump me, it will not end well. And _no-" _She glared at the driver. "I'm not killing anybody!"

"Oh, thank you!" Jack said, beaming. "You're a saint!"

"Shut up," she said. She took the keys from the wall and went to the door of the cage. She opened it and Kimiko pounced.

The creature was ready for her. She gave Kimiko a punch that sent her flying back and crumpling to the ground, momentarily too stunned to get back up.

"You little brats," the creature muttered. "I'm going to look at him anyway, okay? Just so you don't keep doing this."

Kimiko shook her head in an attempt to clear it. Her ears were ringing. She looked up to see the gray creature approaching Jack, who was looking very frightened and small (even though he was bigger than Kimiko- and the creature, who was about the same size).

The creature peered at Jack, then took one of his hands in her own, feeling for his pulse. With his other hand he reached around the creature's head and started fiddling with the tag on her ear. The creature went very still.

The tag popped off into Jack's hand. He looked at it as if not quite believing he'd taken it off. The creature stood still a moment longer, breathing heavily. She backed away from him, looking around with furtive darts of her head. The other two (conscious) creatures sitting at the table were now staring at her.

The gray thing reached over and hauled Kimiko to her feet. "I, er… I had to do that," she muttered, not making eye contact.

"He was controlling you?" Kimiko said.

The creature had already pulled away and was going up the stairs. The other two were coming into the cage and crowding around Jack, who pulled off their tags. They ran out of the cage- instead of going up the stairs, they headed for a small window just above the card table. The driver hopped up on the table, opened the window and was out of there. The snake turned.

"Do you need a boost?" it said to Jack and Kimiko.

Kimiko ran over. "No, that's fine," she said. She did not ask how the snake planned to help her out with no limbs.

The snake nodded and slithered out the window. Kimiko hopped up on the table and climbed out after her- it was a tight squeeze that left her with a nasty scrape on her thigh.

It was morning outside. Kimiko had had no idea what time it was down there in the nasty basement. The sun was warm on her face and the air was fresh and wonderful.

She was looking at a rather shabby side yard. She ran across it. She reached the neighbor's fence and stopped. No one was following her.

She went back to the window and looked in, seeing melancholy red eyes looking back at her.

Jack was standing on the other side of the card table, slumped and wilty. The look of utter despair in his eyes went straight to her heart and into some hidden, overly sensitive place she had not known existed- a place capable of Spicer-sympathy. She shuddered at the thought of it.

She realized that he was wider in the shoulders than she was and would probably not fit through the window. If he did fit it would be only with some serious twisting, pulling, and yanking that would probably pop his shoulder out of joint. Also, he was still wearing a sling and would only have the use of one arm.

"Okay," she said. What she _should _do, probably, was leave, get the other monks, come back, and trash Overwielder and his dumb pet lizard. However, she couldn't just leave Jack here. He was completely vulnerable. She took a deep breath and forced her body back in through the window and into an encircling bony arm.

"I knew you wouldn't leave me!" Jack sobbed, squeezing her to his chest and then yelping a little.

"Let me go _now," _she said, but he was already pulling away.

"Still tender," he said, clutching at his ribs.

"You're a dork," she said, looking around. "Okay, there has to be another way out of here… and stop smiling at me like that. Really. And never hug me again. You're not allowed."

"I knew you cared!" he said, popping up and down on the balls of his feet. He looked like a weird happy scarecrow.

The only other way out seemed to be the door… the door that led up to the main level of the house and also to a murderous psychopath and his lizard pet.

There was a loud scream from up above. Kimiko jumped about a mile. "YOU!"

Jack cringed. "What's that?"

The scream continued in a furious yammer, too fast and too muffled to understand. "It's that gray thing," Kimiko said. "I think she's attacking Overwielder. We can sneak out while he's distracted."

"Uhh…" Jack's smile looked strained. "I'm not sure about that idea."

"Well, do you have a better one?" she demanded.

He gnawed on a fingernail. "We could wait for them to be done fighting?"

"We don't know who'll win. If it's the bad guy, he'll come down here to check on us, and we'll be cornered in this basement. And we don't know the other one _isn't _going to turn on us just because she was being controlled earlier."

Jack nibbled on his lower lip.

"Will you just trust me?" she said.

There was a crash from above, followed by some kind of battle cry. Jack flinched.

"I did have one other idea," she said.

"Oh, yeah?" He looked hopeful. "What's that?"

"I go back through the window to go get the other Dragons and leave you here… _all alone."_

His eyes bulged. "No! Don't leave me!"

"Then come with me." She started up the stairs. Halfway up, she heard Jack's footsteps following her.

She opened the door at the top onto an empty hallway. She could hear the gray creature talking from behind a plain wooden door that was hanging ajar. "You think you can kill me… you pathetic waste of space… you couldn't even kill that poor odd skinny boy down there… honestly…"

"May I remind you I found you eating garbage. You're useless unless someone turns you to a purpose," Overwielder replied.

"I like garbage!" was the angry retort, followed by the sound of a punch landing.

"Okay, this is Vlad's house, right?" Kimiko whispered. Jack nodded. "You know your way around pretty well, right?"

"That's the bathroom," he said, pointing to one of the doors.

"Okay, that's nice, but-"

Something fell over behind the door that was ajar.

Jack pointed to another door. "That's the kitchen…"

"Okay-"

There was an earth-shattering _thump_.

"They're in the living room…"

"And-"

"And the door out is on the other side of the living room," Jack said in a choked voice.

Shoot. "Okay. Don't freak out. Stay calm. Are there windows in the bathroom and kitchen?"

"I don't know!"

Kimiko heard a familiar voice from the direction of what Jack had said was the living room. "Jeremy! I have returned from the grocery store with my beer and your soda- what is going on?"

"One of our new accomplices rebelled," Overwielder- ah- Jeremy- said. "I had Scylla knock it out. Please dump it in the river."

Kimiko led Jack into the room he'd said was the bathroom. There was a window over the toilet, but it was even smaller than the one in the basement. She dragged him over to the kitchen. There was a window in here too- small and square, and not ideal, but maybe it could work.

"You said none of them could turn on us with the chips!" Vlad said. "Where did hers go? You said they couldn't be taken off!" He didn't sound angry, just surprised.

"I have to attend to something in the basement."

"The basement? Oh, of course! After disposing of this creature I will join you with my beer and we will have a long scheming session!" Vlad apparently had a short attention span.

Kimiko got up onto the counter and opened the kitchen window. Jack stood behind her on the floor, hopping from foot to foot and gnawing on his fingernails.

"No, Vlad. You will stay here. I'm feeding the lava worm and it becomes fractious when you're around. That means you can't follow. Please just dump this worthless animal."

"I see! I will be right back," Vlad said. She heard a door open and shut.

"Wait for them to go down in the basement," Kimiko whispered. "We'll make a break for the door."

Jack nodded. Kimiko heard footsteps in the hall.

The footsteps stopped.

"I smell the children," Scylla hissed. "They are in the kitchen."

"Try to go through the window," Kimiko said, getting behind Jack. He scrambled up on the counter and stuck his head through the window.

The door to the kitchen burst open.

"I'm through with this," Jeremy said. "Scylla, kill them both."

Kimiko whirled around to face Scylla, who was rushing forward, open-mouthed. Kimiko tackled her.

Scylla began raking at Kimiko's arms and stomach with all four clawed paws and biting her shoulders. Kimiko kept a firm hold on Scylla's neck, squeezing hard and keeping those jaws away from her throat.

Scylla rolled over on top of Kimiko, slamming her head against the corner of the refrigerator. Kimiko found herself looking up at Jack, who was just sitting on the counter, staring at her with a look of horror.

Scylla was biting every part of Kimiko she could reach, trying to weaken her, probably. Her skin was becoming warm and slick with her own blood. "Fire," Kimiko said, shooting a ball of it directly into the creature's mouth to no apparent effect. She pulled one of her spoon-shivs out of the waistband of her pants and stabbed Scylla in the eye. The lizard screamed and thrashed, slamming Kimiko against the ground.

"SCYLLA!"

The lizard turned, distracted enough for Kimiko to get out from under her. Kimiko got to her feet, taking out the other spoon-shiv and holding one ready in each hand.

Jeremy was staring at them with round, terrified eyes. Jack had one arm around his neck and was holding a grimy butcher knife in his other- badly shaking- hand, his sling discarded on the floor. He was staring at Scylla. He looked both maniacal and terrified.

"You will _release him!" _Scylla screeched.

Jack shook his head. "No! No no! You let us go right now or I'll- I'll hurt him with the knife!" He sounded hysterical. "I'll do it! I'm evil!"

"KILL HIM!" Jeremy wailed. "He's nuts!"

There was a drawer open where Jack had apparently gotten his weapon. Kimiko dove for it, replacing her dorky little broken plastic spoon-halves with two steak knives. She stabbed both steak knives into Scylla's tail.

The tail promptly detached- friggin reptiles- and Scylla leapt at Jack, who screamed, dropped Jeremy and covered his face with his arms. Scylla sank her teeth into his forearm.

Kimiko tackled the fallen Jeremy. "HEY!" she screamed, and the lizard turned to stare at her. Kimiko made threatening motions with the knives. Jeremy was very still and silent. "Now _I've_ got him hostage. Let Jack go."

The lizard backed away across the floor, hissing. Jack was grabbing his arm and blood was oozing from between his fingers. He was breathing heavily.

"You are a hero," said Scylla. _"You_ will not kill. I will simply tear this boy to pieces until you release my master."

There was no blinking tag on Scylla. So much for that hope. "You don't know I'm not gonna kill him," said Kimiko, even though she knew she didn't have it in her to stab a defenseless kid.

Scylla lashed out at Jack and a new bite appeared on his leg. He yelped and curled up defensively against the wall, making a half-hearted swipe with the knife.

"Try to stab her through the eye," Kimiko said.

Jack made a rather pathetic attempt at it that Scylla dodged easily. She bit Jack on the foot. He pulled his feet under his body, moaning.

Kimiko's hands were shaking. She had a least a dozen of those bites on her own body, she realized, and she felt dizzy. There was blood all over the floor. She'd never thought a monster like this before- especially not _alone. _She wondered if she really was going to die. The thought that Jeremy would probably take credit for it made her stomach turn.

"Smoke them," Jeremy said. "Smoke them unconscious." He was limp and trembling. At least she'd managed to scare the crap out of him before she died.

Scylla merely hissed. Maybe she was out of smoke. She tore a hunk out of Jack's shoulder, slowly, seeming to enjoy it. He was hiding his face in his arms, whimpering.

"Stop it!" Kimiko was surprised by her own volume. "Leave him _alone!"_

Scylla turned to her. "You will release my master."

Kimiko forced herself to make a small cut on Jeremy's cheek. It really wasn't _that _hard. "No, I won't! Get away from Jack!"

Jack suddenly tore away and ran into the hall. Kimiko's jaw dropped.

"You let him get _away," _Jeremy said.

"Apologies," Scylla hissed. She looked at Kimiko. "Release my master."

Kimiko's eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute, just because Jack's safe-" as in, Jack had _abandoned _her, just like he always did and always would- "-doesn't mean I'm just going to let him go. I don't see anyone promising to let _me_ go." She jabbed one of her knives in Scylla's direction. "And now you don't have anything to use on me. You let Jack get away."

Jeremy bit her on the hand. She pounded him on the head and he let go with a cry. "You're not as good at biting as your pet," she said.

She heard the front door tear open and then slam shut. Well, at least Jack was going to survive this… survive it as a slimy snake, sure. At least he hadn't tried to get on Jeremy's side. That would have just made her sick.

"Soon I will again have smoke," Scylla said. "It will be over for you. I will make your end as painful as I can."

Kimiko realized her grip on her weapons was slipping. How much blood had she already lost?

Scylla looked at her detached tail lying on the floor, her lizard face betraying no emotion. "I will wait," she said. "Perhaps you will faint."

Kimiko spat at her.

* * *

Vlad's front yard was bare and dirty. There were chickens pecking around. One of them got in Jack's way and he kicked it, spitting _"Dirty bird!"_ He hated those chickens, he'd always hated those chickens. They squawked and they pecked.

The tool shed was locked. Jack pounded on the door with both fists. "Open up! Open! Agh! You _stupid door! _You _stupid, stinking door! I hate you!_" Vlad- that moron, of course he left his door locked.

There was a rake against the wall of the shed. He picked it up and started banging on the door. His arm hurt, and his shoulder hurt really bad and the bite on his foot was probably going to get chicken crap in it and swell up and turn green and fall off.

The tool shed had windows. He knocked one of them out with the rake and peered inside, pressing himself up against the wall. He could see shelves in the back, with things on them- a bear trap- a Weed Whacker- gas for a lawnmower, and… and… yes. That was what he wanted.

He started laughing hysterically. He leaned in through the window, not noticing when he cut himself on the glass still in the frame. He could just barely reach it…

* * *

Kimiko's vision was turning gray at the edges. She took deep breaths. The minute she lost consciousness the lizard would be on her. It would have been over already if this little brat she was holding hostage had the guts to fight back, or if Scylla didn't seem to be just sitting there _enjoying _this. Kimiko ground her teeth, resolving to stay awake and alive as long as possible. And maybe someone _would _rescue her. Someone _should _rescue her. Omi _lived _on rescuing people. Maybe the other monks were at the door right now.

Scylla would be purring if lizards could purr, Kimiko suspected. She hated that lizard. She wanted that lizard to die-

There was a gunshot, very close. Everyone started screaming- Kimiko, Jeremy, Scylla, Scylla especially, as she flipped and flailed on the floor, bleeding. There was a ragged wound in her side, down near the base of her severed tail. The lizard's eyes were bulging in disbelief.

There was another shot, opening a hole in Scylla's shoulder, then another, ripping open her neck. Scylla's eyes dimmed. She flailed more slowly and then stopped moving. Jeremy threw off Kimiko and ran to Scylla, throwing himself over her body. "You killed her!" he cried. "You monsters!"

Kimiko dropped her knives on the floor with a clatter. Her chest was heaving. She looked at the shattered kitchen window to see a departing flash of bright red hair.

Jeremy gathered up his pet's corpse and staggered into the hall. Kimiko ran bloody fingers through her hair, trying to calm her breathing. She looked at the smears of blood on the floor.

Jack appeared in the doorway, bloody, wild-eyed, dressed in a Bowser Koopa T-shirt and baggy basketball-print pajama pants, and holding a hunting rifle in one hand. She recoiled.

"Good thing this was loaded," Jack chuckled. "I don't know where he keeps the bullets." He sounded a little self-conscious. He put the gun down and came over to kneel down next to Kimiko. "Wow, did that thing do a number on you or-" He pulled away, screaming and grabbing handfuls of his hair. "I KILLED IT! I SHOT THAT THING AND I KILLED IT! AAAH! _AAAAH!"_

Kimiko recoiled. Jack curled up on his side on the floor, whimpering. His eyes were glazed over.

"You saved me," she said. She wrinkled up her nose. _"You… _saved me."

"I killed it," he whimpered. "My mom will- I'm not even supposed to touch guns!" He put his thumb in his mouth, his eyes filling with tears. Kimiko wondered if he knew being evil and taking over the world meant he would probably have to kill _people. _Innocent people.

She shuddered. That wasn't important right now. There was a phone on the wall. Kimiko staggered over to it and made a call to first the temple, then Jack's house. No answer either time. Ugh. She'd told Raimundo a hundred times to get a cell phone.

She'd have to patch up herself and Jack and then get out of here before Vlad came back. She just wanted to… to sit down for a minute first.

"Don't tell my mom," Jack was squealing.

"I won't," she said. She sat down at the table, closing her eyes. She heard Jack get up and leave the room. He was sniffling.

He came back and sat down across from her. She opened one eye to see him putting the sling back on and opening up a first-aid kit. He pulled out some bandages.

She reached out to take some supplies to patch herself up with and he recoiled as if he expected her to strike him. She pulled back. He watched her for a minute, then swallowed loudly and pushed some bandages across the table at her.

"I need to clean up first," she said, staggering to her feet. She went into the hall and then to the bathroom. She washed out her wounds, and went back to the kitchen table. Jack was at the sink, retching into it.

She started bandaging herself. He sat back down across from her, clearing his throat. He looked green. She reached over and took hold of his wrist. His pulse was fast and his skin was icy cold.

There was a sound somewhere else in the house- a door opening. Jack's eyes went wide. She squeezed his wrist, out of reflex, and stood up. He looked over at the hunting rifle on the ground. She picked up one of the discarded steak knives.

"We have arrived, fiend who stole Kimiko!" Omi called. Kimiko slumped in relief. "Come out with your hands up!"

"Omi, Raimundo, Clay!" Kimiko called, putting the knife down. Sure, _now _they showed up... though, she thought if Jack hadn't stepped in they probably would've been just barely in time to save her life. Just barely. "I'm in here! Don't worry, I'm fine!"

"Oh, great!" Raimundo was saying. "We were so worried that-"

All three of the guys appeared in the kitchen door. They stared at Kimiko. They stared at all the blood on the floor.

"Well, I'm fine _now," _Kimiko said. "A lizard thing attacked me, but Jack shot it."

They stared at her. They stared at Jack, sitting at the table doubled over and hugging himself.

"And then Overwielder left, I guess," Kimiko said. "Uh, it's a long story."

* * *

"So then Jack shot it through the window," Kimiko said, "and I tried to call you guys, but you were on your way here. Rai, you really need to get a cell phone. Anyway, I cleaned myself up and… well, then you showed up."

They were all on Dojo's back. The other monks were clustered up near his head. Kimiko was sitting farther back, next to Jack- he seemed weak and she was half afraid he might fall off.

"Run that 'and then Jack shot it' part past us again," Clay said.

"He showed up at the window with a rifle and he shot the lizard," Kimiko said.

"Okay, you mean shot-shot it, with bullets, or something else?" Dojo asked.

"I shot it and it died!" Jack snapped. He shuddered and put his hand over his mouth. Kimiko scooted away.

"You killed it?" Omi's eyes got big and dewy. "You made it _die?"_

Jack looked away. "Yes. Is that a _problem?_"

He was shaking and hugging himself tightly. Kimiko had touched him before and her arm hadn't fallen off and she hadn't gotten a disease. She took a deep breath and laid her hand on his shoulder- very lightly.

He burst into tears. She pulled away. "Geez! Sorry!"

He scrunched up and hid his face in his knees, sobbing. Kimiko looked at her friends for help. Omi was shaking his head and sighing. Raimundo snorted. Clay pulled his hat down over his face. Kimiko put her hand back on Jack's shoulder with the hazy logic that touching him had started him crying, so maybe touching him again would stop him crying. It didn't. She pulled away.

"Good riddance," Dojo muttered.

Jack wiped his nose on his sleeve- yuuuck. "Huh?" he said.

"I hate smoke lizards. They're evil little sadists."

"But it was a living creature," said Omi.

"So was Hitler," said Dojo.

Kimiko rolled her eyes and hugged her knees to her chest. "Well, I'm sure glad he shot it. It was going to kill me."

The other monks looked long and hard at Kimiko and then long and hard at Jack.

"You saved Kimiko?" Raimundo said, sounding suspicious.

"Ummm." Jack wiped his eyes. "I… g-guess so…"

Kimiko was staring right at a nasty bite on her knee. "So you know what it was, Dojo?" she asked.

"I could smell it in Spicer's basement. That's how we found you, I tracked it," Dojo said.

"Track faster next time," Jack said.

"Well, excuse me, I don't have any obligation to _your _skinny tush," Dojo retorted.

Kimiko shook her head. "Guys, _stop._ It was a 'smoke lizard', you said? It bit me and Jack. Is that going to do anything to us?"

"Not if you get it cleaned up, I think… I don't know, man! Smoke lizards. Nasty."

"Do y'think you need a doctor, Kimiko?" Clay asked.

Kimiko looked down at her bites. They were shallow, but the number of them worried her, and she felt kind of weak and sick. "I don't know," she said. She looked at Jack. "What about you?"

He wrung his hands. "Um… I-I don't know. I wanna go home…"

She pressed the back of her hand to his forehead. "You're feverish… I think we should take him to a doctor, guys."

"All right," Raimundo said. "Find a doctor's office, Dojo?"

"Find a doctor's office, find a mall, find a surf shack, find my lost contact lenses, Dojo," the dragon muttered, but he changed course.

"Dojo, none of us wear contacts," Kimiko said.

* * *

"I do _not _need to stay overnight!" Kimiko said, folding her arms over her chest and kicking at the blankets on the hospital bed. She had been bandaged and poked and prodded and given _seven rabies shots _and she was wearing the stupid little ugly hospital gown and she hated _everything!_

Raimundo was standing by the wall with his arms folded over his chest. "They said you lost too much blood, man."

She scowled at the IV line in her arm. Blood schmood, she wanted her bed stall and her computer. "Stupid lizard! I wish Jack hadn't shot it so I could've taught it a lesson!"

"Bout that," Clay said, adjusting his hat. "I know we keep goin' over this, but he _really _shot a lizard and saved you?"

"Yeah. He went and got a rifle… it must have been Vlad's rifle." She flopped back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. "I don't know why or how he got the guts for it, okay? You'll have to ask him."

Everyone was quiet, and Clay and Raimundo were giving each other significant looks.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothin', you get some rest, okay, Kimiko?" Raimundo said. "Do you want us to leave for a bit?"

She shook her head. "No, you can stay." She didn't want to admit there was anything wrong with her, but she was pretty tired. She lay her head down and closed her eyes. "So where _is _Jack?" she mumbled. "Are his parents here?" If they were, she really hoped they wouldn't show up and yell at her again.

"Er, no, he's fine," Clay said. "He's in another room."

"Yep, nothing wrong with him at all," Dojo said quickly.

Kimiko opened one eye. "Wait a minute, did you guys leave him _alone?"_

"Well, none of us are in there with him and his parents were not notified," Omi said, "so yes, I would say that he is currently alone!" He nodded.

"You guys, why did you do that?" she said, getting up and grabbing her IV pole. "Where's his room?"

"Kimiko- what're ya doin'?" Clay asked.

"I'm going to go check on him!" He'd probably been put through just as much medical indignity as she had… no, more, poor thing, he had a fever and those old injuries to check on, too… "He's gotta be so scared."

"Kimiko-" Raimundo put a gently restraining hand on her arm. "Why do you care if he's scared or not?"

Kimiko looked back into his green eyes. "Because…" Why _did _she care? She hesitated. "Because…" She thought back to that day when he'd staggered off into the woods, dripping and covered in lake mud. "Because if he can die, he must have feelings," she said, and she went out into the hallway, dragging her IV pole along behind her.

Omi appeared at her side. "Room 402!" he announced. "I looked in a little bit ago when they were putting on your bandages, but there were all manner of nurses in the way!"

"Thank you, Omi," she said, looking at the numbers on the doors as she went down the hall. She was aware of Clay and Raimundo following behind her.

"I'm not going to turn evil or anything," she told them without looking. "I just want to make sure he's okay."

"Well… alright, Kimiko," Clay said. "We jes' worry a little, you know…"

"What could possibly happen?"

"Besides, uh, gettin' abducted and chewed up by some kinda big lizard?"

She stopped in her tracks. "Oh ho ho," she said. "Don't _even _play the danger card, Mr. Demon Sabini."

Clay put his fists on his hips. "Hey, now, that's a little below the belt and 'sides it was yer fault in the first place!"

Kimiko felt her cheeks grow hot. "Oh. Oh yeah."

"Oh ho, you _should _be blushing!" Omi said.

"Well- whatever. I'm still going to go check on him. And keep your voices down- we're in a hospital."

Here it was- Room 402. She opened the door, not thinking until after it was halfway open that it would be more polite to knock first. Oops.

He was lying in the bed and looked asleep. She looked at Omi, who looked back at her with a blank look. She went further into the room.

Jack looked so… strange lying there. He didn't have any makeup on and the roots of his hair were coming in ginger. It reminded her of that weird good version of him from the Yin-Yang world, only he didn't even have eyeliner on. He looked… normal. Plain.

He opened one eye a crack and looked over at her. The eye was still red. She had kind of assumed he wore red contacts, but maybe he didn't. Could you have red eyes without having white hair?

She'd look it up later. Now she said: "Hi."

She was suddenly kind of at a loss for more and very conscious of the monks hanging around behind her.

"Hey," he sighed.

"Did I wake you up?"

"Nah."

She noticed he had an IV too, and bandages- though not as many as she did. "I told the doctors I got mauled by a dog," she said. "What did you tell them?"

"Oh, not much," he said.

He looked blotchy. She put her hands on her hips. "Did you just _cry _the whole time?"

"It works," he said. "And no."

"Why do you cry so much?"

"I don't cry that much."

She snorted. There was a chair over by the wall- she pulled it over to his beside and sat down in it. He looked groggy. She should leave soon and let him get some sleep. She needed to sleep too. "How do you feel?"

"Crappy." He looked over at the IV. "Why do you have one of those? Are they free with admission now?"

"They said I lost too much blood," she said.

"Oh…"

"Why do you have one? You didn't get bitten that much."

"There's some kind of medicine in it and junk."

"Are you sick?"

"Yeah."

"With what?"

He shrugged. "Eh, I didn't listen. They said I'd be fine." He yawned.

"I can see why you dye your hair," she said.

"Eh?"

"Well, it clashes with your eyes."

"It _does!" _he said, sitting up a little. "I keep telling my mom that, and she says it's just a stage I'm going through. Tch. What does your mom think of you having a different hair color every day?"

"She died when I was little."

Jack blinked. "Oh. Then I guess she doesn't say anything about it, huh?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Nnnope."

Jack looked down at the hem of his blanket and then back at her. "Did she dye her hair?"

"Did she dye her _hair?"_

Jack shrugged a little.

"I don't know," Kimiko said. "My dad doesn't keep pictures."

"Oh." He coughed.

"Does your mom dye her hair?"

"Oh yeah, she dyes it blonde and then she makes fun of me." He went quiet.

She propped her chin in her hand. "So those are your real eyes?"

"Yeah."

"That can happen?"

"Yeah."

She went quiet, looking at the pattern on his blanket. He yawned again. "Did you ever find that guy? He ran away, right?"

"Who?"

"The one who wanted me _dead?"_

"Oh… he's not much without his lizard, I don't think, but… he did get away. We'll have to look for him later." She settled back into her chair, looking up at the ceiling. She realized the other monks had left her alone with him. She wondered why. They'd probably gotten sick of the nothing conversation and desired less of Jack's company.

"Mmmhrn," he mumbled.

"Why did you save me?"

"Huh?"

"You could have run away."

"Oh, I… I didn't think of that," he said, wringing his hands and looking upset and… weirdly guilty.

"Well, I'm glad you did save me," she said. "I think I could have gotten out of it… I probably could have gotten out of it, and not let that kid escape, either, but… it was nice to have help."

"Mmhmm. Well, I'm not doing it again." He looked miserable.

"That's okay, I'm never saving you again either."

He nodded, looking satisfied. He closed his eyes.

"Oh," she said. "I asked Dojo why the smoke lizard was willing to work with that kid without a tag or anything and he said they bond to the first person they see when they hatch."

Jack opened one eye.

"Do not go looking for one," she told him.

"It'd be cool to have a sidekick."

"I'm serious." She smirked. "We know its weakness now anyway. Bullets."

He scowled and shut both eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

She leaned on the armrest of the chair. It was quiet in here… no chattering Omi, no Raimundo bickering over music with Clay… Kimiko was very rarely out of earshot of another person she knew. Jack, on the other hand, probably went for long periods without hearing another human voice… he probably played music a lot, maybe talked to himself…

She shook her head. None of her business.

He was lying quietly with his eyes closed, probably not-so-subtly hinting that he wanted a nap. She'd leave him alone.

She just didn't feel like getting up. She closed her eyes, trying to steel herself to leave the chair that was warm from her body heat.

"We didn't make that bad a team, you know," he mumbled.

"Mm."

He didn't say anything more.

* * *

"Kimiko?"

"Huh?" She opened her eyes to see Raimundo standing there, looking concerned. The light in the room was different- slanted and dim. The sun was setting. "What time is it?"

"You been in here a while," he said.

She rubbed her eyes. Jack was snoring. She got to her feet. "I'm fine… hungry but fine…"

Raimundo put a warm arm around her shoulders, guiding her out into the hall. "I think you should get to bed."

"Mmm, fine," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. "Rai?"

"Yeah, Kimiko?"

"Will you guys go get my PDA for me?"

"Sure, Kimiko."

* * *

The full moon shone down on the path, casting a ghostly pale light on everything. Overwielder stepped over a protruding root, cursing under his breath.

Those children, having the nerve to release most of his servants and _kill _another one, he would make them _pay, _he would find and tag more creatures and everyone would pay…

There was something moving on the path, some kind of big nasty bug, it looked like. He raised a foot to squash it dead.

"I wouldn't do that," the 'bug' drawled, and Overwielder staggered back a few steps. "Headin' off somewhere?"

"I have business to attend to," he said. This wasn't a bug, it was a bean, and therefore could only be one person (as it were). "Step aside." The bean was on his hit list, but Jack and Kimiko were temporarily taking highest priority. The _nerve _of them…

"Sure enough," Hannibal said, stepping aside. He followed at Overwielder's heel as he went down the path. "What kinda business?"

"It doesn't _concern _you." This was about the time he would have been ordering Scylla to eat Hannibal. What would he do without her?

"You sure about that? Cuz your business tends to involve people I know, is all."

Overwielder paused in his tracks. His eyes narrowed. He'd only ever spoken to Hannibal over the Internet from behind an IP blocker. "How do you know who I am?"

"Let's just say magic." This was a new voice, smooth and female. Overwielder looked up to see the path ahead blocked by the silhouette of a woman. There were only two women in the Xiaolin-Heylin conflict, the useless witch and that deluded girl Ashley.

The woman approaching now had glittering green eyes and a long mane of hair. He would guess that this was not Ashley.

"What do you want?" Overwielder had told one of his tagged creatures to poison Wuya. Apparently the idiot had failed.

"Oh, I just want to have a little chat with you." She motioned behind her with her head. "Come with me, we'll discuss things back at the lair."

Overwielder took a step backwards. "I'm not interested in an alliance with you."

"Who said anything about an alliance?" she said. "Just a talk. Come on."

"No."

He tried to turn to walk away but there was suddenly a thin vine wrapped around his ankle holding him in place. It was that _bean. _And he couldn't pull away. The tiny object had surprising strength- probably magical strength.

"She didn't say you had a choice, boy," said Hannibal.

"That's right." A hand clamped down on his shoulder. "I didn't, did I?" She began to drag Overwielder down the path. "Yes, we're going to have a nice little talk… and afterwards, I think Hannibal and Chase would like to talk to you too. Wouldn't they?"

"Oh, yes, I'd love a few moments alone with this bright little boy," Hannibal said. "And what about Ashley? She didn't think too much of having her stomach pumped for arsenic poisoning earlier today, now did she?"

"No, she wasn't pleased," said Wuya. "But she'll be feeling much better in a day or two. Oh, and I believe that at the time you tried to kill Jack, he owed Tubbimura some money."

"Of course, Cyclops just likes to step on things," Hannibal added. "Oh! I talked to Vlad a couple hours ago."

"He had no idea what you were up to in his own house," Wuya said. "He was very interested to hear all the details."

Overwielder couldn't think of anything to say.

* * *

A/N: Well... I won't know completely for sure until I write it but I think there's only one chapter left in this story. It's weird for me to actually finish something.


	13. Chapter 13

**EPILOGUE**

* * *

**Heylin_Beauty_Wuya  
**_overlord – 230543 posts  
_Some of you may have heard of some flap about an upstart little fool calling himself 'Overwielder'. I don't have time for a long message, so I'll keep it brief: He's not going to be a problem anymore. You're all welcome.

**Chase_Young  
**_goody two shoes – 6 posts  
_is that what all that unnecessary racket was when i was attempting to train my warrior cats

**Le_Mime  
**_archenemy – 32 posts  
file attached: map_to_shift_key _

* * *

A bug landed on the screen of Kimiko's PDA. She gently brushed it away.

The summer sun soaked into her black hair, making it almost uncomfortably warm. She lazily considered going inside and bleaching her hair.

Raimundo and Clay were chatting and splashing around in the fountain. She didn't have the energy to join them, it was too hot. There was a small blip from her PDA- an email from Keiko. She opened it up- Keiko's date last night hadn't gone as planned. Aw…

She started typing up a sympathetic reply. She caught motion out of the corner of her eye and looked up to see Master Fung watching them through the window.

He most likely thought they should be training. Well, it was too darn hot and she wasn't moving from this spot unless someone expressly told her to.

Master Fung disappeared from the window. Maybe he agreed it was too hot and he'd just been checking on them. She shrugged and went back to her email.

Halfway through, she heard footsteps approaching. She looked up to see Omi standing there. He looked disgruntled. "Kimiko, there is someone here to see you!" he said. "He was most rude to me when I inquired what it was that he wanted! I recommend that you go and quickly give him a kick in the buttocks!"

"Huh?" she said. There was someone here to see her? A boy? But who did she know besides the monks that would come to visit her out of the blue?

Well… she could think of one person, but none of them had seen him since May. In person, at least. "It's not _Jack…"_

"I was told not to tell you it is Jack Spicah who has come to see you and is in front of the temple right now and expressly demands to speak to you in personal privates, immediately!" he said, sitting down heavily next to her. He refused to take off that long-sleeved robe of his and he looked flushed and sweaty. "He was very impolite!"

"Well, then, I guess I should go see what he wants," she said, standing up and tucking her PDA into her pocket. The last time she'd seen Jack, she'd been dropping by to make sure he was healing okay and his mom had (finally) been there. She hadn't been happy to see Kimiko, either.

Kimiko had dropped him a few notes on the Heylin forum since then, of course, to make sure he was alive. Maybe more than a few notes. The nice thing about Internet communication was that she didn't have to do it with Raimundo standing there looking at her like she was crazy if she was talking to someone he didn't like.

But now Jack was coming to see _her? _And just her? He'd better not be planning anything funny. Maybe he was just here to say he was ready to start challenging them for Wu again… but then why wouldn't he tell that to everybody? He apparently wasn't in some kind of dire trouble, or else Omi would have been in a flap... she thought he would be, anyway. Maybe it was just too hot for Omi to care.

She considered telling Omi to follow her over there in case Jack had an ambush planned, but decided against it. She had her Star Hinabi, and if anything happened she could make enough noise to bring her friends over to help.

She trotted over to the front yard. Jack was there, leaning against a shiny black car, looking at his reflection in the face of his watch and slicking his hair back.

He was in full costume, coat, pants, weird shoes with metal cuffs, gloves, face paint, eyeliner, goggles, the works. The only thing missing was the little skull in the center of his chest and gray criss-crossing straps. Had he not fixed the helibot yet? Maybe he didn't trust it now, or maybe his chest was still a little too sore for the straps.

Whatever. He looked _so_ much better than he had the last time she'd seen him- night and day difference. He even somehow managed not to look hot, even though logic dictated he had to be roasting in that coat. Maybe he had air conditioning built into it. Stranger things had happened.

"Hey!" she called, waving. He looked up, startled.

"Oh, Kimiko! There you are." He stood up straight, clasping his arms behind his back and giving her a big, yellow-toothed evil grin. She hadn't seen that cheesy smile in more than two months. The outfit, either. Two months was a long time. She'd sort of forgotten just how dorky he looked… and how he looked when he was happy. Really happy, and not trying to be happy through pain.

"I missed you," she said.

Whatever he'd expected her to say, it wasn't that. He stared at her, his carefully arranged pose and expression totally shattered. "Really? I missed me too! I mean, you! I mean-" He was blushing.

"I miss beating you up, I mean," she said. He looked way too flattered.

"Oh, well- I miss getting beat up!" He smiled. Then he frowned. "Wait..."

"Now, you better not be here to kidnap me," she said, "or you'll need a lot more than two months to recover from what I'm going to do to you."

He cleared his throat and put the evil grin back on. "Me? Kidnap?" He bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. He was talking fast, almost chirping. This wasn't just Jack in the absence of pain and depression, this was Jack downright bubbly. "Never. How could you even _think_ that? Oh, wait, is it because I'm evil?"

He was so weird. "Why _are_ you here, Jack?" She folded her arms over her chest, leaning back.

"Just wanted you to see this." He leaned against the car, smirking.

She raised an eyebrow. "See… _you?"_

"Well-" He rubbed the back of his neck. "Did you_ want _to see me?"

She put her hands on her hips.

"Right." He swallowed, looking flustered. He motioned at the car with his head. "Do you recognize it? Well, actually, I hope you don't."

What was this all about? "I don't. It's new, right?"

Now he looked back on sure footing. "Sort of." He opened the driver's door. "Hop in."

She snorted. "Okay, I don't know who you've been talking to but I am _not _that naïve."

"Nothing's gonna happen," he said, backing up and holding his hands up. "See? I'm not even in the car."

"Uh huh, because it's not like you could build a kidnapping robot car, or anything like that," she said.

"Don't you trust me?"

He smiled.

"Um," she said. "You're kidding, right?"

"Kimiko, Kimiko, I swear on my word as a villain- ah, wait, no, a villain's word is always fake, so-"

He crossed his fingers and put them behind his back, eyes rolling thoughtfully up to the sky. "Okay, that should work, yeah." He took a deep breath. "I swear on my word as a villain that no harm will come to you if you get in the car. Dishonest."

Kimiko wasn't sure which was worse- the fact that he'd made such an absurd oath or the fact that she was pretty sure this nonsense meant he was being sincere. As sincere as he could be, anyway. "All right… fine," she said, slipping into the driver's seat. She sat there, immediately regretting this foolish action, cringing and waiting for some kind of robot arm to grab her.

Nothing happened. She opened one eye. This was a nice car. Leather seats. Most importantly, cool and dry and air conditioned. She studied the controls, wondering how much of this car Jack had put together with his own two hands… probably more of it than she cared to know.

There was the sound of a door shutting and Jack was in the passenger's seat next to her. She jumped.

"Well?" he prompted.

"It's… nice?"

"Don't recognize it?"

"Jack, why would I…" And then she caught a slight hint of something in the air, some kind of odor. Was it Jack? No, it seemed to be coming from the car itself. She sniffed.

Jack hunched his shoulders. "Oh yeah, I couldn't, uh, get all the smell out."

"Is this… it is! This is Tubbimura's car, isn't it?" She looked around.

He settled back into the passenger's seat, folding his arms behind his head. "It used to be."

"But this car is all… clean."

"I did a little work on it." He shrugged. "Just reupholstered it, changed out all the tires, replaced most of the parts…"

She adjusted the seat and tested out how it felt to put her feet on the pedals. "Sweet. A little darker than I would have made it, but…"

"Yeah, well, you said I could fix it up and I did," he said, looking at his fingernails.

"I said that?" She laughed.

"Yep."

She didn't remember that one bit. She didn't think she remembered any of what they'd said the night she took this car- gosh, it seemed like years ago now.

She remembered buying him a Happy Meal and realizing she was on the verge of insanity and she remembered that driving this hunk of junk had been fun, mostly because she was pretty sure she'd been speeding, and that was about it. Well, she remembered Jack curled up in the passenger seat like a frightened animal, not sitting straight up and smiling and kicking his feet, like now. "You look good."

He visibly inflated.

"I mean," she said clearly, "you don't look _sick _anymore." Gah, she needed to think more about what she said to Jack. Especially if he was going to memorize offhanded comments and rebuild cars because of them.

"Oh." He sagged slightly, and then perked back up, apparently deciding it was still a compliment. "Well, I feel good too!"

"Does that mean you're going to start bugging us again soon?" She hoped she didn't sound hopeful or desperate or anything.

"Am I ever!"

She felt really weird responding positively to that, but the truth was, without him around, they either just took the Wu or they had to fight Wuya or occasionally Katnappe, both of whom Kimiko hated with every fiber of her being. Other than that her life was 'train, train, train', 'keep an eye on Chase, who basically sits and meditates all day', and 'train, train, train… and train'. "Well, we'll be ready for you, Jack Spicer," she said finally.

"Oh, we'll see about that."

"You're on." She held her fist out for a fist-bump and he recoiled, obviously expecting her to punch him. So she did. Gently. On the upper arm.

"Ahh," he whimpered.

"You nut." She sat straight up. She heard someone calling her name in the distance. "Oh, someone's calling me." She got out of the car. So did Jack, moving with quite a bit more haste than she did.

"Oh, uh, I should go then," he said, backing up. "See you next time there's an activated Shen Gong Wu."

"Got it," she said. He turned and started running away. "Wait- Jack- Jack, you forgot your car!"

"Keep it, it's yours!"

"What?"

He stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Yeah, I got like six of 'em and this one isn't built right for a jet engine or the really big cannons or anything good, and it still kinda smells, so, you know. Have fun!" He set off again.

"Are you serious?" she called. Was he really that scared of the other monks?

"Yep, sure, bye," he yelled.

She walked around the front of the car, staring at it. It was pitch black, of course. Shiny. Lots of unnecessary angles. There weren't any skulls or anything on it, at least. Jack had had _some _restraint.

He had also put 'K1M1K0' on the license plates, and there was a bumper sticker that said 'Drive it like you stole it!'

Which she actually had.

So, either Jack was now in the habit of naming his twisted creations after her, instead of after himself, or…

"Kimiko?"

She turned to see Raimundo coming nearer. "What's up, man?" he said. "We're goin' to the beach, Master Fung said we could, so- dude, where'd that car come from?"

"Um," she said. "My dad sent it to me. See, he never gave me a car because I'm not old enough to drive in Japan so he's giving me one now." She was also not old enough to legally drive here in China either.

"Oh, cool car," he said. "Kinda goth-lookin' though."

"Uh, yeah."

"Looks like somethin' Spicer would drive."

She shifted her weight from foot to foot. "Um, yeah… awkward."

"So you comin'?" he asked.

"Sure. Sure," she said. "I'm just going to go get my swimsuit on."

She headed into her temple and into her bunk space. She pulled out her PDA and opened up Facebook.

There was an old friend request on her account from a 'John Morgan-Leigh Spicer, Jr.'

Someone had apparently not gotten around to changing his display name. Maybe his type-A parents had told him not to or something.

Kimiko wondered briefly how 'Jack' had ever become short for 'John'- which was, unless she was severely missing something, also a one-syllable name, and one that didn't even sound similar- and then she accepted the friend request before she could talk herself out of it by using logic or intelligence.

Then she put her swimsuit on and went to join the others.

* * *

A/N: And it's over! Gosh, I hope that was an okay ending, to be honest I haven't seen a story through to the end in a long, long time- besides oneshots. And when I _was_ writing finished chaptered stories, I was completely frigging terrible at it.

Gee, it feels so weird to actually finish something. I have a few ideas for a sequel actually but maybe I shouldn't jinx it.

Anyway, um. Bye.


End file.
